Post by DryCreek on Jul 28, 2016 10:47:37 GMT -5
iceman, I did the latter for two reasons.
First, I reasoned that a female therapist might inherently have more insight to W's perspective, which I needed; what I didn't need was a fanboy just supporting my perspective.
Second, I needed someone who W would not find threatening. I hadn't had success in getting W to do therapy on her own because, of course, this was my sexual problem and she had no issues. I later succeeded in pulling her into the sessions on the premise of contributing her perspective of "my problem", at which point it evolved into couples sessions, and eventually some individual sessions for her.
However, I did stumble hugely in the process. I sourced my therapist via aasect.org, which is an organization of therapists focused on sexual issues, which is a good starting point. But... I later learned that my therapist's primary business was dealing with sex addicts and abuse. That's a fact I should have exposed sooner, and switched therapists.
That put a decidedly different twist on my therapist's thinking and perspective, probably closer to that of a refuser, because her world consisted of "sex is bad" scenarios, rather than coaching for more/better sex. In the context of "I can only change what I can control", she ended up focusing on me being content with what W offered, rather than changing the dynamic. It's a valid approach because I can't change W, but once we'd progressed to couples sessions the scope did not include increased intimacy / frequency as I would have hoped.
So, lesson learned, ask a lot of questions about your therapist's experience, training, areas of focus, and perspective on sex issues. Interview them, because their skills and experience are widely divergent. And to be "ageist", I wouldn't personally accept anyone under ~40 as having enough life experience to give me advice; not that they wouldn't be technically qualified, but I'd have a hard time respecting the wisdom of someone fresh out of school on such matters.
FWIW,
DC
First, I reasoned that a female therapist might inherently have more insight to W's perspective, which I needed; what I didn't need was a fanboy just supporting my perspective.
Second, I needed someone who W would not find threatening. I hadn't had success in getting W to do therapy on her own because, of course, this was my sexual problem and she had no issues. I later succeeded in pulling her into the sessions on the premise of contributing her perspective of "my problem", at which point it evolved into couples sessions, and eventually some individual sessions for her.
However, I did stumble hugely in the process. I sourced my therapist via aasect.org, which is an organization of therapists focused on sexual issues, which is a good starting point. But... I later learned that my therapist's primary business was dealing with sex addicts and abuse. That's a fact I should have exposed sooner, and switched therapists.
That put a decidedly different twist on my therapist's thinking and perspective, probably closer to that of a refuser, because her world consisted of "sex is bad" scenarios, rather than coaching for more/better sex. In the context of "I can only change what I can control", she ended up focusing on me being content with what W offered, rather than changing the dynamic. It's a valid approach because I can't change W, but once we'd progressed to couples sessions the scope did not include increased intimacy / frequency as I would have hoped.
So, lesson learned, ask a lot of questions about your therapist's experience, training, areas of focus, and perspective on sex issues. Interview them, because their skills and experience are widely divergent. And to be "ageist", I wouldn't personally accept anyone under ~40 as having enough life experience to give me advice; not that they wouldn't be technically qualified, but I'd have a hard time respecting the wisdom of someone fresh out of school on such matters.
FWIW,
DC
