|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 6, 2016 11:16:14 GMT -5
I really think there is a reason there are clear and defined areas in a house.
My kids know they better not bring food to their bedrooms. We eat downstairs and I prefer them to eat at the table but sometimes we eat on the couch in front of the tv. I think this same principle applies. He has an office.
That would drive me crazy and I'm not OCD at all. I'm so laid back but boundaries are important. I don't bring my work home either.
Also the laundry thing - while I would totally appreciate having a man to do my laundry and heck even the housework, who is he to control what I do in my house. I think I had the opposite problem my ex did nothing around the house but eat and watch tv. I refused to do his laundry though.
In summary I think if two people are living together compromise and communication are key. You need to let him know this isn't working for you and you are not happy. He should want you to be happy. When it gets to the point that they don't then maybe there should be consequences.
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jul 6, 2016 12:42:12 GMT -5
LEXUS46 - first, welcome back! We were sad to see you go. But... as your original post has been removed, I can't offer any meaningful comments.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jul 6, 2016 13:45:03 GMT -5
Bballgirl's comment is gone too? Hope that gets fixed! Welcome back. Sounded like a good subject. Something I can relate to.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 7, 2016 23:02:56 GMT -5
In any relationship, there are strong points (where the spouses are of a mind about a certain subject) and there are weak points (where the spouses are NOT of a mind about certain subjects).
-
Further, there are important subjects (for example, financial responsibility), and there are minor subjects (who's turn it is to take out the trash).
-
In a functional relationship, in the core important subjects, there is bi-partisan agreement on, and in the minor subjects there is negotiated agreement.
-
Closer to home here - the ILIASM home that is - one of the important core subjects is sex.
If there is not bi-partisan agreement that this is an important and core subject, then there is NOT going to be sex in the dynamic.
If that is a core value to you, but not your spouse, that, is pretty much that for this aspect of the marriage.
-
That might be a dealbreaker for some people.
For others, it might be you abandoning sex as being an important core value for you.
-
Your call which.
-
From what I have observed in here, the lack of sex - alone - is seldom "enough" to be a dealbreaker in and of itself.
Usually it is some other major problem, PLUS there is no sex.
Say, financial irresponsibility, PLUS there is not even some compensatory sex.
Or emotional abuse, PLUS no sex.
Or addiction, PLUS no sex.
Or (insert your personal favourite here) PLUS no sex.
|
|
|
|
Post by pfviento on Jul 7, 2016 23:34:51 GMT -5
Hard to walk away from something you have invested time and emotion in. Add to that the complications involved in ending a marriage and it becomes daunting for most people.
I think it ends up taking multiple issues to force somebody to make the tough decision to call it quits.
On the other hand can read very clearly the warnings of some who spent ten or more years hoping for change and never got it.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 8, 2016 3:10:07 GMT -5
I think Brother pfviento is spot on where he says - "I think it ends up taking multiple issues to force somebody to make the tough decision to call it quits."
-
Of all the people I've seen hit the exit in the old ILIASM group, I can't recall a one where it was the lack of sex and only the lack of sex that was the prime reason for leaving.
Invariably it was - "alcohol issues" plus the lack of sex.
"Narcissism" - plus the lack of sex.
"Financial irresponsibility" - plus the lack of sex.
"Abuse" - plus the lack of sex
"Emotional disenfranchisment" - plus the lack of sex.
"Being a prick" - plus the lack of sex.
etc etc - - - - you get the idea.
"insert subject applicable in your situation" - plus the lack of sex.
|
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Nov 9, 2016 18:24:35 GMT -5
LEXUS46This use of the word "current" would seem to imply that you, at least subconsciously, have decided to change your relationship status.
|
|
