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Post by nyartgal on Aug 1, 2016 19:36:57 GMT -5
It's funny how this topic always comes up periodically! I think these things are fun but I'm not sure if they can help with a bad marriage.
I tend to look at things through more of a psychoanalytic perspective, probably because i have spent so much of my life wondering why my mother acts the way she does (turns out she has Borderline Personality Disorder), why my ex acted the way he did (turns out he was super passive aggressive and the son of a textbook narcissist), etc etc. As I've said elsewhere on this board, from what I can tell the percentage of people in SM's who wind up here or were on EP who are married to someone with a personality disorder, depression or mental illness is way higher than the general population. That's my super unscientific casual observation, anyway.
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Post by nyartgal on Aug 1, 2016 19:42:26 GMT -5
I forgot to add that a common denominator of people who wind up with passive aggressives, narcissists, etc (Cluster B in the DSM) is that we were raised to accept a high degree of work in exchange for love. In other words, love was not entirely unconditional. So when we meet partners who are always moving the goalposts, or testing us in some way, it doesn't seem that weird. I think it's worth looking at family relationships to see if there's a pattern of dysfunction.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 1, 2016 20:21:42 GMT -5
ESFJ - the caregiver! And I gave and gave until I had nothing left to give to a taker! ENFJT- Protagonist. how come I got five letters? What was the " T" for? |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 1, 2016 20:33:27 GMT -5
I have 5 letters, too. I'm an ISFJ-T (the Defender). In mine, the T stands for "turbulent" Not quite sure what that means, though! =)
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 1, 2016 20:36:30 GMT -5
I have 5 letters, too. I'm an ISFJ-T (the Defender). In mine, the T stands for "turbulent" Not quite sure what that means, though! =) Now you've got me, wanting to read it all over again! |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 1, 2016 20:45:37 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Aug 1, 2016 21:21:54 GMT -5
This is a good "why chase".
Next, we can have a crack at "Star signs" as the why.
I'm a scorpio.
But as best I recall, being a scorpio didn't do much, if anything, to help me resolve my ILIASM deal.
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Post by litnerd on Aug 2, 2016 0:10:12 GMT -5
This is a good "why chase". Next, we can have a crack at "Star signs" as the why. I'm a scorpio. But as best I recall, being a scorpio didn't do much, if anything, to help me resolve my ILIASM deal. I'm an Aries and H is a Virgo...don't even get me started. |
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 2, 2016 7:19:47 GMT -5
INTP-T - and I can see it well.
The pros and cons.
Hmm, maybe I need to think a little more....
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Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 20, 2016 13:50:53 GMT -5
Gemini/Cancer cusp
ENFP-T
ENFPs are passion-driven ‘ideas’ people. They gain energy from interacting with the world around them, and become quickly excited over new possibilities. Though ENFPs loves being around people, they crave alone time much more than the average extrovert. ENFPs search for a deeper meaning in just about everything, and use their much-coveted alone time to decide how their experiences fit in with their system of core values. To be frank, it’s an exhausting personality to have. Here are a few struggles most ENFPs face.
1. Getting your energy from social interaction, but disliking superficial conversations. Yes, I want to go to a party tonight. But a party full of contemplative people who want to alternate between taking shots and discussing the meaning of life.
2. Being very socially conscious but also fiercely individualistic. This means always wanting to fit in with a group, but never wanting to compromise your personality to do so.
3. The constant tug-of-war between ‘YES, I WANT TO GO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW’ and ‘Wow, I need a lot of time to process these experiences, can I take a breather?’
4. Having a thousand great ideas that you never follow through on.
5. Regularly forgetting that your physical needs exist.
6. Getting into the perfect job/relationship/groove and hearing that nagging voice in the back of your mind going “But maybe there’s something even BETTER out there…”
7. Constantly contradicting yourself because you genuinely see multiple sides to most situations.
8. Everyone thinking you’re flirting with them, all of the time.
9. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity… an hour before the deadline.
