|
|
Post by unmatched on Jul 27, 2016 17:12:27 GMT -5
I like being optimistic. Hopefully he keeps the show of affection going. You should remind him if he forgets. Your H seems like a nice guy to me. I am also a loner. Loners are capable of loving someone too. Keep up the open communication, and good luck. This is off topic, but got me laughing anyway. I'm flying back and sat next to a woman. I notice that she was sitting on my seatbelt buckle. I was tempted to gently tug at it but it was really under her. So I told her to please let me have my buckle so I don't have to pull it from under her. She replied, Yes, it's too early in the day for that. We started laughing, and I was surprised how she can talk like that to a stranger. (from Puerto Rico, with her 15 yr old son sitting next to her and her husband was one row in front.) I am going to guess that she is not LIASM. I've been somewhat deflated this week after 2 attempts at sex were unsuccessful, and I ended up sleeping on the couch once because he complains about me taking up too much space in the bed (our mattress sags in the middle, so every time he moves, I slide into him) and the fact that I sleep naked. Aside from (I think) putting his arm over me in my sleep last night and mentioning finding a sitter for the kids so we can go to lunch at the craft beer and burger place we like and go see Star Trek next week, it's been life as usual. My children have also decided to not go to sleep on time, so there's been no child-free opportunities to bring things up again. It seems to me that if he is not happy with you sleeping naked and touching him in the night then he should go sleep on the f***ing couch!!! |
|
|
|
Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 17:47:36 GMT -5
I've been somewhat deflated this week after 2 attempts at sex were unsuccessful, and I ended up sleeping on the couch once because he complains about me taking up too much space in the bed (our mattress sags in the middle, so every time he moves, I slide into him) and the fact that I sleep naked. Aside from (I think) putting his arm over me in my sleep last night and mentioning finding a sitter for the kids so we can go to lunch at the craft beer and burger place we like and go see Star Trek next week, it's been life as usual. My children have also decided to not go to sleep on time, so there's been no child-free opportunities to bring things up again.
Sorry for the latest attempt fails.  There was a post a while back about the 40 Beads Method. You basically put a red bead on a bowl each time you want to have sex and your partner will know that you want sex and he should make time with you within a couple of days. (My wife thinks it is silly and dismissed it.) Perhaps this can be something fun and can work with you? Burger and Star Trek sounds nice still. When are you due? I spoke to my SIL today about watching the kids so we can get lunch/see Star Trek in a couple weeks since she was a little hurt that I didn't ask her to watch them for my therapy appointment this week (she lives 30+ minutes from us, so her babysitting takes some serious organization) and we have Doctor/dentist appointments on H's days off next week. Now that we have childcare, he can't back out. And if he does, I'll go by myself. I might mention the bead idea. It couldn't hurt to bring it up, and would give him an opportunity to have sex when he most feels like it instead of me just jumping him and hoping for the best. I'm due early November. I have gestational diabetes, so I'm looking at induction sometime around the 3rd. Earlier if I keep having issues controlling my blood glucose and/or my blood pressure gets much higher. Pregnancy sucks for me and I don't want any more, so I'm trying to make the best of it...which hasn't been easy considering everything. |
|
|
|
Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 17:51:12 GMT -5
I've been somewhat deflated this week after 2 attempts at sex were unsuccessful, and I ended up sleeping on the couch once because he complains about me taking up too much space in the bed (our mattress sags in the middle, so every time he moves, I slide into him) and the fact that I sleep naked. Aside from (I think) putting his arm over me in my sleep last night and mentioning finding a sitter for the kids so we can go to lunch at the craft beer and burger place we like and go see Star Trek next week, it's been life as usual. My children have also decided to not go to sleep on time, so there's been no child-free opportunities to bring things up again. It seems to me that if he is not happy with you sleeping naked and touching him in the night then he should go sleep on the f***ing couch!!! He usually does, actually. At the very least, he falls asleep on the couch and doesn't move to the bed until early in the morning. I moved because I wasn't going to wait for him to go to sleep so I could cry, and because it is cooler in the living room than in our bedroom. I won't be doing it again, though, because our couch is not compatible with my pregnancy physique. |
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Jul 27, 2016 18:07:24 GMT -5
A couple things. If he can't communicate to you that he loves you, he has an issue. I'm pretty messed up from my childhood, and I can do that. He needs therapy to open up. Seriously. You both can learn to communicate your needs better. If you both want to.
