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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2016 10:14:38 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 29, 2016 10:38:42 GMT -5
I'd like to say something about that article. When I see the list of articles along side it, that go with it, I get skeptical. Right wing conspiracy, Donald Trumps loosing strategy, Pro Choice victory, etc.....
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Post by obobfla on Jun 29, 2016 11:28:55 GMT -5
Salon does sensationalize, but I sort of get the article's point. What the article sees as narcissism is actually someone's inability to connect or relate with other people. I see it a lot with severely mentally ill people, including my wife. She is so overwhelmed by her illness that she can't see what others want or need. We all have a little bit of that, but those of us who are emotionally healthy can relate to others. My wife and those like her can't.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 29, 2016 13:06:16 GMT -5
The article did a good job of highlighting what a covert narcissistic is and how they act. It also highlights the deplorable quality of writing in today's media.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2016 15:21:37 GMT -5
I scored below 40. Phew! Crisis averted. I'll keep calling myself a sensitive introvert, thank you very much!
Interesting article, SmartKat. I like Salon. I just ignore the sidebars.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2016 19:44:38 GMT -5
Some of the characteristics are not fully fleshed out, as far as the definition/diagnosis, but it does shed light on how insidious narcissism is. It is more prevalent in men, who would be the first to vehemently deny they are narcissists. Interesting info, @smartkat
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Post by samedeepwater on Jun 30, 2016 7:15:53 GMT -5
I never met a personality test I didn't like. I failed. Thankfully. Being an INFJ, some of the questions hit fairly close to home, but I've never wallowed in it, and never took it out on other people, so I think most folks would say I'm pretty ok to be around.  I'll never be the life of the party, but then again, I never aspired to be. And I didn't think the article was too poorly written, despite the author trying too hard to be clever. But what I did appreciate is learning something. My only previous understanding of narcissism was the classic definition. After being on this forum for quite a while, and occasionally reading posts from folks complaining about their spouses narcissistic behaviour, I started to wonder about that. If you were married to someone who was so full of themselves they had no room for anyone else, then no wonder you were unhappy. But it's interesting to find out there is also covert narcissism. Almost sounds like an oxymoron (not to be confused with Oxiclean, which is a whole different thing). |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2016 8:42:05 GMT -5
As I read the article (and did the test - I scored low, thankfully!) I kept being reminded of my good old friend, "Amy" (whom all of you have probably seen me talk about before.)
She only sees events as how they affect her. When somebody hurts her feelings or offends her (and it's so easy to do...) it's a huge fucking big deal. But if the other person has a problem with something she said, she thinks they're being unreasonable.
She insists that her parents were terrible and blames them for the way she turned out. (In fairness to her, I don't know her parents, and she has not told me specifically what they did or how they behaved.)
It's like she's the star of her own show, and everybody else in the world is a supporting actor.
So, yeah, I think she fits. We do not talk nearly as much as we used to, because I started pushing back. I finally got to the point where dealing with her was too much work, trying to walk on eggshells and avoid hurting her feelings or offending her. She used to send me book-length emails every day, describing every little thought and feeling she had; and no matter how I responded, she always found something wrong with it. I finally told her I felt like I'd written an essay and she was a teacher, writing comments on it (stuff like, "but you didn't address this issue...".) And I have to say - I never had an actual teacher criticize my essays as much as she criticized my attempts to help her via email.
So, I started pushing back. She didn't like it. I no longer cared if she liked it or not. Now, since I won't give her what she wants, she doesn't contact me nearly as much. I'm enjoying not having to deal with her. ;-)
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 30, 2016 10:59:27 GMT -5
As I read the article (and did the test - I scored low, thankfully!) I kept being reminded of my good old friend, "Amy" (whom all of you have probably seen me talk about before.) She only sees events as how they affect her. When somebody hurts her feelings or offends her (and it's so easy to do...) it's a huge fucking big deal. But if the other person has a problem with something she said, she thinks they're being unreasonable. She insists that her parents were terrible and blames them for the way she turned out. (In fairness to her, I don't know her parents, and she has not told me specifically what they did or how they behaved.) It's like she's the star of her own show, and everybody else in the world is a supporting actor. So, yeah, I think she fits. We do not talk nearly as much as we used to, because I started pushing back. I finally got to the point where dealing with her was too much work, trying to walk on eggshells and avoid hurting her feelings or offending her. She used to send me book-length emails every day, describing every little thought and feeling she had; and no matter how I responded, she always found something wrong with it. I finally told her I felt like I'd written an essay and she was a teacher, writing comments on it (stuff like, "but you didn't address this issue...".) And I have to say - I never had an actual teacher criticize my essays as much as she criticized my attempts to help her via email. So, I started pushing back. She didn't like it. I no longer cared if she liked it or not. Now, since I won't give her what she wants, she doesn't contact me nearly as much. I'm enjoying not having to deal with her. ;-) Your " friend" sounds like the alcoholic on the street corner that you give money to. You finally realize your not helping them, your hurting them. So you take a different way home to avoid them. |
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Post by darktippedrose on Jun 30, 2016 14:13:13 GMT -5
I got 72. I'm really sensitive and and don't like big groups of people. I'm also shy.
I act assertive when it comes to my responsibilities or when it comes to people invading my personal space
but my record is kind of scary
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2016 14:27:00 GMT -5
Interesting! I scored 69, dangerously close to the high-alert zone. What to do with this knowledge now? Oh well... Fiery, Do you really care if you're a narcissist? I'm a little skeptical about this whole term/diagnosis. If you are a narcissist, you wouldn't care. But, if you're a well adjusted confident woman, you probably wouldn't care either. |
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Post by baza on Jun 30, 2016 21:40:45 GMT -5
Personally, I don't think these issues of narcissism, pa or hypersensitivity are unique to refusers.
Sometimes, the vibe I get off some stories in here (nominally from people who identify as the refused) is that these traits above are present in some refused spouses too.
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Ain't none of us real perfect.
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And in any event, continually taking a spouses inventory is a pretty useless passtime.
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Taking ones own inventory is much more productive.
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Post by unmatched on Jul 1, 2016 2:00:19 GMT -5
My wife identifies with being a sensitive introvert but I think she would hit 20/23 on that scale.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 9:23:54 GMT -5
For those who scored high and are worried, I would just remember the source - this is a Salon article. I think you're OK!! Might be something to keep in check, but definitely, most definitely not even CLOSE to a diagnosis. JMHO
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I'll never be the life of the party, but then again, I never aspired to be.