10. Getting bored 500 times faster than the average human being.
11. Constantly biting off more than you can chew… and then chewing it out of stubbornness.
12. Stressing out friends and acquaintances who don’t like straying from the original plan.
13. Working towards a constantly altering notion of your “ideal self.”
14. When you have to complete a task that you simply cannot find a way to make fun.
15. Begrudgingly identifying Peter Pan as your spirit animal.
16. People underestimating your intelligence because you lead with the fun, upbeat parts of your personality.
17. Needing significantly more alone time than other extraverts.
18. Others being surprised that you hold such strong opinions and beliefs, despite your easy-going nature.
19. Trying to explain to the people closest to you that yes you love pretty much everyone, but you love them the MOST.
20. People thinking you’re looking for advice when you simply need to process things out loud.
21. Staying in bad relationships because you focus on how things COULD be rather than how they are.
22. Wanting to be alone… but like, with other people nearby.
23. Appearing shallow because of your tendency to flit from topic to topic in conversation, with lightening speed.
24. Having a fiercely independent streak… but getting bored without company.
25. Being a walking contradiction in almost every way, but knowing that you wouldn’t change a thing, even if you could.
Yup. That's me.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 20, 2016 14:19:37 GMT -5
Have you ever taken a personality test ( for example Myers/Briggs, but there are many others), because I am curious about 2 things; 1) Do you think the test can help you or give you insights about your personal life as well as your work personality?? and 2) Is there one personality type more likely to get stuck in a SM?? Thank you very much Rhapsodee, you gave me the idea with your birth order thread. I am an ISFP, for any of you that have taken the Myers/Briggs test. Any other Personality Tests are valid to comment about. I am a new member so go easy on me. I am not certain I should not have put this thread under the Humor category, so with that thought, in "Pottermore" I was sorted into Slytherin! You're welcome, BB. I don't think being an ENFP-T has kept me in a sexless marriage. The test has given me some insights into myself and it makes me laugh that I can be defined. At Hogwarts I think I was expelled. The test kept crashing. |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 20, 2016 16:20:08 GMT -5
Rhapsodee, 92.3% of that list is dead-on for me. Alone, but with other people around - too funny, and true. It's been a while since I did the test, but INTJ sticks in my head from around the time I married. In recent years, I've apparently crossed over to ENFP, mostly due to my line of work encouraging certain traits.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 16:37:32 GMT -5
It's funny how this topic always comes up periodically! I think these things are fun but I'm not sure if they can help with a bad marriage. I tend to look at things through more of a psychoanalytic perspective, probably because i have spent so much of my life wondering why my mother acts the way she does (turns out she has Borderline Personality Disorder), why my ex acted the way he did (turns out he was super passive aggressive and the son of a textbook narcissist), etc etc. As I've said elsewhere on this board, from what I can tell the percentage of people in SM's who wind up here or were on EP who are married to someone with a personality disorder, depression or mental illness is way higher than the general population. That's my super unscientific casual observation, anyway.
Sorry I did not see your post earlier, I spoke to Ted about Borderline Personality Disorder (SM Issues What if she is about to change? by Ted page 4). I should have given you credit for bringing it up first. It is such an important topic. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 16:51:58 GMT -5
Gemini/Cancer cusp ENFP-T ENFPs are passion-driven ‘ideas’ people. They gain energy from interacting with the world around them, and become quickly excited over new possibilities. Though ENFPs loves being around people, they crave alone time much more than the average extrovert. ENFPs search for a deeper meaning in just about everything, and use their much-coveted alone time to decide how their experiences fit in with their system of core values. To be frank, it’s an exhausting personality to have. Here are a few struggles most ENFPs face. 1. Getting your energy from social interaction, but disliking superficial conversations. Yes, I want to go to a party tonight. But a party full of contemplative people who want to alternate between taking shots and discussing the meaning of life. 2. Being very socially conscious but also fiercely individualistic. This means always wanting to fit in with a group, but never wanting to compromise your personality to do so. 3. The constant tug-of-war between ‘YES, I WANT TO GO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW’ and ‘Wow, I need a lot of time to process these experiences, can I take a breather?’ 4. Having a thousand great ideas that you never follow through on. 5. Regularly forgetting that your physical needs exist. 6. Getting into the perfect job/relationship/groove and hearing that nagging voice in the back of your mind going “But maybe there’s something even BETTER out there…” 7. Constantly contradicting yourself because you genuinely see multiple sides to most situations. 