|
Post by RexCorvus on May 6, 2017 15:42:55 GMT -5
I'm crying - it can really be like that? Just beautiful. x Yes, merrygoround, it absolutely can. We had hoped, but didn't truly think it could be like this either, but then we met.
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on May 6, 2017 10:21:31 GMT -5
Can you give us an update. Yours is a wonderful story. Thank you novembercomingfire. We are grateful our story can provide some hope and be uplifting; and yes, I will be writing an update very soon...
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on May 6, 2017 9:35:24 GMT -5
With permission I am reposting this story I wrote from last November...
"Hallelujah"
Well, I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do you? Well it goes like this: The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift The baffled KING composing Hallelujah
I met a woman online and we began conversing via messages. I told her my sexless marriage story and my back story, which I have written here as “My Story”. My story spoke to her heart, and she shared with me that she is also in a sexless marriage and gave me insight into her back story. She could feel my compassion and she heard my voice through my words.
We spoke more of our struggles, the pain and despair our sexless marriages bring us daily. We spoke of cancer and other health issues that brought to light just how precious every day is and how we feel it flying away from us. We became more open and disclosed our indiscretions and who we have confided in about our situations. She told me about her AP whom she met a couple of months before and how at times she struggles with it, but needs the intimacy and physical attention she has been denied for so long.
I felt her being through her words. I felt her joy, her pain, her enduring spirit and intrinsic warmth. I made an ass of myself in one of my messages to her. I drank too much and offered to reveal more of myself than just my compassion to her… (wince). I apologized the next day, and was sure that was going to end the budding friendship we were building. Instead, she LOL at me and compassionately joked she would like to see my face first and told me about her drunken texting misfortunes. Then she asked me a question: “So, wanna see a pic of me??? (A head shot that is??) lol!!”
I quoted her some lines from Good Will Hunting and then replied: “So you know, I was hoping for the full body shot, Thank you... but yeah I was kinda hoping for a face picture. :-)” Then she changed my life forever… She sent me three selfies She is the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life!!! I was stunned, my heart quickened and it was hard to breathe. I was intensely angry that her husband had no desire for her. How could any man not want to dedicate himself to win her affection and love!!! Her pictures were like a siren song to my soul, enchanting my being irresistibly through space and time!!! Her hair has a natural curl that twirls and twists around her beautiful face. I wanted so desperately to cup her face in my hands and to kiss her full and luscious lips. I could see above her shirt’s U shaped neckline, lightly scattered freckles laid across her chest. My grandmother told me as child that freckles were beauty marks from God, before me I found was a picture of an angel. Her smile, her dimples warms my heart, I had to, without rule, smile back at her smiling face.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
OMG! Realization sunk in, I now had to send her a picture of my ugly mug. I felt deep inadequacy. I’m just an average guy, a geek even. This must have been what peasants felt in the Bible when they were in the presence of holy angels… unworthy. She was waiting, I had to reply, what picture could I send? None of my pictures are suitable enough… I just grabbed my LinkedIn picture, it doesn’t matter, just send it and wait for her disappointment voiced through her reply. I sent it and said “I'm just a standard geek. Here is my ugly mug”
“You are totally NOT a geek!!! Handsome man for sure!!! I love your smile!!! :-) I don't understand how your wife isn't interested. Makes me so sad and angry as well… I love your pic!!! Thanks for sharing!!!” Then she asked me if I wanted to start texting instead of emails. “It's just easier to chat if you want to! :-)”
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof You saw her bathing on the roof Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya She tied you to her kitchen chair She broke your throne and she cut your hair And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We began messaging regularly as friends. We spoke more of our marriages and the problems within them and got to know each other better through our correspondence. We began to support each other and provide much needed electronic (HUGS) and understanding. Only those who have experienced this can truly relate and understand the despair, pain, and longing to speak openly about it. We shared stories about our spouses and how we have grown indifferent to them. We grew closer each day and soon it turned into more.
This is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I felt blessed to have had her affection from 1000 miles away. I felt a connection from that first picture she sent as if I knew her before in another time another place. She moved me, resurrected my soul, and breathed life into me. I knew I was deeper than her. She kept her heart at a protected safe distance. I knew I would have to risk opening myself up to possible great pain, but I had to meet her. I dropped to my knees and prayed; something I haven’t done in a very long time. Please Lord, if there is anyway, please I need to meet her.
