|
Post by iceman on Apr 24, 2018 5:51:14 GMT -5
It took about 15 years to go from barely acceptable to completely unacceptable, but still having very occasional sex, to completely sexless. I missed many red flags before we married, or rather I rationalized them away. I’ve been paying the price of that for many years now.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 24, 2018 7:20:47 GMT -5
It took about 15 years to go from barely acceptable to completely unacceptable, but still having very occasional sex, to completely sexless. I missed many red flags before we married, or rather I rationalized them away. I’ve been paying the price of that for many years now. Sometimes I think this should be renamed from ILIASM to "the red flag club"
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 24, 2018 7:41:52 GMT -5
There's a weird similarity about many of the respondents here, as all pretty much say the same thing. Most say the problem was there from the get go, and not a fucking one of them improved. Indeed, most got worse. 7 of the respondents subsequently left their situations 8 of the respondents have not --- yet.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 24, 2018 8:09:38 GMT -5
There's a weird similarity about many of the respondents here, as all pretty much say the same thing. Most say the problem was there from the get go, and not a fucking one of them improved. Indeed, most got worse. 7 of the respondents subsequently left their situations 8 of the respondents have not --- yet. Agreed. Maybe this is wishful thinking but before we completely rule out the chances of a sexless or sex scarce marriage from being changed, I think it’s worth considering whether someone who has managed to turn this around, would even be on this forum? The answer is surely no. Based on the feedback on here, 100% it will never get better and in fact only ever get worse.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 24, 2018 8:32:09 GMT -5
Not entirely true Brother rejected101 . Brother timeforliving2 has a credible case of his deal doing a 180. He was a reasonably regular contributor to the group, but I haven't seen him around since about January this year. But you need to take that in context. There are 1,088 members here. Brother timeforliving2 represents 00.09%
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 24, 2018 8:34:42 GMT -5
There's a weird similarity about many of the respondents here, as all pretty much say the same thing. Most say the problem was there from the get go, and not a fucking one of them improved. Indeed, most got worse. 7 of the respondents subsequently left their situations 8 of the respondents have not --- yet. Actually, most people here (including myself) say that "everything is fine except the sex". The painful peeling of that pleasent fiction often takes a while but it is only after that is done we can see the red flags so painfully obvious in retrospect.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 24, 2018 8:43:35 GMT -5
Not entirely true Brother rejected101 . Brother timeforliving2 has a credible case of his deal doing a 180. He was a reasonably regular contributor to the group, but I haven't seen him around since about January this year. But you need to take that in context. There are 1,088 members here. Brother timeforliving2 represents 00.09% Correct. For this to happen many things all have to go the right way and unfortunately the other party gets a vote as well. It isn't stated enough (although Baza you have recently said it well) that the refuser might be just as miserable. For all things to turn around both parties need to be motivated by something more than mutual fear of divorce for fearful reasons (religious, financial, kids, etc). There has to be a positive reason for both to stick it out. Unfortunately by the time most get here that ship has sailed.
|
|
kittymox
Junior Member
Just a dandelion
Posts: 32
Age Range: 41-45
|
Post by kittymox on Apr 24, 2018 10:45:06 GMT -5
We were passionate bunnies at first. We spent so much time in bed that he actually lost his job from skipping out on work to shag. When he stopped drinking, he could no longer quiet the voices of fear and insecurity and PTSD previously silenced with booze, and sex went into rapid decline much to my confused surprised. He became very judgmental of my desires, fantasies, and kinks. Now, 3 years later, it's every 2 to 4 months,only in the middle of the night, and very vanilla.
|
|
firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
Posts: 154
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by firefollower on Apr 24, 2018 11:59:28 GMT -5
Mine is similar to Shamwow...bait and switch. She got the house, kids and bank account...no need for sex anymore. I should have been more aware of what was happening...while we dated there was sex all of the time to the point where I could not keep up.
A side note maybe not for this thread...the benefits of technology... I came home unexpected yesterday morning because of a meeting I had and watched as my wife left to take the kids to school...she also noticed me and waved. To avoid having to be alone in an empty house with me, she purposely stayed of the house. I tracked her phone and noted that she parked on a side street after dropping the kids off and stayed there for at least 20 minutes...I just returned to work...very humiliating.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Apr 24, 2018 12:46:35 GMT -5
A side note maybe not for this thread...the benefits of technology... I came home unexpected yesterday morning because of a meeting I had and watched as my wife left to take the kids to school...she also noticed me and waved. To avoid having to be alone in an empty house with me, she purposely stayed of the house. I tracked her phone and noted that she parked on a side street after dropping the kids off and stayed there for at least 20 minutes...I just returned to work...very humiliating. Looks like evidence that the refuser might be just as miserable :-( I'm sorry, firefollower. To be honest, I have done this before - Run an extra errand in the morning because I knew that would mean my H would be gone by the time I got back.
|
|
firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
Posts: 154
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by firefollower on Apr 24, 2018 12:52:37 GMT -5
Thanks Lonelywifey...I appreciate your honesty. The slow evolution of the SM in my case is probably what is most troublesome to me. I can still remember the good times and therefore hope that they will return...hope is my prison.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 24, 2018 13:02:24 GMT -5
Thanks Lonelywifey...I appreciate your honesty. The slow evolution of the SM in my case is probably what is most troublesome to me. I can still remember the good times and therefore hope that they will return...hope is my prison. Just remember you are also the warden.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Apr 24, 2018 13:31:53 GMT -5
Thanks Lonelywifey...I appreciate your honesty. The slow evolution of the SM in my case is probably what is most troublesome to me. I can still remember the good times and therefore hope that they will return...hope is my prison. Just remember you are also the warden. Makes me think of the quote: “There is no key to happiness; the door is open”.
|
|
littlelamb
Junior Member
I don't know.
Posts: 56
Age Range: 26-30
|
Post by littlelamb on Apr 24, 2018 21:42:55 GMT -5
lots at first before marriage, afterwards he quit initiating and it turned in to an annoyance to him for me to try and initiate...there have been a few times occasionally over the past 4 years (though not in the past year) where I would feel like I should leave and would pack everything I own up and I was sure we should divorce because I was sure he wasn't in love with me anymore and he would then and I would stay. and am still here.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Apr 25, 2018 0:51:42 GMT -5
Welcome to the site littlelamb. What you experienced there is what we call "reset sex". That's when they see things are so desperate that they must take action; in return, we might feel temporarily satisfied and falsely hopeful that "things are turning a corner". Some of us have lived this cycle for decades, and a search here will turn up lots of discussion on it.
|
|