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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 17, 2016 14:36:37 GMT -5
I booked a night time shark fishing/dinner cruise for myself and half the kids. Who cares what the wife says. Should be a full moon too. Calm waters in the Atlantic recently.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2016 14:43:23 GMT -5
I booked a night time shark fishing/dinner cruise for myself and half the kids. Who cares what the wife says. Should be a full moon too. Calm waters in the Atlantic recently. STOP. RIGHT NOW. Time to learn how to reframe your thoughts/speech. Instead of what you said, try this on for size: "I'm celebrating Father's Day with my kids on a night time shark fishing/dinner cruise! We're going to have a great time! I plan to take lots of pictures and enjoy my awesome kids!" |
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Post by wewbwb on Jun 17, 2016 15:19:20 GMT -5
The only thing I can add to this thread is this:
If you REALLY want to communicate to your W how you feel without an argument or P/A rearing it's head, write her a letter.
It will give you time to reflect on what you want to say and what you are feeling.
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Post by obobfla on Jun 17, 2016 15:38:47 GMT -5
Father's Day is a wonderful holiday. It celebrates the fact that I had sex with a woman and helped make a baby. Now, she carried that kid around for nine months and went through a lot of pain, so I do not begrudge her Mother's Day. But Father's Day is the day I spend with my son doing what the hell we please. He is looking forward to it as I am. Even with our differences, my wife is looking forward to it.
One of my biggest pet peeves are people who use children as weapons in the wars with their current or ex spouses. No matter what differences I have with my wife, she gave me the most precious gift I have ever received - my son. I will be forever grateful for that, and I will do everything to help her relationship with her son. I will correct him when he is disrespectful to her. I believe she will do the same for me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 17, 2016 21:36:57 GMT -5
GC: please give this letter to your children.
Dear children of GC,
You are teenagers, heading toward young adulthood. I suspect your parents have been teaching you all along how to do things to take care of yourselves; it is their job to teach you to how to eat healthy, manage your money, keep your body and environs clean. They don't do this for them, they do this for YOU. YOU need these skill to make it in the world. You have viewed these things as "mom and dad's rules", but they are simply realities of the world itself.
Hopefully, you have most of these basics down pat... because there is more you need to learn. You need to learn that others need you, too. You have to take care of your family. Tease your siblings a bit if you must, but love them, help them. And: love and help your parents, too.
As you were growing up, your parents have probably helped you celebrate friends birthdays by driving you to the party, and even purchasing a present for you to give them. You didn't know it, but you should have been learning from this: one way you honor/celebrate your friends on special days is doing and/or giving them something thoughtful.
You are old enough to start doing this yourself. Next birthday party you are invited to, use some of your money -- not your parents money -- to buy them a gift. Don't have a lot of money? Buy what you can afford, just make it special -- something you know they will like (however small) will show you like/appreciate them. Don't have the dough? Do something nice for them instead.
It is quite possible your parents have helped you commemorate Mother's Day or Father's Day in the past by buying you a card to sign and give to the other parent. And/or a gift, and/or planning and doing something nice. But -- look -- you are old enough to do this on your own now. It is not your dad's responsibility to do something nice for YOUR MOTHER. After all, she is not *his* mother! That falls on you.
Hint: Father's Day is coming up. Your dad does TONS for you. What are you going to do for your dad to show him how much love and care you have for him?
Your mom wants to spend the day with her father as a gesture of his care for him. Great. Let her. You should focus on YOUR DAD.
At a minimum: cook for him and clean up the kitchen when you are done. (This probably doesn't cost anything, as he probably already has the food in the house.) Or, if you have the money, you can take him out. Or maybe a simple breakfast (just cereal) and take him out to the park or a movie. You know him better than I do; please, discuss it with your siblings and DO SOMETHING.
Even if she has done it in the past, this is NOT your mother's job to marshal you to do this thing for your father; after all, your father is not her father.
If you haven't planned anything yet, get cracking. You've got 36 hours. Pool your brains, pool your cash, do something nice. If you don't normally "work together well", well, try at least doing that. Even that will be a gift to him.
Cordially,
A friend of your father
Thank you Dan!!! That's one of the nicest things someone has done for ME, in a long time! Just a a few parts of that might bring up questions especially if they showed it to their mother. For me, it's perfect! I have printed it and will keep it in my journal. thanks again! |
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Post by SweepyBear on Jun 17, 2016 22:58:33 GMT -5
I'm happy with a hug from my kids tbh, they know full well all I do for them, but being 20, they don't often say it  . Anyway, I bought myself a new guitar for Fathers Day, so all is well with the world |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 7:04:41 GMT -5
greatcoastal, you've gotten great advice here. I wish you an awesome Father's Day and hope that for the day, you are able to put your W out of your mind and focus on what a great dad you are and all the love you have shared with your kids over the years, and they with you. Do not, for one second, let her take that away from you! Celebrate YOU!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 18, 2016 7:20:54 GMT -5
greatcoastal , you've gotten great advice here. I wish you an awesome Father's Day and hope that for the day, you are able to put your W out of your mind and focus on what a great dad you are and all the love you have shared with your kids over the years, and they with you. Do not, for one second, let her take that away from you! Celebrate YOU! Thank you dear!! Those are my plans this year. Last night my wife told me, no asking or confirming, what time we were leaving. I calmly said, " I would rather not go, you and your dad go and have a good time. I'll be mowing lawns." She responds with an " oh, okay". we have a Sat. Evening of boating fishing, dinner, lots of pictures. Sun. I love my new church crowd, my daughter will be with me, (two of my sons will be working) I will take the rest and go see the movie "finding Dory" then dinner at the steak house. If I have the strength it should be a good evening with my daughters to go watch sea turtles lay their eggs. Fun things for me and the kids to remember! |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 18, 2016 8:31:57 GMT -5
GC, it seems to me that you are creating a lot of pain for yourself by still having a foot in both camps. If, as you say, your marriage is dead and you are out of there in a few months, then stop torturing yourself and your wife with thoughts of what she should or shouldn't be doing if you had a decent marriage, and start acting like a single parent who is trying to build the life he wants for himself. If you still have hopes of saving it then tell your wife exactly how you feel and see if you can work things out. It is being stuck in between that is causing a significant part of your misery.
Just my 2c - I hope you have a great weekend.
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. Anyway, I bought myself a new guitar for Fathers Day, so all is well with the world 