We further talked and began to share more intimate parts of ourselves. She told me about her AP. I could see from the outside how he treated her very poorly. He was only interested in getting his needs met and it wasn’t about her at all. It was all about him and what he could do, anything to boost his own ego. But he found her when she needed the attention so desperately and any compliment, any appreciation felt like the highest praise. She deserved so much more, she deserved to be honored and dedicated to. She deserved to be given all for only her benefit. She should be loved, respected, and adored. She couldn’t see it, she couldn’t see how wrongly she was being treated. I had to show her. I wanted to show her how she should be loved. Please LORD, PLEASE let me go to her…
I don’t travel much, but I had a training conference coming in a few weeks, far away from her. “How?” “How can I get to her?” Everything fell into place perfectly like it was orchestrated and planned. I could leave a day early and not miss anything but a closing speech that I could watch online later. I could purchase plane tickets to her and spend a night without my wife knowing. It was if the stars aligned, but would she want me to come? I just needed her to tell me yes, come to me. I was ready to purchase the tickets and she had cold feet so I stopped. I would not push her. I let her know that if she told me to come, wild horses wouldn’t stop me, but I won’t come if she didn’t want me to. I wanted so desperately to meet her, just to be in her presence, to smell her perfume, to give her a much needed real (HUG).We had Skyped a few times and talked more and more. The Friday before the conference she told me “I want you to come. Come visit me.”
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I booked the flights and hotel. I made up an excuse to leave early. No one else knew where I was going to be. It was a huge risk but I had to go! I was drawn irresistibly, as a moth to flame. I spent the week at conference distracted unable to focus on anything but going to her. Thursday morning finally came and I grabbed a cab to the airport. I was there hours ahead of the flight. I was not going to miss it for anything in the world. We texted back and forth with excitement and bewilderment that we were actually going to meet. I reflected back that I never thought it would happen, that I would never get the opportunity to meet her face to face. The flight time came and I stood in line to board. My heart pounded so hard in my chest! I was terrified and excited beyond words. This was going to change me. If I get on that plane, there is no going back to where I am. I handed the attendant my pass and boarded the plane. As it raced down the runway and I was pushed back into the seat, I smiled. It was if weights fell from my shoulders and the air passed through me removing years of burden. And then I was in the air and on my way to her.
I landed and grabbed a cab. I sent her a text letting her know I was there. She had to run some errands but would come pick me up for dinner later. I went to the hotel. I was extremely nervous that she would find me inadequate in person, that we would be anxious, or just not click. I paced in my room, I had to do something. I had brought my workout clothes and the hotel had a gym. So I went and ran a couple miles on a treadmill. It helped drain away the nervousness and calmed the heart. I showered and got ready for her. She sent a text, she was so excited and on her way to me. I went outside to wait for her. The hotel was on a hill. I stood at its front doors and noticed that next door there looked to be a grocery store. She was going to be there at any minute, but I promised her to show her how she should be treated, how she should be loved. I ran down the drive to the back of the store and then around to the front. I knew they had to have flowers. I knew she couldn’t keep them but she deserved them! I went inside and there were bouquets right at the front. OMG, what color? I searched them and choose a reddish pink with white. They weren’t the best, she deserved better, flowers from a florist, but this was all I could get in time. She sent me a text.
“Are you in your room? Should I come into the hotel?” I replied “No, come next door to the grocery store.” “WHAT?” “Why are you at the grocery store?” I smiled to myself, hearing her voice. “I’ll be out in a minute. I’m standing in line.” “Buying what?!” “You’ll see.”
I walked out the front door with flowers in hand and scanned the parking lot for her. She saw me and pulled up to the front. I climbed in the passenger side and it was like meeting an old friend, it felt like coming home. There were no nerves, no hesitation, just Hallelujah! I handed her the flowers and she smiled a huge smile and shook her head at me. “Flowers?” “You’re crazy!” I smiled back and said “Yes, crazy for you.” We leaned in and kissed. It was magical, perfect, spiritual… Her lips were perfect; It was a chemical reaction of elements that had been separated for ages and brought together to once again be whole. We separated slowly and she smiled another huge smile and shook her head again as she stared amazingly at me. She drove to the restaurant. We parked right in front of it and kissed again. We made out right there like teenagers with deep passionate, kisses.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We went in and had a great conversation over a wonderful Italian dinner. We spoke freely about our spouses, kids and family to the scandalous glances from those patrons sitting around us. We held hands and touched each other’s arms and legs. We kissed again. She couldn’t wait to finish dinner and get back to my hotel. As we walked out the front door I grabbed her glorious ass and she giggled. We got into her car and kissed again. I told her I knew she couldn’t keep the flowers, but she deserved them. She said she may just take them home anyway. She smiled again and gave me some mints then asked “Ready to go back to the hotel?” With a huge smile “Yes, I am.”
