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Post by Carol on Jan 29, 2018 11:48:43 GMT -5
Today, I took what I consider a big step. I set up a consultation with a lawyer to see how a divorced would pan out for me. Nervous but glad I did it. I need some advice on what questions I should ask. Any thoughts out there?
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Post by h on Jan 29, 2018 12:09:00 GMT -5
Off the top of my head:
How the length of your marriage will affect the division of assets.
Average cost of legal fees for a divorce start to finish. (Including a high estimate in case things don't go smoothly)
What you are allowed to do with money once the paperwork is filed.
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 29, 2018 13:42:33 GMT -5
How long will the process take?
What things should you definitely do right now?
What things should you definitely NOT do right now?
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 29, 2018 14:33:45 GMT -5
If you haven't already- open a checking account in your own name and if you are able have your paycheck deposited in that account before you file.
Once you file, you can not change financial matters.
Ask about the cost and difference between a contested and uncontested divorce.
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Post by Dan on Jan 29, 2018 15:49:05 GMT -5
If you haven't already... For anyone whose spouse might be vindictive and start trying to spy on them (upon hearing of an impending divorce), you might also want to get a cell phone IN YOUR OWN NAME. (And, iPhone users: get an AppleID separate from your family one, if your spouse controls the family settings.) The owner of an the cell phone account can get VERY nosy about your calling (seeing numbers you've called), possibly seeing txt messages, and possibly installing tracking software on your smartphone without your permission or knowledge. Likewise: lock down your laptop. Does this info need a separate thread?
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Post by Dan on Jan 29, 2018 15:54:51 GMT -5
Today, I took what I consider a big step. I set up a consultation with a lawyer to see how a divorced would pan out for me. Nervous but glad I did it. I need some advice on what questions I should ask. Any thoughts out there? I'd suggest not the questions you should ask, but the data you should GO THERE with: In round numbers: - your salary, his salary - your age, his age; kids' ages - rough estimate of each of your retirement savings - rough estimate of your house value and remaining mortgage balance - list of any other substantial debts or assets that either of you have. - extenuating circumstances, such as children with special needs that carry a notable financial cost, one of you are not US citizens, etc. My thinking his: he/she is probably going to ask you all this. If you go with it already tabulated, it will a) save time of you "thinking about it" on the fly during the meeting, and b) allow him/her to give you more informed initial advice (rather than you "getting back to him/her later" with the info), c) allow more time to be spent on your actual questions. Going through this process also forces you to make sure: do I know all of his retirement/401k/pension balances? Do I have access to all the joint bank records that I need? And so on.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 29, 2018 18:02:03 GMT -5
Today, I took what I consider a big step. I set up a consultation with a lawyer to see how a divorced would pan out for me. Nervous but glad I did it. I need some advice on what questions I should ask. Any thoughts out there? I think the most important question to ask is whether the lawyer has a time machine so you can go back and say “get off your knee you idiot. It’s a no!”
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Post by brian on Jan 29, 2018 18:29:59 GMT -5
Today, I took what I consider a big step. I set up a consultation with a lawyer to see how a divorced would pan out for me. Nervous but glad I did it. I need some advice on what questions I should ask. Any thoughts out there? Me too! And the stress sucks. I don’t want to get a divorce, but I can’t continue living like this.
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Post by baza on Jan 29, 2018 18:38:36 GMT -5
Take your past couple of years tax returns with you to the lawyers Sister Carol .
