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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 10:21:38 GMT -5
Yesterday morning at 7:30 a.m., my lawyer forwarded an email to me from my STBX’s lawyer that included this (edited) statement:
“We wish to take the deposition of your client, Ms. Mountain Runner in late July or early August. It shouldn't take more than a half day.”
What? What could they possibly need to depose me on? The man lived with me for 22 years – he knows everything about me. And thus ensued a few hours of freaking out while waiting to talk to my lawyer.
I spoke with my lawyer yesterday afternoon and found out this interesting and disheartening piece of news – they can ask me anything they want and I have to answer. They don’t even have to prove relevance.
I asked a number of questions:
Can they ask me personal questions? Yes.
Are they just going to rip me apart and attack my character? Oh yes.
Will my answers affect the amount of support I get? No. The amount of support the court will order is based on numbers, particularly at this stage.
Will they be able to ask these same questions in a trial situation? Only if they can prove relevance.
Will we be able to ask questions or make comments during the deposition? Yes.
Will I need to talk about my sexless marriage? An emphatic yes, followed by asking if I was willing to do that to which I responded yes.
What is the legal purpose of this deposition? In my lawyer’s opinion, there is none. Nothing they can ask will change the amount of support I will get since that is determined by factors such as current income and potential income.
So why are they doing this? Again, in my lawyer’s opinion – to harass and bully me, potentially to pressure me into signing a settlement that is not in my best interest.
To sum this all up, it is a colossal waste of time and money aimed solely at frightening me and making me miserable. It serves no practical purpose whatsoever, particularly since there is no custody issue at hand. My STBX is well aware that my family has no money so I have no hidden financial resources so this isn’t even a fishing expedition. And guess what? It’s totally legal for them to harass me this way and there’s not a damn thing my lawyer can do about it other than prepare me well and redirect things during her time to ask questions.
Each one of these actions he takes makes it harder and harder to envision being more than civil in our interactions in the future. Only my extremely good manners are allowing me to even remain civil at this point (he's already called me five times this morning before 8:00 a.m about numerous small issues), although truthfully, I’m not sure if I’m more angry or more hurt. It amazes and saddens me that he’s chosen this path.
I had hoped that our last court date would have been a wake-up call that the judge does not appreciate this type of shenanigans, but it appears that he and his lawyer are impervious to reason and logic.
All I can do it suit up and get ready for this next battle.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 23, 2016 10:45:21 GMT -5
"Dear Douchebag... be advised that I intend to publicly disclose the contents of said deposition. You decide how much of your lack of performance you'd like to have documented."
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Post by JMX on Jun 23, 2016 11:35:15 GMT -5
Geez MR - sounds like this is your opportunity to put it all out there. I know it's not what you wanted, but he is asking for it, begging for it. He probably thinks you wouldn't go there with him! Take lawyer's advice and go there if she sees fit!!!
I will want popcorn for this update!
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Post by obobfla on Jun 23, 2016 11:40:18 GMT -5
Hopefully, you will have a judge who doesn't take kindly to attorneys who waste the court's time.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 12:10:24 GMT -5
@mountainrunner please sure you choose a date when your attorney can be there with you. DO NOT go into the deposition alone. And, yes, legally, megadouchetart has the right to depose you. Conversely, YOU have the right to depose HIM.
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 23, 2016 13:02:39 GMT -5
What??? This guy has declared war on you and you are fielding his stupid phone calls with good manners? Honey, wake up!!! No more Ms. Nice Gal! Tell him he can shove his phone requests up his deposition and go to hell. It doesn't matter if you play nice, he's not and he obviously has a strategy to take advantage of all your generosity. HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 13:42:07 GMT -5
He really wants to give you the chance to make his lack of sexual performance a matter of public record?
Give him what he wants.
This may be a matter of give him enough rope and he'll hang himself. Sadly though, he may know the numbers too, and this all may be nothing more or less than punishment. Play along until he runs out of tactics. Sooner or later he will. If he is spending thousands of dollars just to temporarily make your life miserable, he loses in the long run.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 23, 2016 17:26:33 GMT -5
I am so sorry he is trying to bully you.
It might be a good idea to write a letter as if you are writing to him or just make a lot of talking points in regards to the SM.
I guarantee he does not think you have the courage to call him out on it.
This is your opportunity to set him straight. It's like a poker match and he's bluffing as if he has "a pair" meanwhile you have a royal flush.
So play your hand and put him in his place.
This is your metaphoric billboard to announce to whoever is around to listen in the courtroom exactly the abuse that your husband put you through, how he took you for granted, what is was like to live a celibate life devoid of affection and intimacy and just in general what a prick he is.
Embrace this opportunity and I can't wait to hear what the look on his face is like when you out him on his lack of being a man!!
