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Post by DryCreek on Jul 14, 2016 1:51:01 GMT -5
Hmmm. It sounds like his efforts are waning, and you're regaining your perspective...
While a turnaround story would be great, your friend was right. All too often, as outsiders, they have a better grasp of the whole picture than we do. But, of course, that's just because "they don't know our spouse like we do". True - they know them better.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 3:40:59 GMT -5
It's quite common to find refusers scoping bodacious babes, viewing pr0n, picking up hookers, or wanking off. Often they are operating at a single digit emotional age, so their sexuality is more like an organ that never developed, but they have it. Yes, asexuality exists but relatively few people are asexual. What refusers fear or are incapable of is not sex but relationships and intimacy. They may enjoy getting a boner watching a dirty movie, or boinking a pro, or sexting with an online friend. What they can't or won't do is form an intimate emotional connection with you, as two equal human beings. A "relationship" with a refuser is invariably asymmetrical, with them holding the power. They are anything but incompetent. They are virtuosi at arranging their world just how they want it. And that world often includes some rudimentary expression of sexuality, which as far as it goes does not include you.
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Post by baza on Jul 18, 2016 1:53:34 GMT -5
The vibe I'm getting Sister J is that you are in a rather conflicted state.
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Like, had Mr JMX done these things he has recently been doing - but had done them 5 years ago - you would probably never googled sexless marriage.
But now, he is doing what you thought (at one time) you wanted, you are now, in this moment, painfully aware that it ain't enough.
And, you are possibly thinking "I've moved the goalposts on the poor bloke".
And indeed, you HAVE - although for very valid reasons.
He, perhaps now, is where you were 5 years ago in 2011.
But the fact is, it is now 2016.
Your head is in 2016 and looking toward 2017 and onward, his is in 2011 and stalled.
And, it would seem, this advance in his thinking, is the best he's capable of.
That there is no known way that he can attain 2016 thinking and action.
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Feeling for you.
It is a most difficult time.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2016 9:29:08 GMT -5
((hugs))
He doesn't deserve you. Your friend was right - he is not nearly smart enough for you. And one way he's spectacularly dumb is in not realizing how lucky he was to get you.
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