Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 29, 2017 16:19:02 GMT -5
1. Does this sound like a person who has PTSD from being "raped"? 2. Then she has a 2 yr affair with a masseuse? 3. What is your opinion on this? 4. Was she really raped by this guy? 5. Did I really rape her when she let me do it but I didn't stop when she said it hurt? 6. Is she really suffering from PTSD from this incident? 7. Why didn't she ever say he raped her before? 8. Why is she bringing this incident up after 20 yrs? 9. She even had the balls to say that maybe she had the affair as punishment for what I did to her? First of all, please break up your posts with paragraphs. It will make it much easier to read. 1. No, this is not the behavior of a PTSD sufferer. 2. The affair with the massage guy is another way she showed her selfishness. 3. My opinion is that no matter what her problem is, you need to get away from her asap. 4. I seriously doubt she was raped by this guy. I think she is just saying this to try to get sympathy from you. 5. I would never prosecute a case like that. I have seen people who did, and they got a not guilty in less than ten minutes. 6. I don't thinks she is suffering from PTSD at all. 7. Because it is a way to try to appear as a traumatized victim. 8. She is bringing it up now because she will not take responsibility for anything and wants you to take it all and feel guilty. 9. She said this because she wants you to take the blame for everything so you will continue to let her abuse you and take advantage. I am going to tell you as many times as you need to read it until you understand it. Until you stop asking why she acts this way, and start asking why you are accepting this treatment, things will not change. Whatever her reasons are, her behavior is abusive. The only reason she can continue to abuse you is because you allow it. How much longer are you going to allow it? You don't deserve it.
|
|
|
Post by sdiamond1026 on May 29, 2017 16:46:00 GMT -5
1. Does this sound like a person who has PTSD from being "raped"? 2. Then she has a 2 yr affair with a masseuse? 3. What is your opinion on this? 4. Was she really raped by this guy? 5. Did I really rape her when she let me do it but I didn't stop when she said it hurt? 6. Is she really suffering from PTSD from this incident? 7. Why didn't she ever say he raped her before? 8. Why is she bringing this incident up after 20 yrs? 9. She even had the balls to say that maybe she had the affair as punishment for what I did to her? First of all, please break up your posts with paragraphs. It will make it much easier to read. 1. No, this is not the behavior of a PTSD sufferer. 2. The affair with the massage guy is another way she showed her selfishness. 3. My opinion is that no matter what her problem is, you need to get away from her asap. 4. I seriously doubt she was raped by this guy. I think she is just saying this to try to get sympathy from you. 5. I would never prosecute a case like that. I have seen people who did, and they got a not guilty in less than ten minutes. 6. I don't thinks she is suffering from PTSD at all. 7. Because it is a way to try to appear as a traumatized victim. 8. She is bringing it up now because she will not take responsibility for anything and wants you to take it all and feel guilty. 9. She said this because she wants you to take the blame for everything so you will continue to let her abuse you and take advantage. I am going to tell you as many times as you need to read it until you understand it. Until you stop asking why she acts this way, you need to ask why you are accepting this treatment. Whatever her reasons are, her behavior is abusive. The only reason she can continue to abuse you is because you allow it. How much longer are you going to allow it? You don't deserve it. Thanks for your response man. I appreciate it. Funny, I am the IT Director for a State Attorney's Office, so kind of cool to see that you are a prosecutor as I am intermingled in the same setting.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on May 29, 2017 16:51:05 GMT -5
1. Does this sound like a person who has PTSD from being "raped"? 2. Then she has a 2 yr affair with a masseuse? 3. What is your opinion on this? 4. Was she really raped by this guy? 5. Did I really rape her when she let me do it but I didn't stop when she said it hurt? 6. Is she really suffering from PTSD from this incident? 7. Why didn't she ever say he raped her before? 8. Why is she bringing this incident up after 20 yrs? 9. She even had the balls to say that maybe she had the affair as punishment for what I did to her? First of all, please break up your posts with paragraphs. It will make it much easier to read. 1. No, this is not the behavior of a PTSD sufferer. 2. The affair with the massage guy is another way she showed her selfishness. 3. My opinion is that no matter what her problem is, you need to get away from her asap. 4. I seriously doubt she was raped by this guy. I think she is just saying this to try to get sympathy from you. 5. I would never prosecute a case like that. I have seen people who did, and they got a not guilty in less than ten minutes. 6. I don't thinks she is suffering from PTSD at all. 7. Because it is a way to try to appear as a traumatized victim. 8. She is bringing it up now because she will not take responsibility for anything and wants you to take it all and feel guilty. 9. She said this because she wants you to take the blame for everything so you will continue to let her abuse you and take advantage. I am going to tell you as many times as you need to read it until you understand it. Until you stop asking why she acts this way, you need to ask why you are accepting this treatment. Whatever her reasons are, her behavior is abusive. The only reason she can continue to abuse you is because you allow it. How much longer are you going to allow it? You don't deserve it. Sounds like our friend, sdiamond1026, needs a strong dose of shrink4men.com.
