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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Mar 17, 2018 15:44:51 GMT -5
This was my emotional breakdown yesterday...I was sitting at work listening to spotify. Randomly, the Maine's Am I Pretty came on. It hit so hard that I started crying. Crying turned to a nosebleed. I was a mess. Luckily, I was the only one in the office! Sadly, this sexless marriage has really hit my self esteem. It is hard to feel beautiful when you don't feel heard or wanted. It's difficult to watch others (being loved) and wish so hard that was your life. I want to be held, touched, loved so badly it literally causes physical pain. My heart aches nearly every day...and has for way too long. I know where I am headed. I am in the process of getting things together to finally leave. But now I wonder...who will want this broken girl? Is there hope after leaving...or will I simply be leaving one type of loneliness for another? I am so out of practice with anything...and I feel, at 44, time isn't on my side
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Post by takestwototango on Mar 17, 2018 15:54:50 GMT -5
At 49, I feel the same way. I just want it to be over most days so that I can get on with my life
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Post by shamwow on Mar 17, 2018 16:19:46 GMT -5
Battered and broken are two different things. Most people here are battered. We were dealt a shitty hand.
Broken? That is up to you.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Mar 17, 2018 16:30:17 GMT -5
I'm out, and feel this way more often than not. 47 and wondering if I'll ever find someone else. I guess I have to keep moving forward, be social with friends, and try to stay positive. {{hugs}}
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Post by elynne on Mar 17, 2018 16:40:24 GMT -5
This was my emotional breakdown yesterday...I was sitting at work listening to spotify. Randomly, the Maine's Am I Pretty came on. It hit so hard that I started crying. Crying turned to a nosebleed. I was a mess. Luckily, I was the only one in the office! Sadly, this sexless marriage has really hit my self esteem. It is hard to feel beautiful when you don't feel heard or wanted. It's difficult to watch others (being loved) and wish so hard that was your life. I want to be held, touched, loved so badly it literally causes physical pain. My heart aches nearly every day...and has for way too long. I know where I am headed. I am in the process of getting things together to finally leave. But now I wonder...who will want this broken girl? Is there hope after leaving...or will I simply be leaving one type of loneliness for another? I am so out of practice with anything...and I feel, at 44, time isn't on my side Hope. Hope is the one saving grace that came out of Pandora’s box. We all have those moments where we wallow in the dark place where we currently sit. Maybe we need those moments of despair and overwhelming grief to wipe the slate clean. I’ve crumpled to the floor, coat still on, bag still on my shoulder, and ugly cried for an hour after a text from my h. No need to be ashamed. But the next step - that’s the important one. Acknowledge the grief, the fear. Embrace it. Instead of trying to push it down ask yourself ‘ok. What’s the worst that can happen?’ Flesh it out. In the light of day, not in the depths of your subconscious, you can plan for the worst case scenario. AND handle it! When I’m at my absolute lowest, I tell myself things are dark. Things are hard and they’re probably going to get harder before they get better. But I have faith that there are better times on the other side of this rough patch. Why do I believe this? Because I’m not going to give up until I figure this out. Just because you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel doesn’t mean it’s not there. You’ve got this. And you’re not alone.
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Post by baza on Mar 17, 2018 16:44:41 GMT -5
Potentially, the question of "who would want me" is an exciting question. Of all the eligible blokes out there, which one(s) might you consider allowing into your orbit ? Potentially, the exact same question might be a bear trap. Under that line of thinking you might allow the first bloke who expresses some interest in you into your orbit. Being "the first bloke to express some interest" ain't necessarily indicative of him being the right bloke. You are entitled to be choosy Sister tiredofbeinglonely ... in fact it is imperative that you are choosy. Meantime, there is your ILIASM shithole to bring to conclusion.
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Mar 17, 2018 16:58:23 GMT -5
Battered and broken are two different things. Most people here are battered. We were dealt a shitty hand. Broken? That is up to you. Heartbroken...that will take a bit of doing to repair.
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saxby
New Member
Posts: 13
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Post by saxby on Mar 17, 2018 17:00:43 GMT -5
I'm trying NOT to base my self esteem on whether someone wants me. That's giving too much power away. Sure, my self esteem is on the floor now, but I still love myself. I hate rejection but if I reject myself it's over. Everything is over.
I have to tell myself I am worth it. I am worthwhile.
Funnily enough I was slightly resentful when someone on FB was telling the world of her new lover... ah get over yourself. Lol
I don't want to turn into a bitter person but I'm fine with temp bitterness. I'm fine with my defects right now.
It's ok. I'm ok.
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Mar 17, 2018 17:01:00 GMT -5
Potentially, the question of "who would want me" is an exciting question. Of all the eligible blokes out there, which one(s) might you consider allowing into your orbit ? Potentially, the exact same question might be a bear trap. Under that line of thinking you might allow the first bloke who expresses some interest in you into your orbit. Being "the first bloke to express some interest" ain't necessarily indicative of him being the right bloke. You are entitled to be choosy Sister tiredofbeinglonely ... in fact it is imperative that you are choosy. Meantime, there is your ILIASM shithole to bring to conclusion. I see what you mean. I think I will be the opposite...too afraid to allow someone in who might hurt me again. I might let some good ones pass me by...afraid of being hurt, assuming the worst, questioningv intentions. Again, this marriage has really played a number on my self esteem.