Start now and don't ever stop.
If you both are in love with each other, if he loves you but can't show it to your satisfaction, it can be saved with work. By both parties. Everyday. Make a list, "this is what I need, and this is what I'll do for you" compromise and discuss.
MAKE it work. It can be done if you both want it.
|
|
|
|
Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 19:01:26 GMT -5
A couple things. If he can't communicate to you that he loves you, he has an issue. I'm pretty messed up from my childhood, and I can do that. He needs therapy to open up. Seriously. You both can learn to communicate your needs better. If you both want to. Start now and don't ever stop. If you both are in love with each other, if he loves you but can't show it to your satisfaction, it can be saved with work. By both parties. Everyday. Make a list, "this is what I need, and this is what I'll do for you" compromise and discuss. MAKE it work. It can be done if you both want it. I agree. I know communication is a BIG factor for us. I've been working on mine in therapy for a few months, and I feel like I'm making progress. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless. My therapist agrees that he should probably be in therapy if for no other reason than his job. He's been noncommittal when I've brought it up, but I'm wondering if he would go if I just made him an appointment (it's the route I've taken re: his physical health because he won't make an appointment, but he'll go to the appointments I make for him). But a big part of me wants him to make that effort on his own because he wants to have a healthy relationship with me...not just to placate me. |
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Jul 27, 2016 19:48:53 GMT -5
A couple things. If he can't communicate to you that he loves you, he has an issue. I'm pretty messed up from my childhood, and I can do that. He needs therapy to open up. Seriously. You both can learn to communicate your needs better. If you both want to. Start now and don't ever stop. If you both are in love with each other, if he loves you but can't show it to your satisfaction, it can be saved with work. By both parties. Everyday. Make a list, "this is what I need, and this is what I'll do for you" compromise and discuss. MAKE it work. It can be done if you both want it. I agree. I know communication is a BIG factor for us. I've been working on mine in therapy for a few months, and I feel like I'm making progress. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless. My therapist agrees that he should probably be in therapy if for no other reason than his job. He's been noncommittal when I've brought it up, but I'm wondering if he would go if I just made him an appointment (it's the route I've taken re: his physical health because he won't make an appointment, but he'll go to the appointments I make for him). But a big part of me wants him to make that effort on his own because he wants to have a healthy relationship with me...not just to placate me. While I can understand that, maybe make the first few for him, and then back off and see if he takes the responsibility on himself. If he is committed, he will see how important it is to you. |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jul 27, 2016 20:26:54 GMT -5
While I can understand that, maybe make the first few for him, and then back off and see if he takes the responsibility on himself. If he is committed, he will see how important it is to you. I kinda like this idea. Make the first one, no more than two, to prime the pump. Attendance or rescheduling is on him, as is keeping the ball rolling. This is an area that is easy to put off without being deliberate. Heck, the thing that keeps me regular at the dentist is that I schedule my next appointment before I leave their office. |
|
|
|
Post by litnerd on Jul 27, 2016 20:33:12 GMT -5
While I can understand that, maybe make the first few for him, and then back off and see if he takes the responsibility on himself. If he is committed, he will see how important it is to you. I kinda like this idea. Make the first one, no more than two, to prime the pump. Attendance or rescheduling is on him, as is keeping the ball rolling. This is an area that is easy to put off without being deliberate. Heck, the thing that keeps me regular at the dentist is that I schedule my next appointment before I leave their office. That's one big factor that keeps me going back to my therapist because I hate going to appointments myself. She schedules me at the end of every session, otherwise I'd probably never call and make the appointment. Even when it's something important, I often just forget to make the call. |
|
|
|
Post by lwoetin on Jul 28, 2016 23:16:31 GMT -5
