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Post by toughtiger on Sept 7, 2024 16:44:28 GMT -5
I spoke up for the millionth time about needing any sort of intimacy ..... his idea buy things .... replace the couch with love seat and we can hold hands seriously. Yep after almost 3 years sexless... holding hands will fix this....i might orgasm at the thought .....lmao
I told him whatever ... buy one.... buy fifteen.... change all the furniture...........holding hands is not going to be enough.
HE wants to eat out as much as possible so i "do not need to cook" and perhaps we both can gain so much weight will not even think of sex ever again .....seriously bringing home cakes deserts and candy as a gift .... it is disgusting i gave most all away.
I asked to get carpet professionally cleaned he says " lets rip it out .... and replace" until I showed him the cost.and carpet is not that old.
ALL of this is his way of "making me happy " ....
i can survive and be OK .... but him thinking stuff like this........ excuses his refusal to touch me / hug me or kiss me is insulting.
This false display only makes me think more about what i am missing and how little he cares.
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 8, 2024 17:57:44 GMT -5
only three things needed in relationships....
attention- affection - and appreciation seriously not that hard.... yet so many seem to think this is our fault.
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 9, 2024 5:03:30 GMT -5
"This gave me insight ... and now i see somethings i can do ..
i will no longer play the back and forth game of disappointment ...but instead deal on a different level... instead of assuming he "forgets" or is purposefully pissing me off...instead I calm down ...
then i tell him " I see this is the BEST you can do .........no matter how disappointed I am... i feel sorry this is your best effort"
i feel better afterwards ...and he has had to re-evaluate and now effort shows up .... it was freeing"
--ToughTiger 7/4/24
Old habits coming back?
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 15, 2024 22:48:34 GMT -5
Well i decided to try to make the best of a situation beyond my control ... I know a fools errand ......but as people around me simply are not supportive and think my not being happy and i am being petty... they feel i should be more accepting .... of his flaws saying he has always been an issue.... because they do not see it as close as i do..... we as sexless spouses do... that acting like the happy spouse is NOT enough.... they may have issues but there is or should be a limit to have to take of being disrespected. the pretending to give a shit is condescending. boss wants me to make up cause i will move if divorcing and he will be out of his assistant. .....he hates trying to hire last person he liked stayed 19 years lol. Our kids ( in their 30's) want me to just suck it up cause they will need to give a crap about him as he ages...and no one wants or is willing to take care of him. Daughter and family live in our original home and if i moved back they would move or how long will we co live without being in each others way. NO one cares what I NEED .... my online friend now is afraid i will leave spouse..... because he won't leave her.... a affair is all he offers...hundreds of miles away. so old habits are coming back as you point out. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 16, 2024 7:20:55 GMT -5
NO one cares what I NEED .... my online friend now is afraid i will leave spouse..... because he won't leave her.... a affair is all he offers...hundreds of miles away. Your sticking to an online friend hundreds of miles away , I don't get it. When i wrote about women (who were many miles away), on dating sites seeming to prefer me, while local females avoided me, Apocrypha voiced that it was because being far apart enabled them to avoid potentially meeting and actually having a relationship that included personal contact and intimacy. I could never get my head around that, I still can't. If you are really interested in a potential relationship with a male outside the marriage, there must be plenty of males closer to you,(unless like me you live in the boonies) that should be decent catches. Are you just interested in sexting or perhaps a virtual online relationship? This inquiring mind is still having problems grasping that preference in women. |
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 17, 2024 8:35:35 GMT -5
Your sticking to an online friend hundreds of miles away , I don't get it. When i wrote about women (who were many miles away), on dating sites sites seeming to prefer me, while local females avoided me, Apocrypha voiced that it was because being far apart enabled them to avoid potentially meeting and actually having a relationship that included personal contact and intimacy. I could never get my head around that, I still can't. If you are really intersted in a potential relationship with a male outside the marriage there must be plenty of males closer to you( unless like me you live in the boonies) that should be desent catches. Are you just interested in sexting or perhaps a virtual online relationship? This inquiring mind is still having problems grasphing that preferance in women. i made a connection in emotional level ....hard if not impossible to find someone close for hook up when i feel as i do about my online love. ...... we have several video meetings ... not ideal but we support each other as he is in a unhappy only occasional starfish with wife. I have been on meeting when she literally screeched at him about trivial things but we can put up with a lot knowing we have someone who gives a hoot and supports each other. |
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Post by lonelytiger on Sept 17, 2024 9:32:36 GMT -5
I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm tired of my wife agreeing to and saying she will do things just to excite me but when the time comes she either finds an excuse or the latest is when she said she would do oral when I got ready for it she started tearing up and made me feel guilty. Trying other very basic things she complained the whole time and it just about ruined the mood. Starfish it was to finish the night.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 17, 2024 15:31:42 GMT -5
