Too Sensitive? An Official Rant

I just experienced, " twice" my wife's " no" response. Once with me and once with my daughter. Normally my passive, okay response kicks in. Now that I have become aware of it my defensive warrior position is taking affect.
My daughter was showing my wife a swelling in her eye. I entered the room and watched what was happening. ( pay close attention to the words) my wife says" it looks like a sty forming". I said, " it could be conjunctivitis". My wife says " no, that's not it". I clenched my lower lip and said, " let doctor mom handle it" and left the room. I needed to get dinner started. I brewed over it my mind several times while making dinner. I am the optician, I am the one who studied and witnessed eye diseases . Conjunctivitis has to do with blood and swelling above the cornea and below the eyelids.
Just her " no" answer. It makes me think how I communicate. Mostly, " I don't think so, or maybe not, or possibly ,or could be, but maybe" always trying to be polite, fair and sensitive to others. " no" says wrong, incorrect, can not be changed, cold, firm, rude, un-yielding, like flint!

Moments later my same daughter is telling her mom " when are you going to let me rub your back?" Mom says," I've been waiting for you". Daughter says," you said you would tell me when you were ready". Mom says, " no, I said to come get me, so you just need to come ask me".
I intervened and told my wife, " you just said no, you told her that's not what you said,so one of you is lying". Meaning, she either said it or she didn't. The same goes for you ,you either said it or you didn't one is right, and one is wrong. One speaks the truth, the other is a lie. This really gets her. She avoids this big time. Something about the word lying. She, again avoided the whole thing, and told our daughter, we will do it later.

I said to her," you need to listen to your own words, the way you immediately say no, and then avoid the whole thing". Her response? Silence.

I don't think that's being too sensitive at all. In fact I am going to continue to cross that bridge when I come to it, as the saying goes.
It's another way of learning not to yield your heart- in this case, to worry and fretting.

Yea! For you brother Baza! I do the same thing. My first experiment was a sunset beach walk on New Year's Eve about five years ago. He said no. He thought I would drop the subject, but I got into my car and went alone. It was pitch dark by the time I had walked the mile down the beach and climbed up the bluff onto the trail through the reserve. He was calling me in a panic that I was on a trail in the dark all alone. Actually there were about 100 other people and families doing the same thing, so I was safe. Now when I tell him I'm going for an evening walk on the beach and invite him to join me, he drops everything and comes along. He grumbles and lags, but that's his problem.

Next step, line dancing at a country and western club!

Wow, this sounds incredibly familiar.  So your wife is telling your daughter with conjunctivitis that it is your daughter's job to come ask her mother when exactly she will have the great honor to do her a favor by rubbing her back?

It sounds to me like your wife has become quite adept at manipulating her daughter to not only do her favors, but to also feel bad about not doing them when she wants them done. 

My wife was also a master at this kind of manipulation.  Anytime anyone is trying to help her, she would tell them that it is not being done correctly, or not in the time frame she wants.  In doing this, she was always able to keep others off balance, and still striving to make sure that they would always keep on making efforts to please her. 

I am reminded of an incident back in 2009.  My wife had been saying for years that she wanted a new car, and she told me exactly what she wanted, down to all the features and the color.  Well, when she was gone visiting her mother, I bought her exactly what she wanted.  She was extremely upset and angry because she did not get to pick it out.  She complained continually.  After a few years, she was saying that the next time she got a car, SHE was going to pick it out.  I told her that was fine and she could pay for it as well.  I had never done that before, but it sure shut her up about the car.

That is very possible.  But frankly, I got really tired of trying to do whatever she asked and then being told that I was wrong.

Being very sensitive has been both a curse sexually and the secret to my success caree-wise. Sexually I become riddled with subconscious sexual anxiety after I've been with a woman more than a couple of times apparently (according to my therapists) because of abuse suffered in childhood combined with an overly sensitive nature. In my career as an artist it allows me to feel and "see" the world around me differently than most people and so my artistic interpretation of life is considered to be quite brilliant by others and this in turn has allowed me to become financially successful. But suffering from sexual dysfunction, the severity of which is in direct correlation with how deeply I feel for my partner has made any kind of ongoing sexual relationship impossible. It has been a very high price to pay for career success.

This is difficult question because being over sensitive without insight or understanding intentions (bad humor, mis spoke etc) could be narcissistic. But I think this topic has nothing to do with this at all, we just see it is an ploy our spouses use when we try to broach the subject of sexless marriage by going on the offensives and call us "oversensitive"

Yes, I'm told with wide eyes that I'm crazy or he does that teenagers talking to mom eye roll thing. I can't stand it so I talk less and less.