|
|
|
Post by lyn on May 29, 2017 17:43:03 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by lyn on May 29, 2017 17:50:06 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by sdiamond1026 on May 29, 2017 18:02:47 GMT -5
First of all, please break up your posts with paragraphs. It will make it much easier to read. 1. No, this is not the behavior of a PTSD sufferer. 2. The affair with the massage guy is another way she showed her selfishness. 3. My opinion is that no matter what her problem is, you need to get away from her asap. 4. I seriously doubt she was raped by this guy. I think she is just saying this to try to get sympathy from you. 5. I would never prosecute a case like that. I have seen people who did, and they got a not guilty in less than ten minutes. 6. I don't thinks she is suffering from PTSD at all. 7. Because it is a way to try to appear as a traumatized victim. 8. She is bringing it up now because she will not take responsibility for anything and wants you to take it all and feel guilty. 9. She said this because she wants you to take the blame for everything so you will continue to let her abuse you and take advantage. I am going to tell you as many times as you need to read it until you understand it. Until you stop asking why she acts this way, you need to ask why you are accepting this treatment. Whatever her reasons are, her behavior is abusive. The only reason she can continue to abuse you is because you allow it. How much longer are you going to allow it? You don't deserve it. Sounds like our friend, sdiamond1026, needs a strong dose of shrink4men.com. My friend has sent me to this site and yes, it's a good site and a lot of what I deal with is addressed.
|
|
|
Post by sdiamond1026 on May 29, 2017 18:17:03 GMT -5
Wow, when I read this article It sounds like me. I allow my wife to be the abuser and she does most all of what this says.
|
|
|
Post by lyn on May 29, 2017 18:23:34 GMT -5
Wow, when I read this article It sounds like me. I allow my wife to be the abuser and she does most all of what this says. I thought you might relate. A lot of us here certainly do! Realistically, we can ONLY help ourselves in this situation. Nothing you do or say will ever make what she does or says OK. One day, you'll wake up and realize you've had enough. I'm so sorry she's treated you this way for so long. Long enough that it begins to seem "normal" to you. This, my dear, is what they do.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on May 29, 2017 19:39:10 GMT -5
My friend says it won't end until I'm leaving in handcuffs when she calls the cops and says I hit or raped her. I don't think she would do this because she knows I would lose my job and she needs my money whether I'm with her or divorced. Your wife is playing roulette with the nuclear launch button. She's hardly trustworthy to do the rational thing here. Listen to your friend; he's in a far more objective position than you are. And, you're close enough to the process to realize the living hell that will ensue if charges are filed. Even if conviction isn't a real danger, it can still cost you a small fortune in legal fees and stain you for years to come, professionally and personally.