Your sticking to an online friend hundreds of miles away , I don't get it. When i wrote about women (who were many miles away), on dating sites sites seeming to prefer me, while local females avoided me, Apocrypha voiced that it was because being far apart enabled them to avoid potentially meeting and actually having a relationship that included personal contact and intimacy. I could never get my head around that, I still can't. If you are really intersted in a potential relationship with a male outside the marriage there must be plenty of males closer to you( unless like me you live in the boonies) that should be desent catches. Are you just interested in sexting or perhaps a virtual online relationship? This inquiring mind is still having problems grasphing that preferance in women. i made a connection in emotional level ....hard if not impossible to find someone close for hook up when i feel as i do about my online love. ...... we have several video meetings ... not ideal but we support each other as he is in a unhappy only occasional starfish with wife. I have been on meeting when she literally screeched at him about trivial things but we can put up with a lot knowing we have someone who gives a hoot and supports each other. Sounds like a " pen pal friend". I have one of those who lives 1500 miles away, we text or talk almost daily! There's nothing wrong with that! It can be a good thing. But is it enough? ( I can only imagine what it will be like, the day we meet face to face) Is it the same as spending an entire day with someone? That's when you really learn more about the other person, ( and yourself) what you will tolerate, what your boundaries are,your needs and desires, how much they fill them, how well you communicate through your ACTIONS not just words. Sounds like you need some 'hands on' ( pun intended) experiences. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 18, 2024 10:33:34 GMT -5
... Apocrypha voiced that it was because being far apart enabled them to avoid potentially meeting and actually having a relationship that included personal contact and intimacy. I could never get my head around that, I still can't. If you are really interested in a potential relationship with a male outside the marriage there must be plenty of males closer to you( unless like me you live in the boonies) that should be decent catches. Are you just interested in sexting or perhaps a virtual online relationship? This inquiring mind is still having problems grasping that preference in women. i made a connection in emotional level ... Feeling attractive and sexy is all some women need from a fella. Lots of SMs provide that. If they manage it properly, they might have a friend zone buddy, feeding her unrequited love for extended duration. Jackpot. Not saying that's ToughTiger's intent. Just notable that the emotional connection is preventing a physical one. It demonstrates the relative importance of each. YMMV. |
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 19, 2024 21:19:56 GMT -5
My spouse will never be able to have sex again his heart medication killed any prospect.
I feel mad/ disappointed /and frankly disrespected ....... it was never about a medical issue it started to fade tears ago. IT was I was never considered never talked to explained etc.... instead he made me feel it was my fault .... zero talk about what else we could do or if I had any needs at all....
when i spoke up he does everything in his power to make me feel inadequate in every single way. now he complains about every thing.
I met an online friend and he makes me feel great we have video meets and lay naked and have pillow talk after taking care of ourselves we want to meet but long distance away.
he suggested i find someone close to give me a real experience and the intimacy i deserve ... but i feel like i could never see someone else when thinking about him ... sad that i had never felt guilty or wrong when i think of my spouse.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 20, 2024 6:32:44 GMT -5
but i feel like i could never see someone else when thinking about him ... Feelings. A big difference between men and women. You're letting your feelings get in the way. I get it.... and so do other women who post multiple videos about it. They all circle back to " you have to overcome those feelings, put them aside, and do the work. Actions." Like he suggested, go find a man in your area. Those 'feelings' are going to quickly dissolve and be replaced with other, more stronger ' feelings' of the hear and now when you're actually , physically in the presence ( arms) of another man. A true friend ( who also has your best interest at heart) is going to encourage this and understand it. That's what me and my " distant 'pen pal'" have been helping each other with for years! As a matter of fact... that's what I'm doing for you, right now! Giving you my time, showing you compassion, over the internet...being a " pen pal". And encouraging you to take action, and report back about your new wonderful, life changing, sexual experiences with someone else! I ' recieve' gratification by knowing that i'm able to help someone else. Like others have done for me! |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Sept 26, 2024 4:56:09 GMT -5
You deserve to be Happy... Doesn't matter what others say. They don't live in your house. There is always a way out. There will have good and bad days. Mine have mostly been good. I'm still legally married. Almost 4 months separated. It has been peaceful. I see my kids whenever I want. My youngest is 15. Oldest is 19 and living on her own. Wife is still bitter and hateful. I don't have to deal with her rollercoaster of emotions anymore. I am very patient and probably too patient with her. But at the end of the day I don't have to deal with it. I'm staying with my sister till everything is ironed out. I want my home but being gone for 4 months and her changing her mind every week of what she wants and being pissed I'm not going to be her bank anymore. I'm now ok without the house if it needs to be that way.
