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Post by surfergirl on Feb 2, 2018 12:51:49 GMT -5
choosinghappy -- True, true, my friend. Just trying to give our pal a little happiness (which seems to have worked). There is a part of me that is very sad and very serious. And then there is another part that says, "Hell, we gotta have some fun in this hell hole we are all huddled in." If this were a war movie, I would be the guy in the foxhole, knowing our destiny and the seriousness of it, who starts making jokes and talking about apple pie....not because I don't know what's up, but because I do.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 12:55:14 GMT -5
Any women who want to send lingerie pics directly to me, though, should not feel any need to hold back
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Post by WindSister on Feb 2, 2018 14:46:13 GMT -5
I had neither with my ex, have both with my now-husband. Inbetween I had a little of this and that. I prefer both in one package.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 15:46:09 GMT -5
Any women who want to send lingerie pics directly to me, though, should not feel any need to hold back Damn. I thought that line might actually work
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 2, 2018 15:59:32 GMT -5
Which would you prefer: A partner that cuddles you and loves you and kisses you and who you can share intimate secrets with but who never touches you sexually, or A partner who you have great sex with, every position and then some, whenever you want, but who cannot be intimate with you and can't even kiss you lovingly? I have neither, but I would prefer the sex.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 2, 2018 16:34:30 GMT -5
In my marriage, if I could only have one I'd take the intimacy. Then perhaps I could have a happy and somewhat fulfilling home life and when I really need NSA sex I could outsource. I think that would make me happier than having as much sex as I want with my H but zero intimacy. Outsourcing for just sex is much less complicated than outsourcing for intimacy. I believe you'll always feel closer to the person you have intimacy with over the person you have intimacy-free sex with. So if I had my druthers I'd want to be closer to my H than to an AP, therefore: intimacy over sex for me. Your post got me to thinking about how very difficult in can be to be your "true self" when LIASM. Right after thinking that ,I had an example occur seconds later in my own home. My FIL has been in the hospital for 4 weeks, not here in the house living with us. It's been quite refreshing. He's only been back a few moments now. He wanted to walk down the hall way and his oxygen cord wasn't long enough, he needed help. it made me think about how little he does, how much he sleeps all day, takes a few steps has to sit down. And then I thought about my W. Comes home goes straight for the recliner, puts her pajamas on and is DONE for the next 11 or 12 hrs. Just how toxic having that "No need for life - zero intimacy- zero sex." environment around you, what it does to your desire to be "all that you can be?"
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Post by saarinista on Feb 2, 2018 19:06:21 GMT -5
I can't choose between the two. They both sound great.
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Post by orangepeel on Feb 4, 2018 2:41:03 GMT -5
My wife seems to think that marriage actually IS intimacy without sex. She wants and expects all that snuggling and so on that takes place in healthy relationships up to but not beyond - no, never beyond - the point when hands wander to asses and tits or wherever. This artificial (and permanent) delineation point is plain unnatural and makes all intimacy weird and pointless. It feels like spooning with your sister or something. So I’m the one who’s avoidant there. It’s a fake currency. It’s make-believe bullshit. It’s why, in a marriage, you just can’t have intimacy without sex. Period.
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Post by footballbat on Feb 4, 2018 15:19:04 GMT -5
I married very young, so my sexual experience was very limited. I didn’t know what true intimacy was. In my marriage it just never happened. That’s part of the fun of being married to an intimacy averse spouse. I thought sex must be like this for everyone. When the sex went away in my marriage, I was sure it was sex I was missing. Man, I was naive. Once I found my outsourcing partner I also found intimacy for the first time. Our intimacy developed over many years. It’s impossible to explain it to someone that has never experienced true intimacy. The word “AWESOME” is a good adjective to describe it, but really doesn’t do it justice. The amazing thing is, she and I have been together 8 years and we still have amazing, passionate, intimate sex.
I would choose intimacy over fun sex. Lucky people get to experience both!
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Post by flounder on Feb 4, 2018 15:31:28 GMT -5
I have neither so I’ll take a double.
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Post by saarinista on Feb 5, 2018 15:19:27 GMT -5
Any women who want to send lingerie pics directly to me, though, should not feel any need to hold back Damn. I thought that line might actually work Well guys, I guess we could try sending you Victoria's Secret catalogs. How would that be?
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Post by saarinista on Feb 5, 2018 15:26:57 GMT -5
A question for the women (I presume) on the forum anybody purchase anything from Victoria's Secret lately? I haven't been there in years but last time I want the quality of the merchandise was lacking. I don't know about all of you all but if I'm going to spend money on fancy undies, I want them to be able to stand up to a bit of tugging and flinging. LOL
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Post by h on Feb 5, 2018 15:33:57 GMT -5
A question for the women (I presume) on the forum anybody purchase anything from Victoria's Secret lately? I haven't been there in years but last time I want the quality of the merchandise was lacking. I don't know about all of you all but if I'm going to spend money on fancy undies, I want them to be able to stand up to a bit of tugging and flinging. LOL Maybe they were more designed for ripping and tearing...😂
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Post by saarinista on Feb 5, 2018 15:50:41 GMT -5
A question for the women (I presume) on the forum anybody purchase anything from Victoria's Secret lately? I haven't been there in years but last time I want the quality of the merchandise was lacking. I don't know about all of you all but if I'm going to spend money on fancy undies, I want them to be able to stand up to a bit of tugging and flinging. LOL Maybe they were more designed for ripping and tearing...😂 True dat and I can appreciate that fact, but I'd like it to stand up for a little while. At least a couple episodes, given the amount of time one has to put into shopping for properly fitting bras, etc. (Guys if you don't know how hard it can be for some of us consider yourselves lucky.) I guess I just thought a lot of it was kind of tacky, too. Why don't they make anything out of real silk these days? Everything is all polyester and rayon. Grumble, grumble. I guess I'm a curmudgeonly lingeriesta. Old school as well as (sorta) old. Oh for the days of yore, when bias -cut silk charmeuse nightgowns trimmed with Alencon lace were de rigéur. Sigh. Totally off topic but there are actually people who make their own bras and other lingerie. They're all over Instagram. If I can ever get my sewing gene to kick in I might do that, because beautiful lingerie is, well, beautiful. Plus it's about the only way you can get real silk next year skin these days without paying a like $300 for a bra. Okay sorry for that sidebar, but hey!
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Post by h on Feb 5, 2018 16:01:21 GMT -5
Maybe they were more designed for ripping and tearing...😂 True dat and I can appreciate that fact, but I'd like it to stand up for a little while. At least a couple episodes, given the amount of time one has to put into shopping for properly fitting bras, etc. (Guys if you don't know how hard it can be for some of us consider yourselves lucky.) I guess I just thought a lot of it was kind of tacky, too. Why don't they make anything out of real silk these days? Everything is all polyester and rayon. Grumble, grumble. I guess I'm a curmudgeonly lingeriesta. Old school as well as (sorta) old. Oh for the days of yore, when bias -cut silk charmeuse nightgowns trimmed with Alencon lace were de rigéur. Sigh. Totally off topic but there are actually people who make their own bras and other lingerie. They're all over Instagram. If I can ever get my sewing gene to kick in I might do that, because beautiful lingerie is, well, beautiful. Plus it's about the only way you can get real silk next year skin these days without paying a like $300 for a bra. Okay sorry for that sidebar, but hey! If you want it to last longer, you could always go with leather! 😉
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