Post by unkakris on Jul 10, 2016 22:40:53 GMT -5
Little history - This has been a year. Hoo boy, has it ever.
Filed Chapter 13 Bankruptcy on my birthday (January 5th) to prevent the foreclosure on our house. Was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes at the end of January. Looked at income vs. outgo and she convinced me to sign up for Real Estate Licence. Well, with our small business (that I do all the work for since she is disabled) and taking care of her, something had to give.
So, I quit playing video games cold turkey in March. What this did was stop late nights, eating too much while playing, drinking while playing, and when bored surfing internet porn late at night.
Then, I decided to really work on my health, walking, yoga, body weight workouts, total removal of White from my diet (flour, sugar, rice, potatoes). Signed up for an obstacle course run to set an external challenge. I dropped weight, clothes are too big, can actually see my dick past my gut for the first time in years.
Most recently, with the dropping of internet porn, and Doing Some Reading Here I am trying to reboot my sexual response.
And it raised a big (insert dick joke here) question.
Did I Create My SM?
Now, I am not saying the issues with her pain, her not communicating, and my fear of hurting her aren't real.
I am not saying that her refusing me is made up or in my mind only. That all happened. And the drifting apart is real, sadly.
But I have begun to wonder which came first, refusal and bed death, or masturbation to salve my pain?
I. Am. Growing. As. Fast. As. I. Can.
There has been a real self awakening this year. And I have always believed that the greatest sin is pride, hubris, believing your own bullshit, smoking your own supply. So call me on my shit, get in my face, teach me.
Am I (I Am) the Refuser?
Filed Chapter 13 Bankruptcy on my birthday (January 5th) to prevent the foreclosure on our house. Was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes at the end of January. Looked at income vs. outgo and she convinced me to sign up for Real Estate Licence. Well, with our small business (that I do all the work for since she is disabled) and taking care of her, something had to give.
So, I quit playing video games cold turkey in March. What this did was stop late nights, eating too much while playing, drinking while playing, and when bored surfing internet porn late at night.
Then, I decided to really work on my health, walking, yoga, body weight workouts, total removal of White from my diet (flour, sugar, rice, potatoes). Signed up for an obstacle course run to set an external challenge. I dropped weight, clothes are too big, can actually see my dick past my gut for the first time in years.
Most recently, with the dropping of internet porn, and Doing Some Reading Here I am trying to reboot my sexual response.
And it raised a big (insert dick joke here) question.
Did I Create My SM?
Now, I am not saying the issues with her pain, her not communicating, and my fear of hurting her aren't real.
I am not saying that her refusing me is made up or in my mind only. That all happened. And the drifting apart is real, sadly.
But I have begun to wonder which came first, refusal and bed death, or masturbation to salve my pain?
I. Am. Growing. As. Fast. As. I. Can.
There has been a real self awakening this year. And I have always believed that the greatest sin is pride, hubris, believing your own bullshit, smoking your own supply. So call me on my shit, get in my face, teach me.
Am I (I Am) the Refuser?
