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Post by lonelyhubby on Jul 23, 2024 10:12:46 GMT -5
...about sexual shut down and how to address it.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 29, 2024 4:12:00 GMT -5
Interesting. I wonder what success rates they have, and what they consider a success. My ex shari never would have put up with this, as she never would have gone to a counselor that wasn't going to tell her what confirmed her views.
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Post by lonelytiger on Aug 13, 2024 21:44:24 GMT -5
My wife refuses to go see a counselor or go to marriage counseling or sex therapy with me but oh she insists I see a counselor on my own which I have been doing. My eyes are being opened up to me being too codependent on her and not putting my feelings and emotions first at times. The counselor I see is a lady and she is baffled why I put up with the sexlessness in my marriage.
The lastest from the discussions with my wife is she doesn’t find anyone sexually attractive including me. She finds me physically attractive but nothing and no one she sees or thinks about will turn her on. The only way she might possibly get in the mood is if she reads a smut novel.
I’ve given up on her seeing a therapist or us seeing a sex therapist. I’m also done talking with her about it. If we weren’t in such a financial bind I would seriously think more on leaving. As it stands now though we’d both have to file for bankruptcy and lose everything if we were to split now.
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m76
Full Member
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Posts: 377
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Post by m76 on Aug 14, 2024 21:03:23 GMT -5
My wife refuses to go see a counselor or go to marriage counseling or sex therapy with me but oh she insists I see a counselor on my own which I have been doing. My eyes are being opened up to me being too codependent on her and not putting my feelings and emotions first at times. The counselor I see is a lady and she is baffled why I put up with the sexlessness in my marriage. The lastest from the discussions with my wife is she doesn’t find anyone sexually attractive including me. She finds me physically attractive but nothing and no one she sees or thinks about will turn her on. The only way she might possibly get in the mood is if she reads a smut novel. I’ve given up on her seeing a therapist or us seeing a sex therapist. I’m also done talking with her about it. If we weren’t in such a financial bind I would seriously think more on leaving. As it stands now though we’d both have to file for bankruptcy and lose everything if we were to split now. Before I started my couples counciling I did see a therapist on my own. With no prospects for any improvement in the relationship with my wife, my therapist basically said I should leave for my own mental health. Before I could leave I had to make sure I tried everything and we started couples counciling where things have slowly gotten more tolerable. But I wouldn't say either of us is perfectly happy. So as said by previous members, an individual therapist gives tools and advise that's best for you while a couples therapist is primarily concerned with preserving the relationship even if that means one person's needs are not met.
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 19, 2024 7:20:49 GMT -5
we’d both have to file for bankruptcy and lose everything if we were to split now. Just askin'. If you were to split now and you'd have to file bankruptcy, doesn't that pretty much say you have nothing? In fact, less than nothing? Bankruptcy would make you flat broke instead of in unmanageable debt. I may be misunderstanding, but you seem to be arguing a "pro" for splitting up, not a "con". Is this another situation where "We'd lose the house that the bank owns and we have a scrap of equity in and we won't pay off until 40 years unless one of us loses our job in which case foreclosure is a sure thing."? Seems a paltry prize for the purgatory you live each day. Or, I'm wrong.
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Post by lonelytiger on Aug 19, 2024 11:39:05 GMT -5
I have to think of my kids first and foremost. That would devastate them big time.
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Post by lonelyhubby on Aug 19, 2024 15:20:18 GMT -5
I am almost ready to commit to living in a carboard box instead of like her roommate any longer - seriously.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Aug 20, 2024 6:36:19 GMT -5
I am almost ready to commit to living in a carboard box instead of like her roommate any longer - seriously. Happiness trumps money. I was a stay at home mom for 11 yrs. I went back to work knowing I was probably going to leave. We were not wealthy but he made 3x what I did..I worked my way up and made the gap smaller. I put us in debt counseling 5 years later most debt was gone. I saved up 6k which we split. I moved into a one bedroom apt. I loved it . I made it on just my income for 2 years before moving in with a man. I will tell you tight money wise but coming home to peace was worth it! I enjoyed every minute of it. 7 years later my only regret is the time I wasted.
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