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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 10:26:48 GMT -5
pointbreakgirl, I can't say I'm happy to see you here. He's hunting for women while you sit there with NOTHING? Ditch him yesterday and find someone else.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 14, 2016 10:35:13 GMT -5
Cut him loose, free yourself!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 10:42:45 GMT -5
I noticed autocorrect changed the title to this thread. Happens all the time.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 14, 2016 11:20:51 GMT -5
Either way, Allah will deal with him.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 11:41:52 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that pointbreakgirl. {{hugs}} the good news is you now have experience evicting men who are not adding positive things to your life from your life. Use that knowledge and move on, you can do better! Alone is better than a man who brings you down but I doubt you'll be alone for long. Of course that doesn't mean you're not feeling hurt and that you will need some time to heal. And that after LIASM this kind of rejection hurts even more than it would for someone who didn't liasm. {{hugs}} You won't always hurt even though it may feel like that today. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 14, 2016 14:43:06 GMT -5
Long time no see pbgirl. Sorry it had to be under this sort of circumstance. Wow, talk about some bad luck
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Post by unmatched on Jul 14, 2016 15:23:58 GMT -5
It actually seems not that unlikely that after being with a refuser we would swing the opposite way and assume that somebody who appears to have a high sex drive is the holy grail. But maybe now you have got that out of your system you can ditch him and start to think more about what is really most important to you in a relationship. As I think has been said here before, it is never just about the sex.
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Post by Caris on Jul 14, 2016 15:23:59 GMT -5
I noticed autocorrect changed the title to this thread. Happens all the time. Was it autocorrect? I never responded because I didn't understand what the post had to do with Islam. Now it makes sense, if it's ILIASM. |
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Post by Caris on Jul 14, 2016 15:30:29 GMT -5
You are enough. It's not you, it's him. He's not the right one for you.
I don't know how long you have been with him, but try not to get emotionally invested in a new man before you really get to know if he's worthy of your love. This one is not worthy.
I'm sorry. I know it hurts, but let him go. {{hugs}}
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Post by angryspartan on Jul 14, 2016 16:05:33 GMT -5
Time to wage a jihad on this refusing infidel.
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Post by baza on Jul 14, 2016 22:29:36 GMT -5
Presumably Sister pointbreakgirl, you have struck another dud.
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You know what you need to do, and you know how to do it from your previous lap of the track.
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I don't want to be telling you how to run your life, but do you think that seeing a counsellor and doing a full and frank autopsy on dud marriage #1 and dud relationship #2 could have some value ?
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Post by Caris on Jul 15, 2016 9:55:14 GMT -5
Presumably Sister pointbreakgirl, you have struck another dud. - You know what you need to do, and you know how to do it from your previous lap of the track. - I don't want to be telling you how to run your life, but do you think that seeing a counsellor and doing a full and frank autopsy on dud marriage #1 and dud relationship #2 could have some value ? I think many come out of these marriages in a very vulnerable state. We've been deprived of basic human needs – emotionally and physically – for so long that any one attractive (to us) that pays interest and attention becomes the recipient of our attachment. We latch on for dear life...possibly subconsciously. It's like finding an oasis in a dessert when you've been parched for so long. We invest our emotions in them too fast to find out if they are worthy of our affections, and when we realize they are a dud, it hurts like a double whammy, and just validates all the rejection we've already experienced. We don't realize that it's NOT US, except for our poor judgment (and who can blame us when our needs our so great, and have been unmet for years or decades. I think pain post ILIASM is inevitable (for many). Use it as learning to look deeply and know yourself. Know your needs, your vulnerabilities and strengths...where you may have moved too fast, trusted too much before really knowing someone. Learn about men (and women), how they operate when looking for hook-ups as opposed to someone who is looking for long-term. There are plenty of books written on dating, with great advice. I've read many myself, even though I haven't dated. I think I'm pretty much up to speed on the signs of time wasters, and those who share my values and desires. My own life experience and reading these books have honed my radar for cads, although probably sent me to the aversion extreme on the relationship spectrum, and one has to be careful with that too. There is a saying that if you keep doing the same thing, we get the same result. Some of us are locked into a pattern of behavior that will get us the duds in life. Virtues like tolerance can become damaging to our self, if we tolerate in the extreme. The best advice I can give, although success is not guaranteed in anything...but may prevent more broken hearts...is know yourself, and take time off from dating to get to know yourself as much as possible. Respect and love yourself, and set boundaries. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 15, 2016 10:31:37 GMT -5
Caris - so well said about the dating world and dating life. Absolutely first and foremost know yourself and know your requirements, boundaries, know how to communicate both to ask questions, ask lots of questions! And know how to answer those questions. What I find in my forties in the dating world is everyone is looking for just a casual thing. I'm sure there are a lot of women out there that will sleep with a man over and over with him putting forth very little effort. If it weren't for the fact that I'm well taken care of in that Dept by my AP, maybe I would succumb to that too. However bballgirl is no prude she will sleep with a man that she is attracted to both physically and mentally if he shows interest and he asks the right questions to do that, I'd say EP men helped me learn pretty quickly the difference between a friend and a troll, yes there are trolls on dating websites too. Just Hi doesn't get a response. So I may sleep with a man on the second date if I'm extremely intrigued and curious, my philosophy: sort of like a drug dealer giving the first hit for free. However if he wants more it's not free. He has to invest his time in wanting to get to know the true me. Seems most men out there don't want that. Or maybe they are more interested in a skinny blonde who will bait and switch them. Good luck to them! I know my worth, I know what I bring to the table and I'm not afraid to eat alone for the rest of my life. Again for me having my AP helps tremendously with not settling as do all of the people on the forum.
