If you are now having sex why are you here?

Among ALL the post-SM folks I've interacted with (on EP and here), NOT ONE OF THEM have the SLIGHTEST bit of malicious intent, flaunting their "success" or new-found sex life.

There are many voices from the SM world.
You mention being irked by those who are out of their SM, and having sex.
But note...
... there are some who are still in their SM, but having sex (albeit outside the marriage).
... there are some who have left their SM, but not yet dating or having sex.
Are you irked by those people, too?

It is pretty common that folks who have coped with difficult life situations have wisdom for those still in it.

I value their voices... at least sometimes.  If you don't, I have no problem with that.  But that is not a reason to deprive others the chance to consider their input / experiences, too.

ALL THAT SAID: I actually agree that the voices of "people who are staying on an coping" is sometimes a bit light; at least on EP ILIASM.  I, too, hope anyone in that situation can both provide AND receive support here.

I'll second those who say that hearing good news from escapees makes me feel better. It gives me hope for the future.

I have not started officially dating again just yet. But then, I just lost my job, so I have a good excuse to postpone dating for awhile.

I figure, once I'm working again, I'll join a couple of the free dating websites (no sense wasting good money on practice dating, with guys who probably won't work out anyway.)

I'll do some practice dating for a few months, just so I can get used to dating again. When I feel like I've had enough practice, I'll join one of the good dating websites that you have to pay to join - and start seriously looking for a real partner.

I received a fantastic amount of advice and support from this group during and as I left my SM. I hope to provide any help I can, and it is also an understanding group as we who are in Opposite Land explore our new paths outside of an SM.

Plus, if you have developed friendships in this community, it seems rather cruel to be excluded because you don't meet the criteria of membership.
Honestly, I don't mind because it gives me a little vicarious happiness to know that someone somewhere is getting some from somebody they love.

It's the same way that ex-alcoholics make the best sponsors. They know your pain and what you're going through.

You said it. Some of us *are* damaged. Some of us have terrible self esteem issues about how attractive anyone would find us after constant rejection lasting years and decades. Some of us have grown old and lost our allure, and wouldn't know it if it kissed us in the face. Some of us are still hurting very deeply from the damage, and the sheer loneliness of finding ourselves facing old age, alone. Some of us are still mourning the loss of decades of life, homes, pets, healthcare, and all we knew that was familiar.

Some of us are facing years of healing. They say it takes one-year of healing for each 5-years of a SM. Add mental and emotional cruelty to the mix, and there is a lot of healing to do ... for some of us.

Okay, I can't stand it. I've been wanting to point this out for a long time. This thread is in the "POST Sexless Marriage" category - is it really surprising that people who left their SM are having sex again? Isn't that a huge part of why they left their SM? Talking about your post SM life is the whole point of this category.