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Post by northstarmom on Jun 9, 2017 7:59:56 GMT -5
Some therapists have only a hammer so everything looks like a nai. You can choose individual therapy with someone else. The worry workshops did not seem a good fit for meeting your needs.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 9, 2017 11:35:30 GMT -5
I'm happy to hang fire a month greatcoastal. I've already set myself a reminder to call! TBH I don't have that much faith in the NHS here in the U.K. and until I'm apart from him I cannot afford to go private so I'll keep on with my own work. I'm recognising swiftly how my insecurities have landed me in this mess. And actually how they affect many different aspects of my life. I'm sick of being used, abused and walked over by him, by "friends" by work. Times are a changing. And a lot of people around me aren't going to like it. Fuck them. I need healthy people in my life, not those who will take advantage of a good nature. I'm getting braver by the day. Xxx
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 17, 2017 8:21:45 GMT -5
Another update from my corner So... after days of silence, Thursday morning saw the cat leaping from the bag in my house! Long story short, before work I was in trouble for using "his" comb and not returning it to the bathroom. He came downstairs kicking off about it. Usually I would have apologised and got it for him... I had used it while I was cutting the little ones hair the previous evening. But he was such a dick about it. I bit back. A short but loud row ensued with him stomping off and swearing all around the house. In front of both kids. I just thought "no more" I avoided him for 10 mins or so, then he came back into the room for another go at me. So I calmly said "ok, that's enough. When the tenancy ends I'm done" My 9yo was in the room. I don't know about you guys, but I thought I was calm enough and the words I chose were enough that he knew that we WILL split up, but without it being obvious enough to my son. Well. Red rag to a bull. He went mad. Shouting swearing "there you go son. We're fucking splitting up" short loud rant that obviously ended with a hysterical child. Missing out a bit here for time purposes, the kids were devastated. I had to go into school and speak to the little ones teacher. I spent a lot of time talking to the boys about stuff then They get that me and dad are no longer a couple. I put all the essential info in there about us both loving them and that happy parents in separate houses will give us all a better life than miserable parents together. You know the schpiel. So. There we have it. Many more convos to come and details to sort out etc etc. But in a nutshell, it's out there. It's common knowledge. We are split and the kids are ok with it. In no way shape or form would I have chosen for it to come out like that in front of the kids.. I was in shock!! But actually, on reflection, he's done me a favour by putting it out there. And you know what... I've delved into myself enough lately to KNOW he can't manipulate me back this time. Not ever again. No bloody way. So I'm smiling. Today is a good day. A step at a time now and I'll be out by November. If he decides to leave sooner it'll be another blessing. But hey. What's a few months after nearly 18 years!!! I'm happy Xxxxx
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 17, 2017 8:39:02 GMT -5
Congrats. I hope you stick with the decision. I think hearing about the divorce and going through it will be davastating to the kids than remaining in an atmosphere in which everyone walks on eggshells in a vain attempt to avoid your husband's verbal abuse and controlled by demands over trivial things.
See a lawyer asap. If you haven't yet get a good individual counselor or divorce support group. That worry group was not a good fit for you.
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Post by beachguy on Jun 17, 2017 15:48:23 GMT -5
So the Tipping Point was a misplaced comb. Stay strong. Interesting twist on the scene in front of the kids. But it illustrates he is a loose cannon
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 17, 2017 15:51:47 GMT -5
Congrats. I hope you stick with the decision. I think hearing about the divorce and going through it will be davastating to the kids than remaining in an atmosphere in which everyone walks on eggshells in a vain attempt to avoid your husband's verbal abuse and controlled by demands over trivial things. See a lawyer asap. If you haven't yet get a good individual counselor or divorce support group. That worry group was not a good fit for you. Thanks NSM. We're not married, thank the lord, so that simplifies things somewhat. I've made my peace with the fact that I'll own all our debt... I've been like a bloody carer to him and enabled him for so long that everything is in my name. But again... small price to pay. I've got plans in place and will me 100% A.OK getting everything in order. The second he leaves, my finances improve. Actually, from now, my finances improve. I quit enabling. I quit codependency. I quit giving to him. I'm a bad ass bitch now as far as he is concerned and I'll play my part with conviction to get my freedom. Yay! Let life begin Xxx
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 17, 2017 15:53:04 GMT -5
So the Tipping Point was a misplaced comb. Stay strong. Interesting twist on the scene in front of the kids. But it illustrates he is a loose cannon Hey you! I've missed you I know.... a fucking comb! Who'd have guessed that his grooming habits would tip the scales ha ha ha! How's trix mr? X
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 17, 2017 16:50:46 GMT -5
Spent time today with the Mum of one of my eldest son's best buddies. Think I made me a new life long friend. She gets it. She sent me this later on. Have reposted in lighter side under "life".