We held hands as we walked into the hotel and up the stairs to my room. We went into my room and made ourselves comfortable. She sat on the couch smiling up at me eagerly and I moved into and cupped her face in my hands and kissed her. We made out like long separated lovers, grabbing and holding each other close as our tongues and lips joined. . She was so happy, so eager, so excited to be with me her face glowed. We moved from the couch to the bed. We made love over and over and over again. It was the most amazing, mind-blowing, soul-connecting sex either of us ever experienced. This was something so much more than physical sex. Both of us have had sex with APs, but this wasn’t that. We went for hours, hard and sweating, soft and tender, it was a spiritual awakening, a soul filling connection. As we made love one more time that night, she suddenly looked me in the eyes and whispered ever so softly, “I love you.”. Without hesitation I gratefully released the words I had wanted to say but kept bottled inside, “I love you too.”. She froze. I was terrified she was going to bolt like a startled doe that matched her beautiful brown eyes. I anxiously asked “Did I ruin it?”. She looked at me with such love, compassion and admiration and said, “No, you didn’t ruin it.”. We held each other so tight and kissed, as our souls merged into one…
But remember when I moved in you And the holy dove was moving too And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We sat naked together just holding each other, sharing songs that had special meanings to us, talking, enjoying just being with each other. An intimacy neither of us have experienced at least in very long time. She had to leave, she had to go home to her family. She had wore lacey Victoria Secret panties just for me. In 20 years of marriage my wife never has wore lingerie. I asked if I could keep them, she smiled and said “Yes! As a souvenir.”. We dressed and I walked her to her car. We took a selfie and we looked so perfect together, like we were meant to be together. I kissed her as she sat in her car and reminded her of the flowers in the back seat. She waved goodbye as she backed up and drove off. I stood there watching her go down the drive and then pull out of sight. I paused and a bittersweet smile touched my lips. This was a night I will never forget, a memory that means as much to me as the birth of my kids. I walked back inside out of the cold and sat on the corner of the bed and waited for her to text me that she was home safe.
I sat at the airport texting her the next day. I admitted to her that I had kept something from her, because I didn’t want it to weigh on her. Today was my 21st wedding anniversary. My body once again physically shook as the plane boarded, how can I leave her? Will I ever see her again?!?! How can I go home to a sexless, intimacy less marriage after being baptized in the experience of her?! But I must. I have to go back for my children. I am changed though. I’m not the man who left just 5 days ago. I’m in love, real love…
And it's not a cry that you hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah... Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah... Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Apr 9, 2017 0:31:56 GMT -5
I started a new job with a new company 3 weeks ago. My first 2 weeks were a trial by fire lots of hours/research doing some hardware architecture that was needed a month ago. I completed it got a server set up and a database and handed it over. whew...
So this week I joined Gold's Gym because it is closer to my office. I made it there 3 times this week and today I ran 5.33 miles in 58.34 minutes. YAY!!!
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Apr 9, 2017 0:20:20 GMT -5
Thank you! It's too bad we aren't in close proximity and not an ocean apart. We could split the cost of that apartment.
