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Post by surfergirl on Feb 1, 2018 16:10:36 GMT -5
brian Ah, that's what they say. I think it was just the naked pic.
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Post by h on Feb 1, 2018 16:24:47 GMT -5
xander You don't know what you just said. You have no idea what you just asked for...LOL This might be the first place I've ever been where the people throwing punches hit harder than me. So I'm staying. ...and you really made a splash when you got here surfergirl . π I bet quite a few guys here "made a splash..." when she got here.π
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 1, 2018 16:37:46 GMT -5
brian Ah, that's what they say. I think it was just the naked pic. Naked pic? What naked pic? Why wasn't I notified about this naked pic? I demand an apology from the admin for this service failure.
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Post by baza on Feb 1, 2018 18:00:28 GMT -5
xanderI'm no expert on cannibis addiction, but I've heard that it can trash ones sex drive. That might be something to think on. Not that *you* could do anything about that, that would be your missus job to address. Likewise her depression that you mentioned.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2018 18:16:15 GMT -5
If I missed this detail in the thread my apologies but when did sex take a nosedive? If it's recent and seems strictly tied to abortion/fear of pregnancy and her father's death then things could certainly be OK in the future.
However, if things were great for a couple of years and have been crap for six years then my answer would be, "no. welcome to your new normal". Will it get worse over time? Yes. Will I ever have the intimate sex life I wanted? No. Will I be able to read enough to unlock the mysteries of what happened? No.
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Post by footballbat on Feb 1, 2018 18:16:34 GMT -5
Solutions are possible, so I am told, but after 34 years of marriage I have found few. Sex in a marriage is tied to many other things. A lack of sex indicates there may be other issues hidden in her psyche. My guess would be to start by seeking answers to other things. Intimacy avoidant people can be tough nuts to crack so be prepared for a deep journey into relationship hell!
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Post by saarinista on Feb 1, 2018 18:41:34 GMT -5
xander I agree, this seems like one of the cases where the sex life might be resurrected. When my parents died, it was not a libido booster for sure, nor was it for my spouse when his passed. Also, the abortion might be messing with her mind and fears of another pregnancy and having to have another abortion--yeh. That could definitely play on the subconscious. But, act quickly, xander. Do NOT let his go on or you will get stuck in the no sex rut. If you are sure that you don't want more children, get the vasectomy. Also, I would suggest some marriage counseling, because those two big losses could be causing some grieving and grief is not a turn on, either, in my experience. At least not if it goes on for a long time. In your favor are the facts that you say you love your wife, you have children you love and I'm guessing you're not that old. But do not delay. I personally would get the wife's buy in to marriage counseling first, have a few talks and then if you're both okay with it, get the vasectomy. Not that you would, but don't just do it without her buy in first. Do not delay! Good luck and so sorry about the loss of your father/in law. That's tough.
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Post by h on Feb 1, 2018 19:47:10 GMT -5
brian Ah, that's what they say. I think it was just the naked pic. Naked pic? What naked pic? Why wasn't I notified about this naked pic? I demand an apology from the admin for this service failure. Page 12 of profile picture thread in the welcome folder.π
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Post by Admin on Feb 1, 2018 19:54:31 GMT -5
brian Ah, that's what they say. I think it was just the naked pic. Naked pic? What naked pic? Why wasn't I notified about this naked pic? I demand an apology from the admin for this service failure. Hey, I don't get paid nothin' for this job... One of the FEW perks I have is that all naked pix are routed to me first. No apology for you! Page 12 of profile picture thread in the welcome folder.π HUSH!!!
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xander
New Member
Posts: 8
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by xander on Feb 1, 2018 20:33:54 GMT -5
If I missed this detail in the thread my apologies but when did sex take a nosedive? If it's recent and seems strictly tied to abortion/fear of pregnancy and her father's death then things could certainly be OK in the future. However, if things were great for a couple of years and have been crap for six years then my answer would be, "no. welcome to your new normal". Will it get worse over time? Yes. Will I ever have the intimate sex life I wanted? No. Will I be able to read enough to unlock the mysteries of what happened? No. Unfortunately it was on a downward spiral well before the abortion and passing away. I do feel a bit pessimistic, but I'm going to try my damndest to make it work.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 1, 2018 21:07:50 GMT -5
Naked pic? What naked pic? Why wasn't I notified about this naked pic? I demand an apology from the admin for this service failure. Page 12 of profile picture thread in the welcome folder.π I am not sure which is more disturbing. That h knew exactly what page the picture is on or that I immediately went to view the picture and I now need a cold shower.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 1, 2018 23:31:19 GMT -5
One thing that picture reinforces in my mind is that what we look like does not matter to our refuser. I wanted a sexual relationship with my wife when she was supermodel thin, when she could not shed the fat from having kids, and when she finally got into shape again. In contrast, my wife did not want to have sex with me whether I was in the worst shape of my life or the best. What man on earth would not be attracted to a woman with a body like surfergirl 's pic? Unfortunately, the one who's indifference caused her to come here.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 2, 2018 5:53:36 GMT -5
Anybody turn it around? The issue we have in answering that question is being capable of giving an accurate answer. If anyone had turned it around, would they be on this forum? Doubtful. Maybe there are thousands of couples who have, maybe there are a few, maybe there are none.
Do I believe it is possible? Yes I think i do but if it remains a problem for long enough, your marriage will plummet in to a shithole marriage due to your resentment. Your resentment leads to an unwillingness to make effort in areas they define as important and then vice versa and before you know it, you donβt even like being around one another.
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Post by csl on Feb 2, 2018 9:28:02 GMT -5
"Anybody turn it around?"
It must be the time of year, 'cause this question has been asked a couple of times this month. I'll re-post my reply to surfergirl from last week:
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xander
New Member
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by xander on Feb 2, 2018 11:09:10 GMT -5
It's hardly surprising that "Can it be turned around?" is a commonly asked question on this board, especially for newbies.
The first thing they do (as I did) was to read some of the previous threads and quickly get the impression that any attempts at rekindling a love life within a marriage is almost a waste of time and they're destined for a frustrated existence unless they take the other two options open to them (cheat or leave).
So in desperation they reach out hoping for a sliver of hope.
Perhaps if you do create a sticky it needs to tread the narrow path between the 'truth' and not completely dashing the hopes of newcomers?
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