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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 10:22:38 GMT -5
In my marriage, if I could only have one I'd take the intimacy. Then perhaps I could have a happy and somewhat fulfilling home life and when I really need NSA sex I could outsource. I think that would make me happier than having as much sex as I want with my H but zero intimacy. Outsourcing for just sex is much less complicated than outsourcing for intimacy. I believe you'll always feel closer to the person you have intimacy with over the person you have intimacy-free sex with. So if I had my druthers I'd want to be closer to my H than to an AP, therefore: intimacy over sex for me. Which brings up another interesting question: has anyone successfully outsourced for sex and intimacy, while staying married, for any appreciable length of time?
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Post by ihadalove on Feb 2, 2018 10:28:03 GMT -5
I think whichever one you choose, long term you'll eventually crave whichever you don't have. I'm not lacking for intimacy in a non sexual way so I'd pick the second, but I'm sure I'd miss the first eventually.
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Post by Apocrypha on Feb 2, 2018 10:29:23 GMT -5
Like Brother jim44444 wisely notes, either option would be a HUGE trade up from an ILIASM shithole. I think though, that a partner who resists intimacy with you in general will eventually have that resistance expressed through eros. Sex without desire can be done, but it can become a passive-aggressive club with which to punish you with what you love, turning it backwards.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 2, 2018 10:34:22 GMT -5
In my marriage, if I could only have one I'd take the intimacy. Then perhaps I could have a happy and somewhat fulfilling home life and when I really need NSA sex I could outsource. I think that would make me happier than having as much sex as I want with my H but zero intimacy. Outsourcing for just sex is much less complicated than outsourcing for intimacy. I believe you'll always feel closer to the person you have intimacy with over the person you have intimacy-free sex with. So if I had my druthers I'd want to be closer to my H than to an AP, therefore: intimacy over sex for me. Which brings up another interesting question: has anyone successfully outsourced for sex and intimacy, while staying married, for any appreciable length of time? I would assume if both APs are happy with the status quo and both want to stay in their marriages then yes, this should be able to happen until either a) someone becomes unhappy with the situation or b) they get caught. Why, want to give it a go?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 10:37:28 GMT -5
I would assume if both APs are happy with the status quo and both want to stay in their marriages then yes, this should be able to happen until either a) someone becomes unhappy with the situation or b) they get caught. Why, want to give it a go? Might want to take that offline But actually, I am wondering if such a solution is sustainable over a long period of time. For pure research purposes, mind you
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Post by surfergirl on Feb 2, 2018 11:17:03 GMT -5
I would assume if both APs are happy with the status quo and both want to stay in their marriages then yes, this should be able to happen until either a) someone becomes unhappy with the situation or b) they get caught. Why, want to give it a go? Might want to take that offline But actually, I am wondering if such a solution is sustainable over a long period of time. For pure research purposes, mind you [cough, cough] I already called first dibs on @shynjdude -- get in line @lonelywife!
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Post by ihadalove on Feb 2, 2018 11:24:58 GMT -5
I would guess not sustainable, if you're getting everything you need outside the marriage then what are you getting within it? Probably just logistics; money, stability, etc.
I also wonder if a purely sexual thing would work, the chances of something else developing seems high.
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Post by ihadalove on Feb 2, 2018 11:25:46 GMT -5
Haha I think a fight will break out soon!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 11:27:32 GMT -5
Now, now ladies....there's plenty of me to go around. Speaking of which, I do need to lose some weight....
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Post by surfergirl on Feb 2, 2018 11:28:25 GMT -5
ihadaloveAh, no cat fight needed. I just meant that I was FIRST. She can go second (or at the same time).
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Post by surfergirl on Feb 2, 2018 11:29:49 GMT -5
I'm sorry. Have I derailed another thread? Are the admins going to kick me off?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 12:03:30 GMT -5
ihadalove Ah, no cat fight needed. I just meant that I was FIRST. She can go second (or at the same time). I'm trying to picture how that could work. And I think I'll keep trying to picture it all weekend. Who says ILIASM can't brighten one's day?
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Post by surfergirl on Feb 2, 2018 12:10:10 GMT -5
I think Lonely Wife needs to pony up a pic. Who's with me? Also, apparently, I need to re-do my other one. One of the forum members who recently met me says I'm skinnier in real life.
It's the WEEKEND!
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Post by Apocrypha on Feb 2, 2018 12:24:03 GMT -5
Which brings up another interesting question: has anyone successfully outsourced for sex and intimacy, while staying married, for any appreciable length of time? I would assume if both APs are happy with the status quo and both want to stay in their marriages then yes, this should be able to happen until either a) someone becomes unhappy with the situation or b) they get caught. Why, want to give it a go? I had both sex and intimacy with my paramour, MistressP, whom I eventually fell in love with. Our relationship lasted about a year and a half - which is actually longer than any post-marriage romantic entanglement I've had, by a wide margin.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 2, 2018 12:37:13 GMT -5
I think Lonely Wife needs to pony up a pic. Who's with me? Also, apparently, I need to re-do my other one. One of the forum members who recently met me says I'm skinnier in real life. surfergirl, I won't be posting lingerie-clad pictures of myself here. (Y'know, unless @shynjdude asks, LOL!! Kidding, kidding.) You and I do not approach this forum in the same way. But you do you, that's your prerogative and if it's working for you and making you feel good, that is great. I think we all (the refused in our marriages) have a need for validation that we all try to get filled in various ways. SM takes a major toll on us all.
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