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Apr 9, 2017 0:08:40 GMT -5
Thank you all ( deborahmanning , shamwow , jpn , eternaloptimism , dinnaken , baza , iceman , bballgirl , Apocrypha , greatcoastal , Copernicus , lyn , McRoomMate , Rhapsodee) for your tremendous support! The group of people on here are wonderful. It is like going to an AA meeting only here it is a SM meeting. Only WE truly understand us and know when we need a shoulder and when we need a kick. I think its working. I'll keep coming back. RC *** UPDATE *** Today I talked to my son about the journal page. I started by telling him I don't know what exactly was in it because Mrs. Rex wouldn't show it to me and it was written over 20 years ago. I told him I believe that it was a page from a journal I wrote in that I happened to find one day while cleaning. I put it in my car to take to work to destroy it so that it wouldn't be seen by mistake. I never meant for Mrs. Rex to see it. I was 25 years old and angry and was just venting and it was harsh. I told him I am sorry that he and Mrs. Rex saw it. I asked if he had any questions. He had a lot of questions, and wanted to talk about the problems Mrs. Rex and I were having. I was very open with him and told him that this has gone on since before we were married. I told him about my self-esteem/image issues and abandonment issues from my childhood. How I blamed myself for Mrs. Rex and my issues and how I thought if I was just better at this or that, then everything would be better. I told him that I felt guilty for needing physical intimacy to feel loved and tried to suppress my need of it by working and going to college. I told him about how seven years ago I begged on my hands and knees crying to Mrs. Rex asking her to go to counseling with me and that she refused. I was honest and told him that Mrs. Rex and I are just different. That we speak two different love languages. I told him how I was stuck in this perpetual cycle on Maslow's Hierarchy because I could never get past the belonging and love need stage to the esteem stage because of this. My son completely understood and he said that his psychology class had spoken about getting stuck on a lower tier stage on Maslow's Hierarchy and not being able to get past it. He then told me that he has been dealing with the same issues of feeling guilty about needing physical intimacy to feel loved in his relationship with his girlfriend. He had his first sexual experience this past summer with a girl with very bad depression/bi-polar issues. It really messed him up. This girl would constantly put him down and say degrading things about him, but she also was his first sexual partner so he felt connected to her. It really messed up his head and has left him with psychological scars. He thanked me for telling him everything and told me it really helped him understand what he went through with this girl and what he was dealing with in his currently relationship. I told him to never feel guilty for wanting physical intimacy. I stressed that it isn't dirty or a bad thing and that there are women who have the same love language and same need that he and I do. I told him that he shouldn't try to suppress his needs so that he feels loved or he could end up just like me. He thanked me several times again and said it really helped. Then at the end he warmed my heart and said that he felt so much better knowing that he is more like me than he ever knew. We really connected today. I told him to come to me anytime he wanted to ask a question or just talk about it. I am always here for him. Maybe, just maybe I saved him from a future SM himself. Then we went to the mall and picked out his Tux for his upcoming prom. RC
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Apr 6, 2017 22:51:52 GMT -5
Wednesday night was Mrs. Rex’s and I first joint marriage counseling session. It was very bad. She is trying to play the victim and paint me in a bad light.
Before the session the therapist had us fill out a questionnaire and the first question was “What do you hope to accomplish through counseling?” There were two differing goals immediately. Mrs. Rex had hope that the marriage could be saved and if so wanted something completely different than our current relationship because she feels that I resent her.
Then I read my answer. “Work through the difficult and painful emotions and come to an understanding that our marriage has had problems for a very long time. Work together through counseling toward a separation plan in which everybody’s needs including our children’s, are addressed.”
This immediately brought Mrs. Rex to tears. The therapist asked Mrs. Rex how she felt about it, she replied: “I think he has lost his mind. I think this all stems from unresolved childhood issues along with untreated anxiety and depression”. She also said “I think the hole in him is so big now there is no way I can fill it”. The Therapist asked Mrs. Rex if it surprised her what I read and how she felt? Mrs. Rex broke down crying and said yes it was a surprise and that she “liked being married”. Notice she didn’t say she liked being married to me.
The therapist asked me how I felt about our sex lives. I stated “Mrs. Rex’s lack of desire makes intimacy feel like a chore, an obligation, and a job. This makes her feel like all I want is sex, all I want as she herself stated is “a piece of ass”! I need to be desired/wanted physically to connect emotionally, spiritually and feel loved. The lack of this impacts my self-esteem and confidence”. I said “It’s basic Maslow’s Hierarchy.”
In response Mrs. Rex changed the subject and said that I was never around, that I never took her anywhere. I quickly replied that I had heard that comment before in one of our fights. I told Mrs. Rex “you said the same thing to me one day when I asked about sex and the funny thing was that I had taken you to the movies that day and you responded that you were mad at me that day and almost didn’t go”.
The therapist stopped her and said I hear your concerns and we will address them but you haven’t responded to what Rex just said. The therapist asked Mrs. Rex if she had heard what I said and if she has desire for sex and if she initiated sex. Mrs. Rex said that she is very shy and can’t initiate sex. She told the therapist that she has no interest in sex right now because of the state of our marriage. I replied that she never has desire for sex with me and I have letters from her where she stated such. What I failed to mention in the heat of the moment was that when we first dated this shy Mrs. Rex initiated sex all the time. In that letter she wrote said that she remembered doing so but that it was new and exciting and she felt so special with me then. I also failed to mention Mrs. Rex telling me years ago that having sex once a month was her top maximum. This was a lie anyway, because years go between reset sex if you can call not touching me with her hands or anything besides laying down and allowing coitus really sex. Oh and also Mrs. Rex telling me those years ago that she doesn’t want to have sex for hours and hours and that she puts it off for as long as possible.