8. Everyone thinking you’re flirting with them, all of the time. 9. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity… an hour before the deadline. 10. Getting bored 500 times faster than the average human being. 11. Constantly biting off more than you can chew… and then chewing it out of stubbornness. 12. Stressing out friends and acquaintances who don’t like straying from the original plan. 13. Working towards a constantly altering notion of your “ideal self.” 14. When you have to complete a task that you simply cannot find a way to make fun. 15. Begrudgingly identifying Peter Pan as your spirit animal. 16. People underestimating your intelligence because you lead with the fun, upbeat parts of your personality. 17. Needing significantly more alone time than other extraverts. 18. Others being surprised that you hold such strong opinions and beliefs, despite your easy-going nature. 19. Trying to explain to the people closest to you that yes you love pretty much everyone, but you love them the MOST. 20. People thinking you’re looking for advice when you simply need to process things out loud. 21. Staying in bad relationships because you focus on how things COULD be rather than how they are. 22. Wanting to be alone… but like, with other people nearby. 23. Appearing shallow because of your tendency to flit from topic to topic in conversation, with lightening speed. 24. Having a fiercely independent streak… but getting bored without company. 25. Being a walking contradiction in almost every way, but knowing that you wouldn’t change a thing, even if you could. Yup. That's me. , It is amazing you got all that! You are a complex bundle of contradictions! God help your SO. The sorting hat at Hogwarts would take .1 seconds and declare Ravenclaw! |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 20, 2016 16:56:04 GMT -5
Gemini/Cancer cusp ENFP-T ENFPs are passion-driven ‘ideas’ people. They gain energy from interacting with the world around them, and become quickly excited over new possibilities. Though ENFPs loves being around people, they crave alone time much more than the average extrovert. ENFPs search for a deeper meaning in just about everything, and use their much-coveted alone time to decide how their experiences fit in with their system of core values. To be frank, it’s an exhausting personality to have. Here are a few struggles most ENFPs face. 1. Getting your energy from social interaction, but disliking superficial conversations. Yes, I want to go to a party tonight. But a party full of contemplative people who want to alternate between taking shots and discussing the meaning of life. 2. Being very socially conscious but also fiercely individualistic. This means always wanting to fit in with a group, but never wanting to compromise your personality to do so. 3. The constant tug-of-war between ‘YES, I WANT TO GO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW’ and ‘Wow, I need a lot of time to process these experiences, can I take a breather?’ 4. Having a thousand great ideas that you never follow through on. 5. Regularly forgetting that your physical needs exist. 6. Getting into the perfect job/relationship/groove and hearing that nagging voice in the back of your mind going “But maybe there’s something even BETTER out there…” 7. Constantly contradicting yourself because you genuinely see multiple sides to most situations. 8. Everyone thinking you’re flirting with them, all of the time. 9. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity… an hour before the deadline. 10. Getting bored 500 times faster than the average human being. 11. Constantly biting off more than you can chew… and then chewing it out of stubbornness. 12. Stressing out friends and acquaintances who don’t like straying from the original plan. 13. Working towards a constantly altering notion of your “ideal self.” 14. When you have to complete a task that you simply cannot find a way to make fun. 15. Begrudgingly identifying Peter Pan as your spirit animal. 16. People underestimating your intelligence because you lead with the fun, upbeat parts of your personality. 17. Needing significantly more alone time than other extraverts. 18. Others being surprised that you hold such strong opinions and beliefs, despite your easy-going nature. 19. Trying to explain to the people closest to you that yes you love pretty much everyone, but you love them the MOST. 20. People thinking you’re looking for advice when you simply need to process things out loud. 21. Staying in bad relationships because you focus on how things COULD be rather than how they are. 22. Wanting to be alone… but like, with other people nearby. 23. Appearing shallow because of your tendency to flit from topic to topic in conversation, with lightening speed. 24. Having a fiercely independent streak… but getting bored without company. 25. Being a walking contradiction in almost every way, but knowing that you wouldn’t change a thing, even if you could. Yup. That's me. Sounds like you are stronger with Gemini with so much duality. My ex was a Gemini and I can see a lot of the traits you wrote about in him. I'm a Leo/ Cancer cusp but I'm definitely stronger with Leo however I have the sentimental, care giving, traditional traits of Cancer. |
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