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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 6, 2016 10:22:45 GMT -5
I have to repeat something often said by Met on EP, if you have to beg,plead,or debate to get the one you love to be intimate with you then they will never love you the way you desire..That is so very true! When you're with someone that desires you, there's no need to have all these tests, or prerequisites for sex...It all seem so damn draining IMO... Agreed 100%. I am definitely starting to see this first hand after working on it for a year or longer. |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 6, 2016 10:40:00 GMT -5
For me - I miss the personal connection and touching.
And the feeling of being desired.
And yes- it's draining and tiring.
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 6, 2016 13:21:02 GMT -5
But hey- I have you people!  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 8:19:40 GMT -5
Things went well enough long enough to keep you from pulling the plug. Ultimatums are generally a bad idea. Spouses who "try harder" when issued an ultimatum are like the employee who does the bare minimum to keep from getting fired. That's all you're ever going to get, the least possible sexual intimacy that will prevent a divorce. Wherever you set the bar, she will go no higher.
Yup, stay or leave.
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Tonight
Apr 11, 2016 14:15:53 GMT -5
Post by wewbwb on Apr 11, 2016 14:15:53 GMT -5
I guess it depends on what YOU can live with.
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Tonight
Apr 11, 2016 14:32:40 GMT -5
Post by wewbwb on Apr 11, 2016 14:32:40 GMT -5
I have to repeat something often said by Met on EP, if you have to beg,plead,or debate to get the one you love to be intimate with you then they will never love you the way you desire..That is so very true! When you're with someone that desires you, there's no need to have all these tests, or prerequisites for sex...It all seem so damn draining IMO... Isabellas is totally right (or I guess Met since she is quoting that person) - It SHOULDN'T be so hard. |
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Post by Dan on Apr 11, 2016 14:34:25 GMT -5
I worry about my wife as well. I still care for her. I want to see her live a happy and fulfilling life. I worry about her falling into some deep depression over this and not recovering. Its just all so very scary in general. That is my big stumbling block. I have that too, I worry about my husband and how he will be miserable and blame me for that. I am afraid on what he might do. He could be selfdestructive. Add me to this list: some uncanny sense of care and loyalty to my refuser-spouse. By the way, this is a bit more than "just her problem". She is still the mother of my children, two of which are under 18, and other is over but due to maturity issues due to minor mental health problems is not yet self-sufficient. If she drags them down with her [anticipated] depression.... well, that is just another reason for me to carefully consider the timing. |
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Tonight
Apr 11, 2016 14:52:46 GMT -5
Post by wewbwb on Apr 11, 2016 14:52:46 GMT -5
I worry about my wife as well. I still care for her. I want to see her live a happy and fulfilling life. I worry about her falling into some deep depression over this and not recovering. Its just all so very scary in general. That is my big stumbling block. I have that too, I worry about my husband and how he will be miserable and blame me for that. I am afraid on what he might do. He could be selfdestructive. Add me to this list: some uncanny sense of care and loyalty to my refuser-spouse. By the way, this is a bit more than "just her problem". She is still the mother of my children, two of which are under 18, and other is over but due to maturity issues due to minor mental health problems is not yet self-sufficient. If she drags them down with her [anticipated] depression.... well, that is just another reason for me to carefully consider the timing. I know how you feel and what you are going through. It is not easy nor simple. I do not doubt that anyone here doesn't love their spouse - If we didn't the choice is simple - leave. It is exactly because we care and love that makes the choice hard. In my case my W is my best friend - we laugh and joke and share. I wanted a wife however. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 17:28:22 GMT -5
Add me to this list: some uncanny sense of care and loyalty to my refuser-spouse. By the way, this is a bit more than "just her problem". She is still the mother of my children, two of which are under 18, and other is over but due to maturity issues due to minor mental health problems is not yet self-sufficient. If she drags them down with her [anticipated] depression.... well, that is just another reason for me to carefully consider the timing. I know how you feel and what you are going through. It is not easy nor simple. I do not doubt that anyone here doesn't love their spouse - If we didn't the choice is simple - leave. It is exactly because we care and love that makes the choice hard. In my case my W is my best friend - we laugh and joke and share. I wanted a wife however. And my refuser has had physical health problems, and also deals with depression. This is one reason why it took me 3 years to end things with him. The thing is - how long are we supposed to stay there, being supportive, while not getting our own needs met? My guy was still able to go to work and do his job, still able to watch TV, play guitar, play with the cats, read, work on his interminable genealogy project, go to the museum, etc. He could still do all those things, even with his health problems and depression. So why couldn't he do anything sexual with me? Most of our refusers seem to get their own way about almost everything; life is set up to go the way they want. I got to a point where I never asked my guy for *anything* - not money, not his company, not anything - except sex. One damn thing I ever asked him for - to treat me like a desirable woman. And he couldn't or wouldn't do that. |
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 11, 2016 18:42:37 GMT -5
I know how you feel and what you are going through. It is not easy nor simple. I do not doubt that anyone here doesn't love their spouse - If we didn't the choice is simple - leave. It is exactly because we care and love that makes the choice hard. In my case my W is my best friend - we laugh and joke and share. I wanted a wife however. And my refuser has had physical health problems, and also deals with depression. This is one reason why it took me 3 years to end things with him. The thing is - how long are we supposed to stay there, being supportive, while not getting our own needs met? My guy was still able to go to work and do his job, still able to watch TV, play guitar, play with the cats, read, work on his interminable genealogy project, go to the museum, etc. He could still do all those things, even with his health problems and depression. So why couldn't he do anything sexual with me? Most of our refusers seem to get their own way about almost everything; life is set up to go the way they want. I got to a point where I never asked my guy for *anything* - not money, not his company, not anything - except sex. One damn thing I ever asked him for - to treat me like a desirable woman. And he couldn't or wouldn't do that. Agreed! I especially agree with the last part. I'm a really independent guy. I ask for very little. I don't need a cook or a maid. I can take care of myself and most of the time I do. All I really need is someone to love and someone that loves me back in the ways that are meaningful to me Granted, I want her to do her fair share and carry her weight in the relationship, but the only thing I really can't do on my own is provide myself with love. I know I can love myself, and I do, but we all know that that's not really what we're talking about here. At some point you want a partner to love and a partner that loves you back. |
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