I'm now in the mindset of whatever happens happens. I'll be free of her. I'm a survivor and I will be fine with whatever is thrown at me. I will make it work no matter what. I'm free to see and talk to whoever I want.
Go get your happiness. It's worth it. 😉
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 26, 2024 10:56:17 GMT -5
I spoke up for the millionth time about needing any sort of intimacy ..... his idea buy things .... replace the couch with love seat and we can hold hands seriously. Yep after almost 3 years sexless... holding hands will fix this....i might orgasm at the thought .....lmao I told him whatever ... buy one.... buy fifteen.... change all the furniture...........holding hands is not going to be enough. HE wants to eat out as much as possible so i "do not need to cook" and perhaps we both can gain so much weight will not even think of sex ever again .....seriously bringing home cakes deserts and candy as a gift .... it is disgusting i gave most all away. I asked to get carpet professionally cleaned he says " lets rip it out .... and replace" until I showed him the cost.and carpet is not that old. ALL of this is his way of "making me happy " .... i can survive and be OK .... but him thinking stuff like this........ excuses his refusal to touch me / hug me or kiss me is insulting. This false display only makes me think more about what i am missing and how little he cares. This post reminded me of another member....mslowmaintenance....She had a H that constantly refused her oral sex, something she desperately wanted. Finally she ventured outside the marriage and found a partner that enjoyed doing that with her. Needless to say, she was very happy. She eventually informed her H. He quickly changed his attitude and began pleasuring her orally. Last I heard from her she was very satisfied with her H taking care of her needs. You might want to read some of her posts. |
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Post by lonelytiger on Oct 26, 2024 20:35:26 GMT -5
I spoke up for the millionth time about needing any sort of intimacy ..... his idea buy things .... replace the couch with love seat and we can hold hands seriously. Yep after almost 3 years sexless... holding hands will fix this....i might orgasm at the thought .....lmao I told him whatever ... buy one.... buy fifteen.... change all the furniture...........holding hands is not going to be enough. HE wants to eat out as much as possible so i "do not need to cook" and perhaps we both can gain so much weight will not even think of sex ever again .....seriously bringing home cakes deserts and candy as a gift .... it is disgusting i gave most all away. I asked to get carpet professionally cleaned he says " lets rip it out .... and replace" until I showed him the cost.and carpet is not that old. ALL of this is his way of "making me happy " .... i can survive and be OK .... but him thinking stuff like this........ excuses his refusal to touch me / hug me or kiss me is insulting. This false display only makes me think more about what i am missing and how little he cares. This post reminded me of another member....mslowmaintenance....She had a H that constantly refused her oral sex, something she desperately wanted. Finally she ventured outside the marriage and found a partner that enjoyed doing that with her. Needless to say, she was very happy. She eventually informed her H. He quickly changed his attitude and began pleasuring her orally. Last I heard from her she was very satisfied with her H taking care of her needs. You might want to read some of her posts. I would look into doing this so that I get the oral sex I crave but my wife has already said if I ever do that it's over, and it wasn't me that even brought it up. My wife is for sure a gatekeeper when I comes to anything sex related. We have it when she wants it but when I want it it's a no or I'm being told I'm ruining it because I want it often. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 27, 2024 11:50:52 GMT -5
I would look into doing this so that I get the oral sex I crave but my wife has already said if I ever do that it's over, and it wasn't me that even brought it up. My wife is for sure a gatekeeper when I comes to anything sex related. We have it when she wants it but when I want it it's a no or I'm being told I'm ruining it because I want it often. If I heard my X say it once I heard it 20 times. When I tried to initiate a bit of PIV with her, she often responded, "that's all you ever think about". It wasn't all I ever thought about, but I did think about it quite often. Toward the end she started doing something I came to resent. It made me feel like I was just being used. She would interrupt what I was doing by announcing she was "in the mood", and expect me to show up post haste, boner leading the way. Not very romantic. |
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