|
|
|
Post by sdiamond1026 on May 29, 2017 20:09:36 GMT -5
Wow, when I read this article It sounds like me. I allow my wife to be the abuser and she does most all of what this says. I thought you might relate. A lot of us here certainly do! Realistically, we can ONLY help ourselves in this situation. Nothing you do or say will ever make what she does or says OK. One day, you'll wake up and realize you've had enough. I'm so sorry she's treated you this way for so long. Long enough that it begins to seem "normal" to you. This, my dear, is what they do. I am gonna start living day to day and stop trying to plan my future with her. I'm gonna go do more things that I want to do by myself and have fun and not include her if she doesn't want to be a loving intimate partner. Maybe I'll find someone else along the way that looks like a better deal and it would steer me in the direction of getting rid of her, who knows. Or maybe when my wife sees me coming home later and doing things by myself and with friends, she will realize that I'm distancing myself. Maybe that will snap her out of it and make her realize what she has. I'm gonna stop worrying and begging for sex and asking her how we are doing and how she feels. I'll assume she feels the same way and is mental as always. That way I don't have to wonder and ask. I'll assume she isn't on board until she proves me otherwise or until I have had enough or met someone else, whichever comes first. Her problems are causing me stress and have caused probably a quarter of my hair to fall out in a year. I won't have any left soon if this continues. I'll start going to the gym every day instead of 3 days a week. The less I am here, the better for my health I think.
|
|
|
Post by sdiamond1026 on May 29, 2017 20:10:46 GMT -5
My friend says it won't end until I'm leaving in handcuffs when she calls the cops and says I hit or raped her. I don't think she would do this because she knows I would lose my job and she needs my money whether I'm with her or divorced. Your wife is playing roulette with the nuclear launch button. She's hardly trustworthy to do the rational thing here. Listen to your friend; he's in a far more objective position than you are. And, you're close enough to the process to realize the living hell that will ensue if charges are filed. Even if conviction isn't a real danger, it can still cost you a small fortune in legal fees and stain you for years to come, professionally and personally. I'm gonna make myself scarce and do my own thing and not give her the power. That's my new strategy.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on May 30, 2017 8:42:38 GMT -5
Your wife is playing roulette with the nuclear launch button. She's hardly trustworthy to do the rational thing here. Listen to your friend; he's in a far more objective position than you are. And, you're close enough to the process to realize the living hell that will ensue if charges are filed. Even if conviction isn't a real danger, it can still cost you a small fortune in legal fees and stain you for years to come, professionally and personally. I'm gonna make myself scarce and do my own thing and not give her the power. That's my new strategy. I'm not certain you are grasping the scale of what you are dealing with. I can see by your responses to your friends and to what the people here are trying to tell you that the picture everyone is painting here doesn't seem to be getting across to you. Does "making yourself scarce" mean leaving her? I get the sense that the most you are feeling here is a bit of validation in how mistreated you feel, perhaps as fuel to take back to her, rather than to remove yourself from this powder keg. Do not expect the situation to remain static as your own avoidance behavior escalates. I have a friend who spent a night in jail after his wife with Borderline disorder flipped on him and called the cops when he went to leave. Your wife cheats on you all the time, is not attracted to you (and how the hell do you "try" to be attracted to someone?), blames you for her cheating, pays for sex with your money, and has accused you of rape. I've seen a lot of shit shows on here, and I include myself as one of them - but this one is a DEFCON 1. @sddiamond, this doesn't have a happy ending, this one. So choose your poison. Does this end, like your friend says, with you in cuffs in the back seat of a car, losing your kids, and having to explain your past on a first date with someone 6 years from now? This is a radioactive situation - whether or not you love her. Just because you love her, it doesn't mean you should be MARRIED to this woman. I've read thousands of these stories on here, but this is one of the ones that I'm watching with my hands covering my face, like a horror show, shouting with futility at a movie screen as the protagonist goes into the basement of the haunted house.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on May 30, 2017 8:57:17 GMT -5