In victim form, she told the therapist that she has sacrificed and been a stay at home mom for our four children so that I could go to college and work long hours and advance my career. I replied that this is statement is unfair. I agreed that I have worked long hours and I did use work and college as a distraction from dealing with our SM issues. But, I have tried to encourage her to go back to college and have said to her that she could go at any time. I completed my bachelors in 2008 and waited 2 years until 2010 to go back for an MBA. I constantly asked her if she was going to go back to college and what she wanted to do. But she had no ambition to go back and didn’t know what she would study if she did.
She did go to training and got a real-estate license but never worked in the industry because of the housing market crash and she got a certificate to be a phlebotomist but couldn’t get hired because of the recession when no one was hiring. Being a stay at home mom is what she wanted to do all her life. She has constantly asked every time I’ve gotten a raise if she can quit her job. She only works part time at barely above minimum wage now. The therapist asked her, so you are very concerned about the financial aspect of a separation. To which Mrs. Rex said “Yes! How am I going to live with no degree on such little money? And I’m not talking about the child support or alimony he will pay. A divorce is great for him, he just got a new job, a promotion and a nice raise!” The therapist replied to my Mrs. Rex that finances are a very valid concern.
Mrs. Rex and I went back and forth about a few who did this, who did that for a while and the therapist finally interrupted and said to us that “saying who did what to whom is not going to resolve anything just lead to more animosity and resentment”. She then said “What we need to focus on is how do we work toward the main goal here which Rex has stated is a separation plan in which everybody’s needs are addressed”. By this time we were reaching the end of our session and the therapist was trying to get Mrs. Rex to agree to come back to another session, to which Mrs. Rex replied “I don’t see the use in it if we aren’t trying to fix the marriage”. I then replied to Mrs. Rex, we need this counseling so that we can communicate and work together for the best interests for our kids”. To which Mrs. Rex replied “Don’t ever tell me or think that I am not acting in the best interest of our kids”! Then she pulls out a letter and says to me “You see this letter, you wrote this letter 8 months into our marriage. It is the same thing, you complaining about our sex life and you say I’m getting fat in it. Well guess what your 17 year old son found this letter in his car (this use to be my car) and your 15 year old daughter has read it to. I’ve known about this since January but they first found it in September”. I looked at the therapist, whose mouth was dropped open, and it is now 5 minutes after the end of our session. In my mind I’m trying to recall this letter and any time in our 25 years together me writing she was fat or even thinking it!!! So I relied to Mrs. Rex, “So you’ve known about this letter since January, you’ve talked to our two oldest about it and I am just now finding out about it? You withheld this from me??!!” She said “Yes we weren’t talking then because we have been fighting and I was saving it for this session when someone else was present”. I was left stunned. I never thought that she would use the kids against me, but she already is. She has talked to them and I have no idea what she has said to them about the letter. Maybe she has told them that I have issues and untreated anxiety and depression like she said to the therapist. The therapist said “If you come back we can start by talking about the letter, but I think that you shouldn’t talk to each other for a few days and then try to communicate and decide if you are coming back”.
In the parking lot I asked Mrs. Rex to let me see the letter but she wouldn’t show it to me and she got in the car and drove off. In reflecting today about it, I remember that I had found an old journal one day in the basement that I had written something in, while I was angry at Mrs. Rex for not wanting and refusing sex early on. I ripped that page out and I think my idea was that I was going to take it to work to shred it because I didn’t want anyone one to see it. It was written in anger by a 25 years old man, who was being refused sex by his new bride. I must have put it in my glove compartment and forgot about it. Unfortunately now my two oldest kids have read it and took it to Mrs. Rex, not to me for an explanation.
Thank you for reading my story. It has been a mentally excruciating few days, “WHERE THE TEETH OF MADNESS JUMP JUMP DANCE AND SING!”
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Apr 1, 2017 20:20:17 GMT -5
It was a few months ago, I was dressed for bed in my boxers and my wife was complaining about her feet hurting. She was sitting on the bed in her PJs and robe. I offered to give her a foot rub. I climbed up onto the bed and pulled her feet in toward me. I close took her feet one at a time into my hands and massaged them. I did this for about 30 minutes, switching back and forth between her feet. I close my eyes when I’m doing this it seems to help me focus on giving the massage, the muscles in the foot, the arch, the pad of the foot, heel and each individual toe.
