Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 4, 2016 1:19:01 GMT -5
Apr 2, 2016 8:27:09 GMT -5 @carissimi said:I am thinking that now I'm on this forum, I can write some experiences that I was never able to share on EP, but remind me...this is private and can't be seen if googled, right? I always have this fear that my ex will somehow find what I write and recognize himself. He is still paying me alimony for the next couple of years, and I don't want to mess that up. I just want some peace in my life, for a change, but back to my main point.
As I thought about writing what happened last fall...I've been carrying that weight around with me since then...I started to tremble and drop things. The truth is, thinking about him, thinking about all that happened upsets me so much that I start to shake. It seems to be a reflex action. It's been suggested that I'm suffering from CPTSD...that's like PTSD for those who have been in abusive relationships. I think I have some thing that's for sure because I cannot function as I once did...previous to 5-years ago.
Maybe I can write later and share those experiences to get them off my chest, so to speak. I am trying to heal from 25-years of abuse...alone...and I hope I can share here with people who are kind and non judgemental. I need a place I can trust, and let me be honest, some people in ILIASM on EP bashed me on EP on some of my posts. They kicked me when I was down. If I'm going to be kicked, I won't share. I've been "kicked" enough...figuratively speaking by my ex...and that's why I feel like a nervous wreck now. I want to feel safe here. I want to be lifted up not kicked. With EP closing, I feel more emotionally fragile than ever, so perhaps only those with kind words will comment on my posts.
I have the exactly same concerns especially since my user name is the pet name my husband has for me. I am considering changing it.
The abuse. I am a survivor of a violent marriage. I was married for four years before I escaped with my son and my life. I know what it is like to be physically, emotionally and psychologically abused. I think that that is how I ended up with my current husband. He is safe. It's also why I'm so afraid to leave. He may not want to make love to me, but I know he will never intentionally do anything to harm me.