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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 21, 2017 7:40:19 GMT -5
Well, i don't know if that was reset sex last night, but if it is, I will gladly be reset.
We had one of the most emotionally filled and expressive times I have every had with her. The oddest thing was me having to instruct a 30 something on how to kiss. I could see the emotions on her face but her lips felt like the normal kisses, so, I told her your suppose to convey your feelings out what you want me to feel thru your lips. She huffed a little and tried it, and amazingly she could do it.
It was also one of the only times where the arrosal process wasn't rushed. Normally I get the almost painful feeling as she is rushing thru sex, but this time we were able to go slow and allow the process to naturally happen.
The sex was very good for both of us. After words we talked and cuddled. The interesting part is she said kissing like that is intimidating, but she couldn't explain why. I'm thinking she doesn't like it because to kiss like that, you have to feel and let your emotions take over and she's afraid is losing control.
I know she will complain, but I'm going to move the goal post, I need this type of sex! This is the quality over quantity sex. I need this type often.
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Post by h on Oct 21, 2017 16:20:38 GMT -5
That's awesome! Congratulations and I hope it continues.
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Post by M2G on Oct 21, 2017 17:56:59 GMT -5
That's awesome hopingforchange - I have fingers crossed for you that this will lead to better days.
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My story
Oct 21, 2017 18:18:12 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by aguywithneeds on Oct 21, 2017 18:18:12 GMT -5
A big thing for women is insecurities. Saying that kissing like that is intimidating is a sign that other things maybe uncomfortable for her as well. A lot of women are very insecure about intamacy and their genitals. Positive reinforcement as well as assurance that she doesn't have to feel that way with you would be a goal if you plan on sticking around. Conditioning a woman to let go is hard, but if you start initiating conversations that aren't about doing the deed, but rather why we're not, and not accepting excuses like headache or upset stomach, really prying at what insecurities she may have. Footnote I didn't read the whole thread so if this has been covered my bad.
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My story
Oct 21, 2017 18:21:30 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by aguywithneeds on Oct 21, 2017 18:21:30 GMT -5
The sex diaries by Bettina Arndt helpful reading material.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 21, 2017 21:37:23 GMT -5
I suspect if you have started working again, there is a large discrepancy in income levels, which in MD would be grounds for maintaining your standard of living or to allow time to rehabilitate your employment opportunities. I am glad the W kept working when we had our children. It looks like there is only a 30K income difference between us now. I might hold off pursuing the next step in the career ladder until I know how this is going to shake out, because it would allow her to get her next pay step increase closing the gap slightly. Further reducing the changes of paying alimony. I am a fan of child support to. I think I will pay enough so that the kids can keep living in the family house, to help maintain the stability, and just require my share when the house is sold. The "keep the kids in the family house" is a tricky needle to thread. Unless it is 100% paid off, you will be paying mortgage, taxes, etc... on the house which may make it almost impossible to establish your own residence. Six months ago, my kids lived in a 4100 square foot house on almost a half acre with a 37,500 gallon pool and a 10 foot x 10 foot hot tub. There was a media room, game room, detached garage with a ping pong table, darts. They had airsoft wars in the back yard and the dog loved the huge yard. Today, mom has a 2500 square foot house and I rent a 3800 square foot house. They spend the majority of their time at Mom's, and don't seem worse for wear. I think the main thing is not so much "things" and disruption, but how well you and your wife continue to act as a "team" and are civil. My daughter's birthday is in two weeks. I was asking her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go out to dinner with friends, her boyfriend, and both mom and I. I checked with my ex and she was fine with this. We probably won't spend much time talking over dinner (not much to talk about anymore), but it is something my daughter wants and something she seemed insistent that she needs. So my ex and I will have dinner with our daughter. Recognize what your kids needs are and you may find that it isn't the family home. They see what is going on with you and your wife. They might not want to live there after the family is dissolved. So, where I'm at, before if the high amount of military and other transit families, we have crazy rental rates where renting even a small 2 bedroom apparent costs more then paying the mortgage on a slightly below average price house. (Not a mc mansion or on 10+ acers) So, for the W it would be cheaper to stay in the house then to sell it and rent. And our oldest has some issues and bring able to keep the same bedroom and neighbors would be a big help for him. I would move back in with my parents for a few months until I could rent someone's basement. As your can tell, one night of finally good sex, is not enough to turn the ship around.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 23, 2017 8:11:54 GMT -5
Well, I've had an emotional weekend. I was still riding the emotional high from Friday nights sex all day Saturday. Saturday started out with the W taking the new kitten to the vets and she had gone in for an underarm waxing and the person had enough time for everything else. During the day she was nice to me and kissing and hugging me. Seeing as sex was off the table from the recovery from the waxing Saturday night, I was going to be a nice H and give her a massage. I had gotten everything ready while she was tucking the kids into bed, but when she came back she some how was having issues with her allergies from taking the cat to the vet. She hadn't said a word about her allergies all day and mysteriously she let them be known just as she walked into the room and saw a lit candle and said she was to tired.
