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Post by Handy on Apr 23, 2019 21:46:10 GMT -5
part 2: What can you do to start living your ideal life?Finding a way to tell some people what I really think but doing it without causing too much trouble for them or me. How to do that? I think some of the people I have in mind would be very upset if I spoke what was on my mind. As it is I weigh the cost vs benefits of what I do say.
edit to add.
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Post by h on Apr 23, 2019 23:27:12 GMT -5
Part 2: I'm paying down debts as much as I can and fixing up the house so it will be easier to sell when we eventually get a divorce. I'm also stockpiling as much money as I can in a separate account so that I can afford to pay for my freedom when the time comes.
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Post by choosinghappy on Apr 24, 2019 8:44:07 GMT -5
sadkat : “What is your ideal life?” And “what can you do to start living that life?” Are probably the most important questions you can ask the lot of us! Thanks for making me think.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 24, 2019 10:17:21 GMT -5
choosinghappy- Thank you! It means a lot when I get positive feedback about this thread! Finding good questions can be challenging sometimes. And- I love questions that make me think! If I’m going to go through the stress and pain involved in a divorce, I should take this opportunity to get to know myself and make improvements so that I can live the best life I can! I’m looking forward to your answer!
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Post by sadkat on Apr 24, 2019 10:19:52 GMT -5
part 2: What can you do to start living your ideal life?Finding a way to tell some people what I really think but doing it without causing too much trouble for them or me. How to do that? I think some of the people I have in mind would be very upset. Handy- sometimes telling someone close to you what you are thinking and feeling can feel very intimidating. It would be helpful to prepare for such conversations. There are a lot of self help materials out there that deal with having difficult conversations. Perhaps, if this is something that is important to you, you could start by checking out some of this material?
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Post by sadkat on Apr 24, 2019 10:21:00 GMT -5
Part 2: I'm paying down debts as much as I can and fixing up the house so it will be easier to sell when we eventually get a divorce. I'm also stockpiling as much money as I can in a separate account so that I can afford to pay for my freedom when the time comes. h- wow! You’ve come a long way since December! I hope you can find your way to a more fulfilling life!
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Post by isthisit on Apr 24, 2019 14:56:24 GMT -5
Part 2: So for me the first thing I did to take me to the ideal was to begin the process of separating from my deal. I am currently content to come to terms with this and take my time to become more comfortable in my own skin before being open to a new relationship. I am hoping this will be a wise investment, so should opportunity come knocking I will be available and also be the 'best me I can be' to embrace the opportunity with both hands. My difficulty is likely to be controlling concerns about a repeat of my previously idyllic relationship going pear shaped again. More work to do on that one in the longer term I suspect.
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Post by Handy on Apr 24, 2019 16:42:51 GMT -5
Sadkat There are a lot of self help materials out there that deal with having difficult conversations.I have the Boundary books by Cloud and a book titled "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." My guess as to why speaking honestly is intimidating for me is I am the peace keeper, "lets all work this stuff out," or maybe I am not with my tribe. Maybe I am just too considerate or not comfortable to make waves that might capsize the relationship.
I suppose it is time to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" for the umpteenth time.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 24, 2019 18:50:20 GMT -5
Handy: I too am a peace keeper at heart and have a hard time with difficult conversations. I’ve had a lot of practice over the past several months as I’ve worked to convince my h that our marriage was over. These conversations were not comfortable but still kept the peace (for the most part). It’s more about being true to yourself but still being respectful towards those you are disagreeing with. Preparing for those conversations is key. I have not read “No More Me Nice Guy” so cannot comment on whether or not it will give you the tools to improve in this area.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 24, 2019 18:52:43 GMT -5
isthisit- you’ve taken a major step toward your ideal life. I know how difficult it is as I’m right there with you. I’m currently still living with h until we can get the house on the market and sold. For the near term, I’m extremely grateful to be able to immerse myself in work!
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Post by sadkat on Apr 26, 2019 9:20:19 GMT -5
Question for today and the weekend: What is the biggest step you can take now that will create the biggest result?
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Post by h on Apr 26, 2019 10:09:44 GMT -5
Question for today and the weekend: What is the biggest step you can take now that will create the biggest result? The biggest step that will have the biggest result is getting my W into a decent job that she can live on. For mem that means continuing to search job postings and helping her by proofreading applications to improve the chance she will get hired somewhere.
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firefollower
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Post by firefollower on Apr 26, 2019 13:49:43 GMT -5
Question for today and the weekend: What is the biggest step you can take now that will create the biggest result? For me, it would be securing a future after retirement (I have to retire in 4 years, mandatory as per my pension)...considering that approximately 40% of my income and retirement account will go to my W...(already had been working 12 years before we got married)....the step would be to prepare a resume and get it out there. I have gotten some phone numbers of some people to talk to about future employment.
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Post by saarinista on Apr 26, 2019 15:30:48 GMT -5
Question for today and the weekend: What is the biggest step you can take now that will create the biggest result? The biggest step that will have the biggest result is getting my W into a decent job that she can live on. For mem that means continuing to search job postings and helping her by proofreading applications to improve the chance she will get hired somewhere. I hope she's taking some initiative too.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2019 16:51:20 GMT -5
Biggest step, hmmmm. Sadkat has such great questions. Not to diminish the primary reasons we are all here but it has helped my view of SM when I'm just struggling to get shelter. I've been out in AZ while my W is back in the Midwest while our home sells. The real estate market here is so hot that it's hard to buy an existing house unless you have a bag full of cash from selling your place in California. So, we bought a lot and are building. I'm the general contractor and the architect (my background is in commercial construction).
So, with all of that preview the biggest step I can make is to finish the house plans this weekend. I've got my AutoCAD and Red Bull all ready to go!
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