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Post by baza on Jun 24, 2016 4:32:04 GMT -5
Given that - In your lawyer’s opinion, "there is nothing they can ask will change the amount of support you will get since that is determined by factors such as current income and potential income" - this deposition ain't especially relevant.
Its' main value will be for his lawyer to pad out the process, put on a show for his client, and bill him enthusiastically for this side show.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 24, 2016 6:05:25 GMT -5
Just a side question to all this.how much of "his" money being flushed on the attorney, is actually still " your" money that you would have been entitled to half of? And once it's waisted on legal fees is it gone for good?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2016 11:12:27 GMT -5
*Update* Sooooooo, you won't believe this but yesterday Mr. Megadouchetart (thank you for that one z (aka. Z-kitten)!) texted me and asked if we could get together and talk about a settlement. Hm, really? Talk about suspicious timing. Literally the day the deposition is scheduled, he wants to chat? No thank you. I texted him back to put it in an email and I would look at it when I had a free moment and discuss it with my lawyer. I can't be certain, but it feels to me like he wanted to get me scared and upset and then take advantage of that by trying to get me to agree to whatever his latest idea of "fair" is just to avoid the deposition. But I chose to not be cooperative this time. If he comes up with a settlement my lawyer thinks is fair, awesome. Otherwise, I'll head into that deposition with a clear conscience and let my lawyer give him a little taste of what he and his lawyer have been doing to me. I don't have a need to humiliate him by exposing his sexual inadequacy, but as has been mentioned a few times here already - he opened this door and I'm gonna walk right through it. In hobnail boots. I'm feeling very tough this morning in case you can't tell. greatcoastal At this point he has to use his own separate money to pay for his attorney's fees. If he pursues this, my lawyer will ask for him to cover a portion of my fees as well (that would just be so karmically wonderful I can hardly stand it). A judge is likely to order him to pay part of my fees because of the discrepancy in our incomes and because I am entitled to adequate legal representation. It isn't difficult for the court to see the number of times I was willing to settle only to have him and his lawyer throw another monkey wrench into the works. Greed has already come back to bite him in the butt here - I was willing to sign a settlement that my lawyer really wasn't happy with a long time ago, but he blew it by adding unreasonable demands. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 24, 2016 11:27:47 GMT -5
Yay, @mountainrunner!!
No more Miss Nice. Perfect response!
Unless he's dense, he'll realize that he's lost his ability to manipulate you. He's not calling the shots; he's no longer in control, and that's gonna really eat him.
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Post by deborahmanning on Jun 24, 2016 12:11:54 GMT -5
Called it weeks ago: the bad cop/ good cop routine. Except now you know they are both BAD NEWS with different wrappers. Hooray for kicking it straight over to your attorney! Wonder what he'll do next to try getting under your skin?
I think we need a bingo board.
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Post by unmatched on Jun 24, 2016 14:59:01 GMT -5
What??? This guy has declared war on you and you are fielding his stupid phone calls with good manners? Honey, wake up!!! No more Ms. Nice Gal! Tell him he can shove his phone requests up his deposition and go to hell. It doesn't matter if you play nice, he's not and he obviously has a strategy to take advantage of all your generosity. HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT. Honey, THIS!!!! Why are you still talking to him? He seems to think he can play whatever fucked up games he wants and you will still bend over backwards to help him when he calls. And so far he has been right. I think you should insist on email communication only at this point except for emergencies. Cut him off from what he needs and see how he likes that. Also don't just tell his lawyer about your SM, start gently telling everyone you know! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2016 11:17:50 GMT -5
What??? This guy has declared war on you and you are fielding his stupid phone calls with good manners? Honey, wake up!!! No more Ms. Nice Gal! Tell him he can shove his phone requests up his deposition and go to hell. It doesn't matter if you play nice, he's not and he obviously has a strategy to take advantage of all your generosity. HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT. Honey, THIS!!!! Why are you still talking to him? He seems to think he can play whatever fucked up games he wants and you will still bend over backwards to help him when he calls. And so far he has been right. I think you should insist on email communication only at this point except for emergencies. Cut him off from what he needs and see how he likes that. Also don't just tell his lawyer about your SM, start gently telling everyone you know! I talk to him because of our son. Especially with it being summer, we have to coordinate his care. Otherwise, I really would be able to cut him off and not talk to him at all, but with our son in the middle I want to keep things as civil as possible. Now, I'll admit he calls WAY more than he needs to so I'm trying to rein that in. And I'm slowly getting better at handling him, but it's taking a lot longer than I would have thought. I'm trying to imagine telling everyone that both of us know about my SM. That might open a few eyes! It's tempting, but I'll probably resist. But why? Hm, might need to think about that a bit more. |
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