Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage

Rhapsodee
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Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 13:29:02 GMT -5 Dan, Isabellas39, and 25 more like this

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Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 14, 2016 13:29:02 GMT -5

1. Desperate for answers.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is there something wrong with him?
Is there someone else?

2. Denial.
We've been so busy. He/she has that injury/illness and needs to recover.
We will get back to it on vacation,
or as soon as the kids are out of the house,
or when things get better,
or when there aren't so many things pulling at us.

3. Bargaining.
If we go to therapy we can work this out.
This self help book says that if I......
If I loose a little more weight....
If I didn't look so old.

4. Relapse
We did it! We had sex! Things will get better now! I really am loved and desired!

5. Anger.
ggold you expressed this one perfectly:
I am pissed that I let this go for so long.
I am pissed that I didn't divorce him years ago.
I am pissed that he would continue to live like this!
I am pissed that I have worked on myself all of these years while he did nothing to help himself!!!
I am pissed that my mind is so fucked up!!
I am pissed that I felt ugly and unwanted for so long.
I am pissed about all the nights I spend alone in bed.

6. Initial acceptance.
He/she is not going to change.
Outsourcing, is it something I could do?
I should get a lawyer and explore my options.
Life is too short to live so empty a life.

7. Redirected Hope
There is someone out there for me.
I am worthy of love.
I can survive this.

Last Edit: Jul 14, 2016 21:03:21 GMT -5 by Rhapsodee

It only hurts when I don't laugh.

cagedtiger Senior Members Posts: 1,936 Age Range: 31-35	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 14:36:06 GMT -5 via Tapatalk Rhapsodee, ggold, and 2 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cagedtiger on Jul 14, 2016 14:36:06 GMT -5 Once again, you've nailed it.

unmatched Senior Members It is what we don't do that we come to regret the most. Posts: 1,472 Age Range: 41-45	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 15:12:15 GMT -5 via mobile Rhapsodee, greatcoastal, and 4 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by unmatched on Jul 14, 2016 15:12:15 GMT -5 That is really good. I have done every single thing you wrote there. Maybe I am actually getting somewhere...

Caris Senior Members Posts: 970	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 15:13:25 GMT -5 via mobile Rhapsodee, ggold, and 2 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Caris on Jul 14, 2016 15:13:25 GMT -5 Very good. I never did reach stage 7, apart for the last part that I am surviving on my own.
	Last Edit: Jul 14, 2016 15:14:00 GMT -5 by Caris

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 15:15:36 GMT -5 Rhapsodee, greatcoastal, and 4 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 15:15:36 GMT -5 This is very accurate! I've been through most of the stages throughout my marriage.

ggold Senior Members Posts: 864 Age Range: 51-55	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 15:16:12 GMT -5 Rhapsodee, unkakris, and 5 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ggold on Jul 14, 2016 15:16:12 GMT -5 rhapsodee Bookmarked this. Thank you. I'm on #6 and working towards #7. So hard. xo

Casiyessie Full Member Posts: 126 Age Range: 26-30	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 15:18:51 GMT -5 via Tapatalk Rhapsodee, lwoetin, and 2 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Casiyessie on Jul 14, 2016 15:18:51 GMT -5 Wow! This is very true. Thank you for posting. I was 5 for a while and now back to 4. It's a cycle that never ends. 😞

cagedtiger
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Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 15:47:20 GMT -5 via Tapatalk Rhapsodee, unkakris, and 2 more like this

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Post by cagedtiger on Jul 14, 2016 15:47:20 GMT -5

I think I'm done with Step 5, and my survivor mindset is kicking in as I set both feet fully into step 6. The last few weeks have been about confirming in my heart what my head had already known weeks ago.

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 17:03:00 GMT -5 via mobile Rhapsodee, itsjustus, and 3 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 17:03:00 GMT -5 This is brilliant Rhapsodee. I've been vacillating btw 5 and 6 lately. I think today I'm a 6. I'm climbing the ladder out. Woot!!

greatcoastal Senior Members Thanks for the Birthday wishes! Dinner with a friend tonight and B.D dance with the ladies! Posts: 6,727 Age Range: 56-60	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 17:15:22 GMT -5 Rhapsodee, itsjustus, and 3 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by greatcoastal on Jul 14, 2016 17:15:22 GMT -5 Personally I think there's a 61/2 in there. Getting divorced.
	Stars can't shine without darkness.

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 17:55:42 GMT -5 via mobile greatcoastal and unkakris like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 17:55:42 GMT -5 Yes, GC. I was thinking that too and maybe that 7 (often) occurs after divorce?

Dan
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Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 19:52:06 GMT -5 Rhapsodee, unkakris, and 2 more like this

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Post by Dan on Jul 14, 2016 19:52:06 GMT -5

Ooooo, I really like this.

But can you (or ggold) fill in Step 5 for me? I must have missed that thread.

Seriously: edit the original post with that spelled out, and then this will get my vote for "Best Post Of The Month"!

Rhapsodee
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Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 21:05:12 GMT -5 Dan likes this

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Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 14, 2016 21:05:12 GMT -5

Jul 14, 2016 19:52:06 GMT -5 Dan said:

Ooooo, I really like this.

But can you (or ggold ) fill in Step 5 for me? I must have missed that thread.

Seriously: edit the original post with that spelled out, and then this will get my vote for "Best Post Of The Month"!

Thank you, Dan!

I copied ggold's post to mine. It was her post that inspired this.

Last Edit: Jul 14, 2016 21:06:44 GMT -5 by Rhapsodee

It only hurts when I don't laugh.

Dan
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Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 21:17:59 GMT -5 Rhapsodee, DryCreek, and 3 more like this

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Post by Dan on Jul 14, 2016 21:17:59 GMT -5

Jul 14, 2016 21:05:12 GMT -5 Rhapsodee said:

Jul 14, 2016 19:52:06 GMT -5 Dan said:

Ooooo, I really like this.

But can you (or ggold ) fill in Step 5 for me? I must have missed that thread.

Seriously: edit the original post with that spelled out, and then this will get my vote for "Best Post Of The Month"!

Thank you, Dan!

I copied ggold's post to mine. It was her post that inspired this.

Excellent work! Great team effort!

baza
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Stages of grieving for a sexless marriage Jul 14, 2016 22:52:50 GMT -5 Rhapsodee, Isabellas39, and 7 more like this

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Post by baza on Jul 14, 2016 22:52:50 GMT -5

Just a cautionary warning, "if" you actually get all the way through the process and actually leave your ILIASM shithole.
-
That will NOT give you immunity from revisiting some of those stages again - even years afterward.
-
I mention this not to spook you, rather, just to be aware.
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I've been out now some 6 years. Rare is the day when my ILIASM deal doesn't come in to my head at least fleetingly, and sometimes (rarely) I revisit some of those 7 stages.
Again, not trying to spook you, it is all quite managable, but be aware.

Last Edit: Jul 14, 2016 23:15:38 GMT -5 by baza

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