I spoke to my SIL today about watching the kids so we can get lunch/see Star Trek in a couple weeks since she was a little hurt that I didn't ask her to watch them for my therapy appointment this week (she lives 30+ minutes from us, so her babysitting takes some serious organization) and we have Doctor/dentist appointments on H's days off next week. Now that we have childcare, he can't back out. And if he does, I'll go by myself. I might mention the bead idea. It couldn't hurt to bring it up, and would give him an opportunity to have sex when he most feels like it instead of me just jumping him and hoping for the best. I'm due early November. I have gestational diabetes, so I'm looking at induction sometime around the 3rd. Earlier if I keep having issues controlling my blood glucose and/or my blood pressure gets much higher. Pregnancy sucks for me and I don't want any more, so I'm trying to make the best of it...which hasn't been easy considering everything. 4 kids is plenty. Enjoy your last pregnancy and good luck in November. It's great that you have your SIL and grandma to do childcare when needed. Your h also seems like a caring father. Hopefully he can improve his game to meet more of your needs and desires, then you wouldn't have to jump so much. You sure are going to be very busy with 3 young ones though. If you were close by, I would help babysit.  |
|
|
|
Post by litnerd on Jul 28, 2016 23:32:41 GMT -5
I spoke to my SIL today about watching the kids so we can get lunch/see Star Trek in a couple weeks since she was a little hurt that I didn't ask her to watch them for my therapy appointment this week (she lives 30+ minutes from us, so her babysitting takes some serious organization) and we have Doctor/dentist appointments on H's days off next week. Now that we have childcare, he can't back out. And if he does, I'll go by myself. I might mention the bead idea. It couldn't hurt to bring it up, and would give him an opportunity to have sex when he most feels like it instead of me just jumping him and hoping for the best. I'm due early November. I have gestational diabetes, so I'm looking at induction sometime around the 3rd. Earlier if I keep having issues controlling my blood glucose and/or my blood pressure gets much higher. Pregnancy sucks for me and I don't want any more, so I'm trying to make the best of it...which hasn't been easy considering everything. 4 kids is plenty. Enjoy your last pregnancy and good luck in November. It's great that you have your SIL and grandma to do childcare when needed. Your h also seems like a caring father. Hopefully he can improve his game to meet more of your needs and desires, then you wouldn't have to jump so much. You sure are going to be very busy with 3 young ones though. If you were close by, I would help babysit. I only wanted 3, he wanted "as many as I can have." Since our oldest isn't mine biologically, he claims it's a good compromise. And I kind of knew I wasn't ready for our current youngest to be my last. H is actually a great dad. For example, he came home after 12 hours (working mostly outside in 111°F heat and a uniform that is NOT hot weather friendly) to me in tears from hip/pelvic pain and frustration from dealing with kids who'd been cooped up in the house all day. He proceeded to handle bedtime on his own while I took an Epsom salt soak in the tub (we usually split bedtime duties because our 2 and 4 year olds are extremely difficult at bedtime). I got to see him as a dad before I married him because he was a single dad for 4 years before we met, and seeing him with his daughter was one of the things that made me love him. I have discovered a lot of family members have come forward to offer help with my kids since my usual sitter (my mom) is now caretaker to my 13 y/o sister who's going through chemo. It's also made me more apt to reach out to people I normally wouldn't ask for help (because asking for help is hard for me). H's cousin is watching them so I can go to therapy tomorrow, and my aunts have all been offering to take them if I need a break. |
|
|
|
Post by lwoetin on Jul 29, 2016 0:44:59 GMT -5
I only wanted 3, he wanted "as many as I can have." Since our oldest isn't mine biologically, he claims it's a good compromise. And I kind of knew I wasn't ready for our current youngest to be my last. H is actually a great dad. For example, he came home after 12 hours (working mostly outside in 111°F heat and a uniform that is NOT hot weather friendly) to me in tears from hip/pelvic pain and frustration from dealing with kids who'd been cooped up in the house all day. He proceeded to handle bedtime on his own while I took an Epsom salt soak in the tub (we usually split bedtime duties because our 2 and 4 year olds are extremely difficult at bedtime). I got to see him as a dad before I married him because he was a single dad for 4 years before we met, and seeing him with his daughter was one of the things that made me love him. I have discovered a lot of family members have come forward to offer help with my kids since my usual sitter (my mom) is now caretaker to my 13 y/o sister who's going through chemo. It's also made me more apt to reach out to people I normally wouldn't ask for help (because asking for help is hard for me). H's cousin is watching them so I can go to therapy tomorrow, and my aunts have all been offering to take them if I need a break. Yeah, my wife is a great mom as well. I'm fine with our kids conversations. But then she starts talking about housework and cleaning. I just laugh and tell her there are more important things we can be talking about and doing...hint hint. And she stops talking. You've got a great family support system. Use them as much as needed! And good luck with your younger sister's chemo therapy. |
|