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Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 17:07:10 GMT -5
This was my emotional breakdown yesterday...I was sitting at work listening to spotify. Randomly, the Maine's Am I Pretty came on. It hit so hard that I started crying. Crying turned to a nosebleed. I was a mess. Luckily, I was the only one in the office! Sadly, this sexless marriage has really hit my self esteem. It is hard to feel beautiful when you don't feel heard or wanted. It's difficult to watch others (being loved) and wish so hard that was your life. I want to be held, touched, loved so badly it literally causes physical pain. My heart aches nearly every day...and has for way too long. I know where I am headed. I am in the process of getting things together to finally leave. But now I wonder...who will want this broken girl? Is there hope after leaving...or will I simply be leaving one type of loneliness for another? I am so out of practice with anything...and I feel, at 44, time isn't on my side Hey, I've got a virtual hug for you. Stay strong. If you can just keep moving forward a little each day, eventually you will come out the other side. You can do this. In the mean time, you've got lots of support here.
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Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 17:10:42 GMT -5
At 49, I feel the same way. I just want it to be over most days so that I can get on with my life Just keep hanging on. Be your avatar. Get your fists up (or paws) and keep on keepin' on.
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Post by baza on Mar 17, 2018 18:29:53 GMT -5
Potentially, the question of "who would want me" is an exciting question. Of all the eligible blokes out there, which one(s) might you consider allowing into your orbit ? Potentially, the exact same question might be a bear trap. Under that line of thinking you might allow the first bloke who expresses some interest in you into your orbit. Being "the first bloke to express some interest" ain't necessarily indicative of him being the right bloke. You are entitled to be choosy Sister tiredofbeinglonely ... in fact it is imperative that you are choosy. Meantime, there is your ILIASM shithole to bring to conclusion. I see what you mean. I think I will be the opposite...too afraid to allow someone in who might hurt me again. I might let some good ones pass me by...afraid of being hurt, assuming the worst, questioningv intentions. Again, this marriage has really played a number on my self esteem. Somewhere between the two extremities - being susceptible to accepting the first bloke that comes along, and being so gun shy that you aren't even going to entertain the idea of a new relationship - lies your future Sister tiredofbeinglonely . Your ILIASM shithole has done a number on you, and that, unfortunately, comes with the territory. No-one exposed to an ILIASM shithole escapes that. But it need not be an irredeemable situation. You can work your way through it...but not without pain. There are many stories in here of persons who have worked their way through ( GeekGoddess as an example) and come out the other end, a bit banged up for the experience. Some people find individual counselling to be of assistance in the process. Others find group therapy helps. Discussing and argueing in groups like this have value for some people. Plugging in to their support network works for some. Anyway, underlying point I want to make is that you CAN recover from the beating your ILIASM shithole gave you. It IS possible.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 17, 2018 19:21:20 GMT -5
"Sadly, this sexless marriage has really hit my self esteem. It is hard to feel beautiful when you don't feel heard or wanted. It's difficult to watch others (being loved) and wish so hard that was your life. I want to be held, touched, loved so badly it literally causes physical pain. My heart aches nearly every day...and has for way too long."
At 42, I felt the same way. At about 55, I hit rock bottom, thought I was having a heart attack, but it turned out, I was suffering from severe clinical depression. I got into individual therapy, accepted antidepressants, and began living my life for myself, not my husband. Independently, I pursued hobbies and interests that I'd either given up or had been intrigued by but thought I didn't have the talent to do. Sometimes when I did these things, I was the oldest person present. I made new friends, discovered abilities I didn't know I had. My self confidence improved. I also began dressing in a way that was more stylish -- I dressed to look good to me, not to my husband (who never commented on my looks).
When I was 60, I woke up one day and realized I'd rather be single than remain in a marriage in which I was unappreciated. I also realized I'd be happier single than alone in a marriage. I asked for a divorce and got one. Due to my age, at best I was hoping to have mutually enjoyable sex one more time. I ended up-- to my surprise -- getting into a relationship with a man I'd known for years due to a hobby I'd taken up. We've now been together 5 years. He is unlike any man I've ever dated (An example of how unless one doesn't do some serious self exploration about why one got into and stayed in a SM, it's likely to happen again. You'd be likely to pick someone who may look different from your refuser, but have similar personality traits). We've now been together 5 years and he is the love of my life, returning my passion and love.
Concentrate on yourself -- becoming the you who makes you happy. You're lucky that you're only in you're 40s when you've found this spot and can begin to take the steps to improve your life and your future. I was 61 when I found ILIASM's precursor. It was a week after my divorce was final. I'd have made faster progress if I'd had the good lucky you've had in finding so much support and information at such a young age.
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Post by choosinghappy on Mar 17, 2018 19:25:48 GMT -5
((Hugs)) I completely get it. This post, and the responses, made me think of the following quote I posted in the quotes thread the other day. (We just have to get to a place where we truly believe it and LIVE it.)
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 17, 2018 19:27:22 GMT -5
I was there to, you will find your pen way to put yourself back together again.
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