TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 22:54:39 GMT -5
YES, that's the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 21:30:25 GMT -5
?
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 20:37:44 GMT -5
jasonl, really sounds to me like you need to create your own message board, like these folks did, that is exclusive to your needs. There are ALL colors of SM stripes here and you don't need to bagging on people who post from their perspective. Seriously, go start your own message board.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 18:39:08 GMT -5
I was just about to reply, then read tmd's post.......she nailed it. My main point (having gotten past the mile marker you're looking at right now) is this "tear my family apart". Please understand what that 'frame' does to your mind. It is a very violent notion. The world would be in absolute chaos if every family on the planet that has gone through a divorce was 'torn apart', Don't look at it that way. It's just a restructuring. I know it's semantics, but it's true. Decide right now that, if you go the route of leaving (and all indications are that you should - and that you are just prolonging the agony), you will do everything in your power to make the transition as smooth as possible for everyone, that 'family' is in the heart not in a built structure, and that EVERYone will be better off after things settle out.
One last thought that I also wrestled with for a long long time (and still do to some extent)........YOU did not make this decision, she did. You are merely reacting to what she has put into place. You are now at the point where saving yourself is starting to look like a pretty good idea.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 17:33:05 GMT -5
I tried to reply to each of you, but on my phone, it's difficult. I will later on my laptop, but for now thank you for understanding. We're not going anywhere
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 17:28:53 GMT -5
Hi Everybody, I found you all through EP, which I had only recently discovered. I am in a nearly 16 year marriage, and I like charmedheart's description of "emotionally negligent". That fits the bill for me as well. Sexless almost 6 years now. I can't begin to tell you all what a blessing it is to have found this community. mariposa, you are definitely not alone in your quest for freedom and survuval here. Your story and details are not uncommon at all. You can do this. It's your life -- find yourself again. It will be worth everything to do so.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 2, 2016 8:56:58 GMT -5
We have to be able to share. I have stuff that has gone unsaid, and it bothers me, too. Things I'd like to reveal that may even inspire. I feel that the people who've come over are not going to kick you, carissimi. I think you should give it a try...... I'm going to as well. After all, I am going to need massive support from the people here after I leave my marriage any day now....strangers, basically.....but I trust this will be the place where I can get help to hold it together and stay strong.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 20:59:46 GMT -5
tmd, do you have a new exit timeframe? It's got to suck when you have unforeseen goblins pop up and throw your plan off track. Mine is very straightforward. Other than emotionally provocative, my announcement will not have any residual fallout besides mediation on finances.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 20:45:42 GMT -5
Thanks, tmd, I need all the support I can get. I know this will be where I come for my sanity after I walk. I will need this place and the good people in it.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 20:08:18 GMT -5
That is my fervent wish, sk. I agree with you. I think everything will be fine after some emotional shakeout. I know for sure they will see their father HAPPY for the first time in a decade. They won't recognize me! (-:
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 19:56:21 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouragement everyone! I GOT this.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 19:38:56 GMT -5
I am reintroducing myself as TheBumble (formerly HMRypsi61) because I think TheBumble is much easier to be friendly with..........like, "Hey, Bumble! What's up, man?!"
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 2:34:03 GMT -5
Okay, here I am. I am HAPPY lately. Do I hear that? "I am happy today." Remember wanting to kill myself? Had it all planned out. Remember all the desperate times, the tears in the store dressing room, on your bike trainer, in the van, in front of Willie and Joel when you sought help? Desperately writing on a piece of paper, "God, please help me!" and tucking it in your wallet. The staring out the window......'oh my God, oh my God, oh my God....', crying at Shrek's 'Hallelujah' and having to hide it from the kids who were strewn about the floor watching. The desperate and short-lived scooter ride to freedom one night 3-4 years ago......
....the 'snap' feeling in my heart at the Facebook 'I won't add you as a friend because....' thing, like a final blow........'You can have sex with a prostitute if you want sex'........the criticisms, the confusion, the nothing-is-right, the I-can't-fix-this. Remember the pain of stumbling across C and A's brutal tweets about you, that came from this nightmare? The loss of being able to just relax and enjoy reading a book to A? Kind of losing A altogether.......my own daughter stripped away, no special father-daughter bond, something I will now have to fight the rest of my life for, not even sure if she'll want me to walk her down the aisle....
....remember all that? All because you married the wrong person.......a person that has always had her own best interests in mind, especially after kids.......who felt nothing about criticizing you and then feeling nothing but more resentment and revulsion when you tried to talk about it.........who said it was hard to want to have sex with 'someone like you' physically and in her opinion of me, though I am in decent shape and have done nothing wrong but be there, this entire time, as husband, father, teacher, coach........for my family.
A woman who continues to live on in contentment as if everything is just fine, despite you telling her many times how much pain you were in -- you have given her everything she wanted to live the life she enjoys......at the cost of your sanity, and damn near your life.
The dark dark days that stretched on forever. The waking up in the middle of the night in panic. The having to put on Seinfeld DVDs in order to sleep, almost every night. The physical and mental health risks I have faced......are they still lurking? Am I even okay? Have years been taken off my life already? I have had cortisol flowing through my system for almost a decade, unchecked. It's probably a miracle I'm still alive.
I have BATTLED. I have battled like a motherfucker to hang in there........in the face of her expressions towards me, and things like the kids' soul-crushing tweets, just watching it all fall apart, but having to bury it as a father and a man -- I had to endure. I had a family to support.
And now.......I am happy today.........because I have reached that point where I am free to go. The nest is empty. And it's time to fill my heart.
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 1, 2016 0:51:07 GMT -5
Thanks, DC
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Mar 31, 2016 22:19:19 GMT -5
Okay, so........I am on my way out any day now.......but still go through the motions, give opinions about upcoming things she mentions.........and all the while I feel like the biggest a-hole. I am not quite 'there' yet, for leaving, but I know I am - imminently - and so I feel like such a fraud continuing on with the charade. And YES, I have talked to her a number of times over the years about how fucked over i feel by everything she laid out (or retracted, as it were).........she just never heard me or showed any interest in flexibility or empathy.
How come I always end up being the one that feels badly about all of this? I had little, if anything, to do with where we find ourselves now......Done.
I guess I feel like it's best to just keep the status quo until I announce my decision to leave the marriage. What's the other option? To act cruel and hostile? That's just not me. But then why do I feel like a shit for 'play-acting' my way through these final days?
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