When I finished I asked her “Does that feel better?” She replied “yes thank you”, then she pointed at my crotch and said “but your little buddy is sticking out”. My dick had slipped out of my boxers while I was massaging her feet and I hadn’t noticed. ugh
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Apr 1, 2017 20:02:14 GMT -5
ran 5.2 miles today in 57 minutes
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Mar 18, 2017 15:07:28 GMT -5
Life has been crazy. I am changing jobs, and have been teaching an IT team of 5 people how to do the job I have done over the past 2 years. lol
Anyway my exercises have been few and far between and my posting worse!!
Today I did weights (Chest and Biceps) I increased my bench press to: 185lbs - 6x 205lbs - 4x 205lbs - 4x 185lbs - 5x
I know, it's nothing huge, but I have been stuck at 185lbs for a while. Not too bad for a 165lb guy. :-)
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Mar 18, 2017 15:02:20 GMT -5
After a hellish last week at work, I'm back on the exercise wagon this week. Plan is to continue lifting at the Y before work 3-4 times a week, running the Greenway behind my office 3-4 times a week, and cycling at least once a week. I'll add swimming back into that as well; friends and I are looking at sprint triathlons later in the year. For diet, I'm going full vegetarian for Lent, abd restricting myself to a max of 3 meals out and two drinks per week. While the intent isn't just to help with weight loss, I know it'll be a side benefit. eternaloptimism , any recipes you have would be awesome. WOW THIS IS AWESOME cagedtiger!! Keep us updated on your progress!!
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Mar 18, 2017 14:58:25 GMT -5
Also, just feel like putting this thought in this thread -- this IS relevant to both a SM and a happy marriage or post sm life (single and dating or just single) because how we feel about ourselves is so related to how we treat ourselves and take care of ourselves. I know I make a better wife when I am exercising and feeding myself properly. My husband supports and loves me at any size (and has proven that) but I also know I am easier to live with when I feel GOOD about myself. So I WILL get through Gorilla Workout, Level One by Saturday March 25th (20 days of workouts). LOVE THIS!! It truly is related WindSister, thank you!
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Mar 11, 2017 20:24:02 GMT -5
Hi obobfla , I am extremely sorry to hear about your wife. Fucking cancer! I will send her my prayers and healing vibes. I understand what she is going through. I am a 14 year testicular cancer survivor. I was fortunate in that I caught it very early, and it was all contained within one testicle. I “only” had to go through surgery to have the testicle removed and 3 weeks of radiation from my navel to my groin. My oncologist told me that the radiation shouldn’t be bad… That first night I got dreadfully sick to my stomach, like I had never been before nor since. You lose all sense of privacy. I was dropping my pants and being felt up it seemed continuously. Normally a good thing when you’re a member of this board, but the dentist office didn’t understand why I walked in and immediately dropped trou. (LOL, just kidding) You have to maintain a sense of humor about it, but more seriously it was embarrassing. Having to masturbate in a public restroom multiple times to provide immediate sperm samples… ugh. My wife refused to even drive with me and stay in the car when I had those visits. I find that I am still very resentful about her being unable to even sit in the car and wait for me when I had to do this. I tell everyone who asks that “we”, meaning survivors, are the lucky ones. We know how precious each and every day truly is. When I was diagnosed, the grass was never greener, the sky was never bluer, the air was never sweeter. It bring in high focus what is important, which in and of itself fucks with your head. You suddenly want to live every moment as if it were your last, but you can’t do that and be a productive member of society, to be a father, to be a breadwinner. I drew inward and put on a strong face, but inside I was so frightened and mentally a mess. I am grateful she has you to be there and support her. Remember you will need your own support. Be kind to yourself and practice self love. When you need a break, take one. If I can provide any insight or any support please reach out to me. I am always happy to openly share my experience with anyone. We have to be open and communicate about these things so that others can understand. I enjoy joking about testicular cancer. It helps other feel more comfortable. You can’t call me “nuts” maybe a “nut” but not “nuts”. I’m just more aerodynamic that other men. Oh and I can’t get blue “ball s” anymore! RC
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Mar 5, 2017 14:11:03 GMT -5
Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Mar 4, 2017 20:23:50 GMT -5
Ran 4.7 miles in 52 minutes. Wanted to make it to 5 miles but majorly hit the wall and had to stop.
|
|