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 29, 2018 19:00:44 GMT -5
You probably would like to walk away with specific numbers, not just vague generalizations. Bring your data with you and ask. Start with finding out what the retainer fee is? Then clarify what their hourly fee is. (you will be charged by the minute for every phone call and email) Ask what is the average amount of time is for a divorce. Ask what their percentage of cases are resolved through mediation? ( ask if your attorney is also a licensed mediator. That's a plus) Ask for them to recommend an attorney who they work well with for your H. Ask if they work with an accountant or recommend one? How much is average child support each month? (there are charts and tables for that) Ask about "what's your idea of a parenting plan? One week on, one week off? See if they are familiar with parallel parenting verses co-parenting. Who will pay alimony? How much? percentages? For how long? Are there alternatives to alimony? Like bargaining a larger lump sum. (take into account that child support ends. and alimony can change with yours or his change of income.) Ask about dividing 401k IRA's retirement. Clarify whose names the deed is in. Ask what this will do to your taxes? Clarify who is responsible for debts, loans, mortgages,vehicles, insurance. Bring a zillow price estimate of any real estate you own. Do you have your own health insurance? Add that into the equation.
Take notes and be prepared for a sales pitch.
I found that going to multiple attorneys was helpful. After the first one or two you can call and say, " I've seen other attorneys and have a pretty good idea of what can happen , however I have specific questions. May I meet with you?" and go from there.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 29, 2018 19:43:45 GMT -5
Definitely go to a few attorneys and look for an attorney that has a little bit of a fight in him. For example: when I had my free consult, the attorney I chose, was playing devil's advocate with me and showed some aggression. When I asked him about receiving alimony, his answer was, "well if I'm your husband's attorney I'm going to show why you don't need it". He was very feisty. When I retained him he got even more aggressive. When my H was served it said I was suing him for everything, taking everything including his car, and he was getting all the debt. My ex was very cooperative, we came to an agreement together in less than a week, very fair equitable agreement. He even helped me pack. When I signed the divorce papers my attorney asked me, "remind me why we didn't go after alimony?" He was agressive. I was agressive too. I told the attorney that all he was getting was the $3000 I gave him up front and not a penny more. I told him I will agree to my ex getting half of what he is entitled too but it didn't matter we came to terms on our own.
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Post by baza on Jan 29, 2018 20:01:31 GMT -5
There's the thing, in Sister bballgirl 's post above - "it didn't matter we came to terms on our own." In my (no fault) jurisdicton, 20% of divorces end up having to be sorted out by a judge. That means that 80% of divorces are negotiated outside the court system by the spouses and their legal counsel - within the guidelines of the law. So a pretty handy guideline in respect to legal representation is this - If your spouse is a turd who is going to take it to court, you need a lawyer who knows the law and has a fair amount of mongrel in them. If your spouse is a half reasonable human being, then you'll need a lawyer who knows the law and is a good negotiator.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 29, 2018 20:08:05 GMT -5
You can also go on the internet and just google Questions to ask a Divorce Lawyer
Depending on who has the most asset or how they are characterized you may be ask what you want to do about them. For instance my X and I had separate IRA's. Hers had appreciated a good deal more than mine during the marriage so I was entitled to a few grand if I wanted it. I choose to let it go for the sake of maintaining good relations in the future. The same with tax refund money deposited in her checking from our joint tax returns.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 29, 2018 20:13:08 GMT -5
If your spouse is a turd who is going to take it to court, you need a lawyer who knows the law and has a fair amount of mongrel in them. If your spouse is a half reasonable human being, then you'll need a lawyer who knows the law and is a good negotiator. Hopefully you get the best of both in your attorney. I went into my divorce assuming all I needed was a good negotiator ,I found one. However, my controlling W. rejected "negotiations" when her attorney spelled out reality for her. She fired her attorney. Now I get to see the "mongrel " in my own attorney.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 29, 2018 20:29:18 GMT -5
Today, I took what I consider a big step. I set up a consultation with a lawyer to see how a divorced would pan out for me. Nervous but glad I did it. I need some advice on what questions I should ask. Any thoughts out there? Scary call isn't it? I hung up twice before I actually scheduled an appointment. Many more big steps lay ahead on what will be one of the hardest roads you ever walk. But one side benefit from my divorce is that "impossibly hard things" to do get easier with practice. As a result I have no problems with conversations that used to paralyze me. Good luck and congrats on a huge step.
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