Helpful Hints for Refusers.
Jul 28, 2016 1:02:26 GMT -5
Isabellas39, jim44444, and 14 more like this
Post by baza on Jul 28, 2016 1:02:26 GMT -5
Although you can adopt a policy of open honesty about your refusing, to do so - by saying "I am never going to fuck you again" - it is not a very good idea to adopt this strategy.
It may wake your spouse up to the fact that you are never going to fuck them again, and this knowledge might upset the applecart big time, to the extent that your spouse might decide that the roles you have assigned them (Financier, Social Accessory, Child Minder, and suchlike) are not good enough roles to warrant staying in the marriage.
And, presumably, you, as a refuser, DO actually want the marriage to continue, as long as that awful sweaty sticky sex business is not a part of the picture.
-
So, you are best served to produce a bit of smoke and mirrors in to the dynamic to disguise your true agenda.
-
One of the best methods is to get your spouse "why chasing".
This is where you engineer a situation to cause the spouse to start thinking that the lack of sex in the deal is their fault. A casual remark along the lines of "I really fancy toned people" can pay big dividends. It may send the spouse off to a gym, thus getting them out of your hair for quite a while, as getting toned is no short term thing.
This is just an example, but the general principle is to give a hint that you'd be up for a bit of rooting IF the spouse would (insert something long term here, like "grow your hair really long" - "double your income" or suchlike)
One of the best of recent ones seen on here is - "if we moved to Montana".
Once you get the spouse off on the initial "why chase" it is not that difficult to produce others for them to pursue.
If your spouse starts a programme of scented candling and date nights, you can rest assured that your strategy is working.
You have them well off the scent, and are taking up why chasing all by themselves without you even having to drop hints.
-
And that's just part of the "why chasing".
-
The next ramp up is to get your spouse chasing YOUR "why".
By the simple expedient of dropping some vague hints, say - "I am so tired all the time" - may well provoke your spouse into research on chronic fatigue syndrome and that research might run in to months. Then a few more months as your spouse tries to get you to the Doctor to investigate this matter. This variant on "Why chasing" can spin out for years, if you play your cards right. And the subjects you can use are limited only by your imagination.
Again, if your spouse embarks upon a scented candle approach, you know your strategy is working, and is a really good sign that they are thinking up their own whys to chase without you having to do a thing.
-
A fall back position (if you run out of ideas concerning "why chasing" is the good old "plausible excuse" strategy.
The old stand by - "I have a headache" is a timeless classic, and is only the tip of the iceberg of plausible excuses a skilled refuser can come up with. The more unverifiable or untreatable the better.
One of the best seen in here was the refuser who claimed her spouse's "dick was too big". A stroke of genius really. An ego boost and a refusal all wrapped up in one.
-
And a really good refuser is usually well versed in the art of "Pre-emptive Refusal" too. This is the one where you start yawning in the car on the way home from a party, complete with sighs and claims of exhaustion before you even get home, giving a clear message that there'll be no action tonight, although at the party you had hinted strongly that there might be later. A quick change, feigning being asleep, and then in the morning some statement along the lines "Geez I was so keen last night to get into it. Pity I went to sleep"
-
By the judicious use of these refusive strategies a skilled refuser ought be able to spin things on for quite a while.
5 years ought be your minimum goal.
10 is certainly achievable, and even more is not out of the question.
-
At some point, you may have to bring out the big gun - "Re-set sex".
Use that one very judiciously and very rarely.
A gutful of grog might help you endure this tawdry business if it gets down to it.
A terrible ordeal for you, but the pay off, resetting the dynamic for another lap of the track is well worth it longer term.
-
-
-
And, still up your sleeve, unused at this stage
- subverting / de-railing counselling
- countering "The Talk"
- buying time tactics
- playing the victim
- the acrimonious divorce ploy
All good strategies, all really deserving their own posts.
It may wake your spouse up to the fact that you are never going to fuck them again, and this knowledge might upset the applecart big time, to the extent that your spouse might decide that the roles you have assigned them (Financier, Social Accessory, Child Minder, and suchlike) are not good enough roles to warrant staying in the marriage.
And, presumably, you, as a refuser, DO actually want the marriage to continue, as long as that awful sweaty sticky sex business is not a part of the picture.
-
So, you are best served to produce a bit of smoke and mirrors in to the dynamic to disguise your true agenda.
-
One of the best methods is to get your spouse "why chasing".
This is where you engineer a situation to cause the spouse to start thinking that the lack of sex in the deal is their fault. A casual remark along the lines of "I really fancy toned people" can pay big dividends. It may send the spouse off to a gym, thus getting them out of your hair for quite a while, as getting toned is no short term thing.
This is just an example, but the general principle is to give a hint that you'd be up for a bit of rooting IF the spouse would (insert something long term here, like "grow your hair really long" - "double your income" or suchlike)
One of the best of recent ones seen on here is - "if we moved to Montana".
Once you get the spouse off on the initial "why chase" it is not that difficult to produce others for them to pursue.
If your spouse starts a programme of scented candling and date nights, you can rest assured that your strategy is working.
You have them well off the scent, and are taking up why chasing all by themselves without you even having to drop hints.
-
And that's just part of the "why chasing".
-
The next ramp up is to get your spouse chasing YOUR "why".
By the simple expedient of dropping some vague hints, say - "I am so tired all the time" - may well provoke your spouse into research on chronic fatigue syndrome and that research might run in to months. Then a few more months as your spouse tries to get you to the Doctor to investigate this matter. This variant on "Why chasing" can spin out for years, if you play your cards right. And the subjects you can use are limited only by your imagination.
Again, if your spouse embarks upon a scented candle approach, you know your strategy is working, and is a really good sign that they are thinking up their own whys to chase without you having to do a thing.
-
A fall back position (if you run out of ideas concerning "why chasing" is the good old "plausible excuse" strategy.
The old stand by - "I have a headache" is a timeless classic, and is only the tip of the iceberg of plausible excuses a skilled refuser can come up with. The more unverifiable or untreatable the better.
One of the best seen in here was the refuser who claimed her spouse's "dick was too big". A stroke of genius really. An ego boost and a refusal all wrapped up in one.
-
And a really good refuser is usually well versed in the art of "Pre-emptive Refusal" too. This is the one where you start yawning in the car on the way home from a party, complete with sighs and claims of exhaustion before you even get home, giving a clear message that there'll be no action tonight, although at the party you had hinted strongly that there might be later. A quick change, feigning being asleep, and then in the morning some statement along the lines "Geez I was so keen last night to get into it. Pity I went to sleep"
-
By the judicious use of these refusive strategies a skilled refuser ought be able to spin things on for quite a while.
5 years ought be your minimum goal.
10 is certainly achievable, and even more is not out of the question.
-
At some point, you may have to bring out the big gun - "Re-set sex".
Use that one very judiciously and very rarely.
A gutful of grog might help you endure this tawdry business if it gets down to it.
A terrible ordeal for you, but the pay off, resetting the dynamic for another lap of the track is well worth it longer term.
-
-
-
And, still up your sleeve, unused at this stage
- subverting / de-railing counselling
- countering "The Talk"
- buying time tactics
- playing the victim
- the acrimonious divorce ploy
All good strategies, all really deserving their own posts.