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Post by wewbwb on Jul 16, 2016 3:25:06 GMT -5
Caris - so well said about the dating world and dating life. Absolutely first and foremost know yourself and know your requirements, boundaries, know how to communicate both to ask questions, ask lots of questions! And know how to answer those questions. What I find in my forties in the dating world is everyone is looking for just a casual thing. I'm sure there are a lot of women out there that will sleep with a man over and over with him putting forth very little effort. If it weren't for the fact that I'm well taken care of in that Dept by my AP, maybe I would succumb to that too. However bballgirl is no prude she will sleep with a man that she is attracted to both physically and mentally if he shows interest and he asks the right questions to do that, I'd say EP men helped me learn pretty quickly the difference between a friend and a troll, yes there are trolls on dating websites too. Just Hi doesn't get a response. So I may sleep with a man on the second date if I'm extremely intrigued and curious, my philosophy: sort of like a drug dealer giving the first hit for free. However if he wants more it's not free. He has to invest his time in wanting to get to know the true me. Seems most men out there don't want that. Or maybe they are more interested in a skinny blonde who will bait and switch them. Good luck to them! I know my worth, I know what I bring to the table and I'm not afraid to eat alone for the rest of my life. Again for me having my AP helps tremendously with not settling as do all of the people on the forum. Well I agree with 95%. There are men who are willing, looking even to be in a committed relationship. Yes you will find trolls here there and everywhere. That is the nature of life. Please do not group all of us together. You are right do not settle. But this is where the communication comes in. This is were you apply what worked and didn't. This is where you show your growth. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 16, 2016 7:44:44 GMT -5
Caris - so well said about the dating world and dating life. Absolutely first and foremost know yourself and know your requirements, boundaries, know how to communicate both to ask questions, ask lots of questions! And know how to answer those questions. What I find in my forties in the dating world is everyone is looking for just a casual thing. I'm sure there are a lot of women out there that will sleep with a man over and over with him putting forth very little effort. If it weren't for the fact that I'm well taken care of in that Dept by my AP, maybe I would succumb to that too. However bballgirl is no prude she will sleep with a man that she is attracted to both physically and mentally if he shows interest and he asks the right questions to do that, I'd say EP men helped me learn pretty quickly the difference between a friend and a troll, yes there are trolls on dating websites too. Just Hi doesn't get a response. So I may sleep with a man on the second date if I'm extremely intrigued and curious, my philosophy: sort of like a drug dealer giving the first hit for free. However if he wants more it's not free. He has to invest his time in wanting to get to know the true me. Seems most men out there don't want that. Or maybe they are more interested in a skinny blonde who will bait and switch them. Good luck to them! I know my worth, I know what I bring to the table and I'm not afraid to eat alone for the rest of my life. Again for me having my AP helps tremendously with not settling as do all of the people on the forum. Well I agree with 95%. There are men who are willing, looking even to be in a committed relationship. Yes you will find trolls here there and everywhere. That is the nature of life. Please do not group all of us together. You are right do not settle. But this is where the communication comes in. This is were you apply what worked and didn't. This is where you show your growth. Thank you for the wise words. I hope I didn't offend anyone with that EP men statement, That's right there are trolls everywhere and 95% of my experience with men and women was what I consider friendship so I wasn't making a blanket statement just that it exists. Actually I'm thankful it existed there because I learned even from the trolls. There was even one time a woman troll there, we discussed SM she was in one too, discussed diet and nutrition, then she told me she was a lesbian and wanted me to sext with her. I'm thankful to her too because on the dating website I've gotten messages from women too despite the fact my profile says woman seeking male. So I hope I didn't offend anyone I was in no way making a blanket statement and I'm thankful for EP and this forum and all of the people who are part of it. |
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