We still have good times in the middle of her telling me she doesn't feel it for me sexually, (But is trying). We do have 2 kids and I worry about breaking apart the family. I know people always says it's better for the kids to not be around this kind of stuff but we don't argue around them and we still hug and kiss, hold hands, etc around the kids so they see positive stuff. They don't know anything about what happened. My friend says it won't end until I'm leaving in handcuffs when she calls the cops and says I hit or raped her. I don't think she would do this because she knows I would lose my job and she needs my money whether I'm with her or divorced. I will ask the question again because you didn't answer it; instead you said how you feel about it and tried to minimize the danger you are in. What would it take for you to leave? Note that in minimizing the danger, you said "I don't think she would do this (call cops to say you hit her or charge you with rape) because she knows I would lose my job and she needs my money" Read that again. You are making a guess on this? From someone who is your wife? I've bailed on a fourth date when I found someone who, from her backstory, seemed inclined toward such behavior. And this is your WIFE. What happens if you lose your job, as happens to many people. Can I ask you something? I'm not making fun of you or trying to make you seem foolish -- There is something in the kink world called cuckolding - it's a subset of humiliation-based BDSM in which a person eroticizes the public humiliation of being cuckolded. Sometimes they enjoy being enlisted in their own humiliation by telling their story of how their wives bed other men (often in front of them), beat them up, or serve them and assist in their coupling in various ways that exaggerate their "forced servitude". Your story and the way you tell it has a whiff of the kind of feigned resignation that fits with this kind of exaggerated scenario. Is there an element of living like this that you find gratifying and that is substituting for your own direct participation in sex? If your wife told you that she is taking another partner, how would you feel about that? Honestly?
|
|
|
Post by sdiamond1026 on May 30, 2017 16:14:49 GMT -5
We still have good times in the middle of her telling me she doesn't feel it for me sexually, (But is trying). We do have 2 kids and I worry about breaking apart the family. I know people always says it's better for the kids to not be around this kind of stuff but we don't argue around them and we still hug and kiss, hold hands, etc around the kids so they see positive stuff. They don't know anything about what happened. My friend says it won't end until I'm leaving in handcuffs when she calls the cops and says I hit or raped her. I don't think she would do this because she knows I would lose my job and she needs my money whether I'm with her or divorced. I will ask the question again because you didn't answer it; instead you said how you feel about it and tried to minimize the danger you are in. What would it take for you to leave? Note that in minimizing the danger, you said "I don't think she would do this (call cops to say you hit her or charge you with rape) because she knows I would lose my job and she needs my money" Read that again. You are making a guess on this? From someone who is your wife? I've bailed on a fourth date when I found someone who, from her backstory, seemed inclined toward such behavior. And this is your WIFE. What happens if you lose your job, as happens to many people. Can I ask you something? I'm not making fun of you or trying to make you seem foolish -- There is something in the kink world called cuckolding - it's a subset of humiliation-based BDSM in which a person eroticizes the public humiliation of being cuckolded. Sometimes they enjoy being enlisted in their own humiliation by telling their story of how their wives bed other men (often in front of them), beat them up, or serve them and assist in their coupling in various ways that exaggerate their "forced servitude". Your story and the way you tell it has a whiff of the kind of feigned resignation that fits with this kind of exaggerated scenario. Is there an element of living like this that you find gratifying and that is substituting for your own direct participation in sex? If your wife told you that she is taking another partner, how would you feel about that? Honestly? Now, you are definitely misinterpreting me when it comes to this if you think I enjoy this shit. No way in hell do I or would I like her being with anyone else. I was devastated when she cheated. I am still sick over that and the thoughts still plague me daily and cause me anxiety. That's the most painful thing I've ever dealt with. She suggested a swing years before she cheated and I said, he'll no, I'm not into that. So her being with someone was always my worst fear since she cheated years ago and I got a taste of how bad it hurt.
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on May 30, 2017 18:27:36 GMT -5
So, you distance yourself from her and she gets exactly the marriage she wants - you as the ATM with no sex involved. She cheated before and now exhibits behaviors that say she is likely to do it again. She wants sex - just not with you. No one here thinks you enjoy your particular shithole. But you are the only one who can get yourself out of it. You cannot change her - you can only control you. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace.
|
|