I was left feeling very very rejected and slept back on the edge of the bed again, slept horrible that night, and was confirmed by texting with someone that night.
Sunday she saw I was not my normal self and was making attempts to hold my hand, tuck and kiss me. TBH, I didn't want her to touch me, my skin curled with every touch. I could tell she knew something was up, so I had to hide it, I sat to force me self to touch her. Which made me feel even worse.
When she got ready for bed, I could tell she was going to try for something, she was wearing a night gown, which in the past she would only wear when sex was an option that night.
We talked some last night and I wanted to say no, but I was weak the moment she kissed me and touched me, I gave in. I was so weak last night, I didn't feel loved but couldn't bring my self to say no. Here I am congratulating and encouraging fellow brothers and sisters to stand up and respect thier feelings yet I couldn't last night. My emotions were so raw and I was so worn down from being around her the whole weekend, that I went along with it. It felt so good at the time but after, it...it...it made me want to craw back inside my little box.
And then around 3 am she accidently woke me up when she went to the bathroom, I needed touch, so when she came back and was sitting up in bed, I wrapped myself around her. The whole time thinking why am I going to her, she has caused so much pain, yet here I am still going to her, I should be stronger then this, I should have stayed on my side of the bed and pretended to sleep.
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Post by h on Oct 23, 2017 10:23:51 GMT -5
Isn't it ironic that even when they reject us, we're still supposed to be ready to go and in the mood whenever they want? We're supposed to be sensitive to their emotional needs but when the table is turned, our emotional needs count for precisely squat. Double standards are wonderful, aren't they?
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My story
Oct 23, 2017 10:27:16 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by ironhamster on Oct 23, 2017 10:27:16 GMT -5
Don't feel bad. Reset sex happens because it is effective. Sometimes. In my experience, it will dry up and blow away within a month.
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Post by h on Oct 23, 2017 10:29:45 GMT -5
Don't feel bad. Reset sex happens because it is effective. Sometimes. In my experience, it will dry up and blow away within a month. In my experience, about 2 weeks or less.
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My story
Oct 23, 2017 10:33:40 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by ironhamster on Oct 23, 2017 10:33:40 GMT -5
Don't feel bad. Reset sex happens because it is effective. Sometimes. In my experience, it will dry up and blow away within a month. In my experience, about 2 weeks or less. Most of ours are one and done. After I was outed for an attempted affair, we had one episode of hysterical bonding reset sex, and three more less interesting episodes over the next three weeks. Then, nothing, again. If a wake up call like that has that small of a response...
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 23, 2017 10:36:32 GMT -5
Don't feel bad. Reset sex happens because it is effective. Sometimes. In my experience, it will dry up and blow away within a month. In my experience, about 2 weeks or less. Who really knows? In their mind they think they are good for another year! Only with my experience I had been so starved for 14 yrs, that I wanted it again in 24 hrs. Then came deal breakers and pivot points. Devastating comments. A real eye opener!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 11:01:27 GMT -5
In my experience, about 2 weeks or less. Who really knows? In their mind they think they are good for another year! Only with my experience I had been so starved for 14 yrs, that I wanted it again in 24 hrs. Then came deal breakers and pivot points. Devastating comments. A real eye opener! This is my experience as well. You know it's truly an intimacy and libido gap issue when one night of great sex means they are set now for a year (or 5) and you thought it was a change in the relationship. It's not a change.
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Post by brian on Oct 23, 2017 16:24:17 GMT -5
Isn't it ironic that even when they reject us, we're still supposed to be ready to go and in the mood whenever they want? We're supposed to be sensitive to their emotional needs but when the table is turned, our emotional needs count for precisely squat. Double standards are wonderful, aren't they? I’m always ready to go. Maybe that’s my curse. But the years of rejection caused a change in me last year that has resulted in me being in the mood with others too. I’ve been starved for so long, I’ll eat at just about anybody’s table. That’s a place that was unfathomable 3 years ago.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 23, 2017 18:30:22 GMT -5
brian, for years I was ready to go at get beckon call. I've been fighting that lately, if she doesn't want to put the work in so that I feel loved, why should I help her when she gets the slightest sex itch maybe every other week for hey.
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