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Post by Copernicus on Apr 10, 2017 11:44:30 GMT -5
EO, there aren't words sufficient enough for this crime. However, it is a CRIME. Please take whatever action you need to do to stay safe. Your safety is the primary concern. Abusers do not stop! I think you are right. They pause long enough to make you think it's ok then BAM. I'm tired of this now. Xx That is exactly what they do! And they will manipulate everything to make you think that: 1. This is actually YOUR fault. You made him do this 2. If you just say/do/wear/look..... then he'll be ok None of this is on you. He is the abuser and you are the victim! I've had friends in this situation before and it's all about manipulation and control. If you stay in this abusive relationship, the violence will only escalate. Please EO, you have to go talk with someone who can actually do something NOW on your behalf - restraining order, whatever... You are worth so much more than this!!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 10, 2017 11:45:39 GMT -5
Thanks GG. The only conclusion I can come to is that I'm actually a bit thick. I would be giving the exact same words of advice to someone too. Somehow though I just can't get my head around it for myself. Annoying isn't it! Xxx EO - I wouldn't agree that you're thick. My theory is that you've been emotionally abused into complacency. You are accepting intolerable treatment as if this is normal. It is decidedly not normal for him to act this way to someone who pays for his care & feeding & who he rips off every time he spends cash on pot or blow. I do not think you are thick. I think you've been (metaphorically) beaten into submission. My worry is that coke may help make that no longer only metaphorical. Please at least talk to someone close or think deeply about - IF you needed a place to stay on short notice, where could you go if you had to? I hope it will never be needed, but it sure sounds like that last event was close to coming to physical violence (& really, coerced sex IS rape & rape is never about sex, it's always about power) I know. You are right GG. I have to grow a set. I've got my Mum and my best friend both very close by. Part of my own problem is not wanting to be a burden. Not wanting to ask for help. You know? But it's not getting me very far at all is it! Xx
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 10, 2017 11:49:40 GMT -5
"That'll be his next trick! Or suicide threats I wouldn't wonder" - It's all part of the manipulation. See it for what it is: an empty threat.
"I have to grow a set" - No you don't. This is not about being brave or courageous. It's about recognizing your self-worth. You are worth more than this!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 10, 2017 11:51:39 GMT -5
"That'll be his next trick! Or suicide threats I wouldn't wonder" - It's all part of the manipulation. See it for what it is: an empty threat. The worst and saddest part is that actually... if he did end his own life, that would be the easiest way for me to begin mine.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 10, 2017 11:55:20 GMT -5
I think you are right. They pause long enough to make you think it's ok then BAM. I'm tired of this now. Xx That is exactly what they do! And they will manipulate everything to make you think that: 1. This is actually YOUR fault. You made him do this 2. If you just say/do/wear/look..... then he'll be ok None of this is on you. He is the abuser and you are the victim! I've had friends in this situation before and it's all about manipulation and control. If you stay in this abusive relationship, the violence will only escalate. Please EO, you have to go talk with someone who can actually do something NOW on your behalf - restraining order, whatever... You are worth so much more than this!!It's stupid. But I don't feel like I could report him or anything like that. Unless he absolutely battered me or hurt the kids, I would feel like a time waster. Even reading my own words I think "God. These people must think I'm so stuuuuupid". And I think I am too. I just can't. I would give the exact same advice you lovely people here do if I was talking to someone else in my situation. But when it comes to me, I've always wanted to be no trouble. This is all counsellor stuff. At least I see my own issues now. I didn't have that luxury until I came here. X
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 10, 2017 11:57:26 GMT -5
"That'll be his next trick! Or suicide threats I wouldn't wonder" - It's all part of the manipulation. See it for what it is: an empty threat. The worst and saddest part is that actually... if he did end his own life, that would be the easiest way for me to begin mine. They rarely do, not intentionally anyway. It will serve as an excuse for him to fuel his addiction and then, that will be YOUR fault.
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 10, 2017 12:02:54 GMT -5
That is exactly what they do! And they will manipulate everything to make you think that: 1. This is actually YOUR fault. You made him do this 2. If you just say/do/wear/look..... then he'll be ok None of this is on you. He is the abuser and you are the victim! I've had friends in this situation before and it's all about manipulation and control. If you stay in this abusive relationship, the violence will only escalate. Please EO, you have to go talk with someone who can actually do something NOW on your behalf - restraining order, whatever... You are worth so much more than this!!It's stupid. But I don't feel like I could report him or anything like that. Unless he absolutely battered me or hurt the kids, I would feel like a time waster. Even reading my own words I think "God. These people must think I'm so stuuuuupid". And I think I am too. I just can't. I would give the exact same advice you lovely people here do if I was talking to someone else in my situation. But when it comes to me, I've always wanted to be no trouble. This is all counsellor stuff. At least I see my own issues now. I didn't have that luxury until I came here. X So, let's add up the totals: 1. Do something to ensure your safety = 350,000 2. Don't be any trouble to anyone = 1 The very least you MUST have is an emergency plan. A bag packed and hidden away somewhere, or at your mum's; phone numbers for the local police, safety-house organizations etc. You must be able to live in the knowledge that if this ever happens again, then everything is already in place. Please note: This is NOT me condoning you staying in this situation. Get out.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 10, 2017 12:06:25 GMT -5
I'm working on it Copernicus. Changing the subject slightly, I like to read your name as "copper knickers"
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 10, 2017 12:10:57 GMT -5
I'm working on it Copernicus . Changing the subject slightly, I like to read your name as "copper knickers" No diversions, please
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 10, 2017 12:16:08 GMT -5
Fuck. Ya got me copper knickers xx
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Post by lyn on Apr 10, 2017 13:25:20 GMT -5
Ok, EO, I "get" this: eternaloptimism said: I've got my Mum and my best friend both very close by. Part of my own problem is not wanting to be a burden. Not wanting to ask for help. You know? But it's not getting me very far at all is it! Xx ---------------------------------------------------------------- Part of the reason I'm still in my situation too - not wanting to be a burden and/or ask for help. YES true. But, your situation is volatile. The cocaine and alcohol combined with feeling backed in a corner with nothing to lose - can turn this dude homicidal with the snap of the fingers. Not saying he's going to kill you, but, when it becomes a possibility that this COULD happen (the chemical cocktail fueling him WILL make him snap AGAIN) - then, it IS time to go to your loved ones - trust me, they would rather see you sleeping on their couch than visit you, my dear, in the hospital, or worse. Please be careful girl. Xx
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 10, 2017 13:41:17 GMT -5
Leave for the safety of the kids, then yourself.
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 10, 2017 15:15:11 GMT -5
EO, If he is doing coke, you also need to be worried that he is going to start shooting up and getting infected. And then giving it to you. Getting raped is bad enough but having to live with STDs/AIDs because of that asshat is a whole other ball game.
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Post by ted on Apr 10, 2017 15:19:27 GMT -5
EO, please get out before the next thing happens! I hear you don't feel it, but you well past the threshold at which you're justified, and it's wise, to take evasive action. You're being abused. Your kids are at risk. You deserve physical and emotional safety, and then some day real love and appreciation. You're an awesome and valuable woman. My heart breaks, hearing your latest story.
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 10, 2017 16:12:26 GMT -5
eternaloptimism Please be careful and safe - I am worried about your situation. Can you just move out? As for "stuff" - My W will get the big house and the cars and the children - I am cool with that - I am about 60% moved out now - she is away on business and I have a few more days to finish the move. Courage and Blessings!!!
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