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Post by rdp62 on Jun 17, 2017 17:08:43 GMT -5
Another update from my corner So... after days of silence, Thursday morning saw the cat leaping from the bag in my house! Long story short, before work I was in trouble for using "his" comb and not returning it to the bathroom. He came downstairs kicking off about it. Usually I would have apologised and got it for him... I had used it while I was cutting the little ones hair the previous evening. But he was such a dick about it. I bit back. A short but loud row ensued with him stomping off and swearing all around the house. In front of both kids. I just thought "no more" I avoided him for 10 mins or so, then he came back into the room for another go at me. So I calmly said "ok, that's enough. When the tenancy ends I'm done" My 9yo was in the room. I don't know about you guys, but I thought I was calm enough and the words I chose were enough that he knew that we WILL split up, but without it being obvious enough to my son. Well. Red rag to a bull. He went mad. Shouting swearing "there you go son. We're fucking splitting up" short loud rant that obviously ended with a hysterical child. Missing out a bit here for time purposes, the kids were devastated. I had to go into school and speak to the little ones teacher. I spent a lot of time talking to the boys about stuff then They get that me and dad are no longer a couple. I put all the essential info in there about us both loving them and that happy parents in separate houses will give us all a better life than miserable parents together. You know the schpiel. So. There we have it. Many more convos to come and details to sort out etc etc. But in a nutshell, it's out there. It's common knowledge. We are split and the kids are ok with it. In no way shape or form would I have chosen for it to come out like that in front of the kids.. I was in shock!! But actually, on reflection, he's done me a favour by putting it out there. And you know what... I've delved into myself enough lately to KNOW he can't manipulate me back this time. Not ever again. No bloody way. So I'm smiling. Today is a good day. A step at a time now and I'll be out by November. If he decides to leave sooner it'll be another blessing. But hey. What's a few months after nearly 18 years!!! I'm happy Xxxxx I am so sorry it is ending this way for you. Hoping a much happier future for your kids and you Rick
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 17, 2017 17:13:57 GMT -5
rdp62 Thanks Rick No need for sorry though... this has been a long time coming. I'm delighted! The down days will come I'm sure. I'll just roll with those. The main thing is, the future is bright X
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 17, 2017 18:03:14 GMT -5
This is a watershed moment to be honored with gratitude- YAY, the truth IS out there. Huge news, EO - I'm happy for this progress. I'm f*cking thrilled you bit back! You ARE a bad ass bitch - be proud of that! You got this!
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Post by baza on Jun 17, 2017 19:18:35 GMT -5
By now, I figure you have the local plods on speed dial, and your local family refuge facility likewise in the loop. This bloke has tried the "silence" option, and that brought him a bit more time. Then he's tried the "anger" option, and that has brought him a bit more time. Yet to be trialled - "Intimidation" "Leg clinging" "Overt aggression" "Begging" "Violence" It's the violence that reeaaally concerns me Sister eternaloptimism
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 18, 2017 9:01:41 GMT -5
This is a watershed moment to be honored with gratitude- YAY, the truth IS out there. Huge news, EO - I'm happy for this progress. I'm f*cking thrilled you bit back! You ARE a bad ass bitch - be proud of that! You got this! He he. Thanks GG. Deffo have my light bulb switched on max right now xx
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 18, 2017 9:05:39 GMT -5
By now, I figure you have the local plods on speed dial, and your local family refuge facility likewise in the loop. This bloke has tried the "silence" option, and that brought him a bit more time. Then he's tried the "anger" option, and that has brought him a bit more time. Yet to be trialled - "Intimidation" "Leg clinging" "Overt aggression" "Begging" "Violence" It's the violence that reeaaally concerns me Sister eternaloptimism I know baza. I know Im fully expecting the whole range from him. None of it can buy him time though. We will both have ti leave leave the property at the end of October. Im lined up to stay with mother to save a few pennies while we sort somewhere else. She is fully prepped that I may have to move at te drop of a hat any time between now and then if necessary. Ive not done anything wrt the local plod however. I dont feel right about talking to them yet..... notice the word yet! the slightest whiff of anything escalating and I will though. Xx
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Post by lyn on Jun 18, 2017 11:55:17 GMT -5
Omg I'm SOOO happy for you. I'm sorry the bandage ripped off in front of the kids - but it's off now and everyone knows the reality of the situation. It's really happening eternaloptimism! You're doing this!!!😊😊😊 What are the chances of you getting on Amazon - or whatever- and ordering some mace? Do you have some? I'd get a few and "hide" them in various places or keep one with you. Just a though in my overly-active little pea brain. Xx
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