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Post by surfergirl on Feb 2, 2018 9:45:09 GMT -5
Dear brian 's son, I have a daughter the same age that hates my guts right now because I filed for divorce from her dad. I can understand how it feels like your dad is the cause and could STOP your family from blowing up if only..... One of the things that might seem hard for you to understand is that your dad is not just your dad, but he is a person, too. He has feelings and dreams and goals. And he loves you very, very much. He stayed and wrestled and agonized because of you. He supports your family because he loves you. And he STILL loves you. Try to go easy on him. It is the worst thing to happen to him, too. Thing is, your dad is just saying out loud that his marriage is broken. Talking to a lawyer did not break the marriage. Remember that. Love, Another mom
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Post by Dan on Feb 2, 2018 12:44:09 GMT -5
Dear brian 's son, I have a daughter the same age that hates my guts right now because I filed for divorce from her dad. I can understand how it feels like your dad is the cause and could STOP your family from blowing up if only..... One of the things that might seem hard for you to understand is that your dad is not just your dad, but he is a person, too. He has feelings and dreams and goals. And he loves you very, very much. He stayed and wrestled and agonized because of you. He supports your family because he loves you. And he STILL loves you. Try to go easy on him. It is the worst thing to happen to him, too. Thing is, your dad is just saying out loud that his marriage is broken. Talking to a lawyer did not break the marriage. Remember that. Love, Another mom This is awesome. surfergirl: I hope you can -- in your family -- find the delicacy and courage to say something like this to your daughters someday, too.
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Post by saarinista on Feb 2, 2018 17:35:26 GMT -5
Yes surfergirl, I like your explanation as well . I personally feel children owe their parents a debt of understanding (except in the most egregious cases of abuse) as part of being a grown up is realizing that parents are people, too. Sadly, some kids, even grown up ones like my husband's 40 something kid, can't pay that debt. And that's sad for everyone.
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A big step?
Feb 3, 2018 0:02:19 GMT -5
via mobile
h likes this
Post by ihadalove on Feb 3, 2018 0:02:19 GMT -5
I'm not sure many kids of divorcees would say "I'm so glad my parents stayed together and miserable until I was 18, I didn't notice any problems and it seemed like a perfect family!"
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Post by baza on Feb 3, 2018 0:09:24 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of this development Brother brian. Looks like now, you crash through or crash. For any newbies - what you might take out of this is that getting your legal advice etc as early as possible and thus being prepared to at least some extent, has a fair bit going for it.
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Post by saarinista on Feb 3, 2018 2:00:58 GMT -5
Also, keep an ironclad password and security on your online stuff. Especially if you have tech savvy kids. Grr. That's so wrong of your son, brian . It's none of his business. I certainly home his mom didn't ask him to spy on you. If so, that's even worse. Hang in there. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
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Post by brian on Feb 3, 2018 12:02:17 GMT -5
A brief update... there was an accident on the highway ahead of me during my commute to see the lawyer. Traffic was stopped for over an hour and I was stuck where I was. I never made it to my appointment. Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I invited roomie to the forum to read, and she did. I’m not sure if she registered and saw everything, especially the post where I said, “I don’t want a divorce, but I can’t keep living like this.” Her reading may have even upped her resolve to have me leave. If you read your partner’s raw and unfiltered thoughts and feelings and simply don’t like that person, at least you learned something. I spent last night out of the house, unintentionally, but am back now. I had a previously scheduled “drinking after work” get together and ended up drinking more than I should have. Frigid is a good word to describe the mood towards me. I bet this is similar to what surfergirl experienced. Maybe this will result in some healtfelt and permanent changes that save the marriage (kind of like a swift blow to the gut to wake people up), or maybe we part ways. I’m hoping for the former, as it will be better (I think) for the family, but things have to change. And I know I will ned to make some changes too, regardless of the determined path.
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