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Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 19:29:01 GMT -5
I just sent H the link for the love languages quiz because I just realized I have absolutely no idea what his is/are. I also took it myself again and was surprised to see that mine have shifted a bit.
When we talked the other night, I was really emotional and I couldn't think of anything when he kept asking what I wanted him to do to show more affection. I'm still a little stumped beyond physically touching me more (which I told him). I'm hoping that this will at the very least spark some conversation about what each of us needs from the other.
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Post by unmatched on Jul 27, 2016 19:38:33 GMT -5
A lot of people have done these, and they can be quite helpful at least as a way of talking about your relationship and trying to understand each other. I reckon about 70% of the people here found their first love language was touch (often followed by verbal), and their partner's was Acts of Service. To me that has always seemed like a cop out for people who are not willing to experience too much intimacy, but I may be biased...
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Post by baza on Jul 27, 2016 20:51:00 GMT -5
The 5 Love Languages is worth a read.
In the context of an ILIASM shithole, it may help you to realise the particular way your spouse doesn't love you.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 27, 2016 22:57:35 GMT -5
I'm all for all kinds of introspection, and this book is pretty good for understanding yourself and your spouse.
However, it's a book that should be given to singles before they start dating, so they can be more conscious about good long-term compatibility.
Knowing that my wife wants Gifts to feel loved... doesn't help when I get a "meh" reaction trying to be physically affectionate. If Gift-giving is shallow to me instead of meaningful, it benefits only her. And if she is physically affectionate with me, but only because she knows it's important to me, then the experience is greatly diminished. The chemistry won't happen.
i.e., this mismatch is something that needs to be prevented by finding the right partner. It can't be patched effectively later.
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Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 23:15:34 GMT -5
Curiosity was mostly what led me to send it to him. He refused to take it because it asked for his email address.
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Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 23:17:01 GMT -5
Surprisingly, touch was #3 for me following words of affirmation and acts of service. I thought it would end up higher (though all 3 were pretty close in number).
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 27, 2016 23:24:05 GMT -5
Oh, it's still interesting (and useful) to know. I just don't think the fix is as simple as becoming "multi-lingual".
Tell him to give your e-mail address instead. ;-) Seems like he's looking for an excuse to avoid playing. You might need to try to questionnaire on his behalf.
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Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 23:28:22 GMT -5
Oh, it's still interesting (and useful) to know. I just don't think the fix is as simple as becoming "multi-lingual". Tell him to give your e-mail address instead. ;-) Seems like he's looking for an excuse to avoid playing. You might need to try to questionnaire on his behalf. The really stubborn part of me won out tonight (the part that says "fuck him if he's not going to make the effort he said he would"). I took my phone and went to bed and left him to watch his show in the living room. Maybe I'll tell him tomorrow that he can use my spam email. |
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