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Post by lonelyhubby on Jun 13, 2024 8:44:31 GMT -5
I know - wishful thinking...
"You have a thought you'd like to share with your spouse. You want to see what they think, you want to say what you think, you want to discuss this topic because you've been thinking about it a lot.
They are not interested in talking, they don't even want to listen, their mad you keep trying, and on top of that they will divorce you if you go talk to someone else because they didn't want to talk... Your need for connection was dismissed, and you are forbidden from doing anything besides talking to yourself...."
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Post by toughtiger on Jun 13, 2024 8:58:23 GMT -5
I think it is a case by case basis but the last "talk" I had with spouse i did tell him straight out ....... i can not talk to him so for intellectual and emotional needs met elsewhere .... told him how i really felt about HIS decision about no sex for Both of us...
when you get through and sometimes it has to be Blunt and maybe a bit mean ... it is their choice in how to deal with it....
my spouse has tried to be more conversational and do things he Thinks i want.....i used to fall for the effort but now it means nothing... too little too late .. i do not think sugar coating and talk talk talk helps....... calling them straight out and telling them you are no longer pretending things are OK the ball is in their court.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 13, 2024 9:56:42 GMT -5
It seems you are looking at the gereatric version of the old teenage "silent treatment". It never worked on me in my youth and such an approach would not work in my latter years. Seems to me you need to call her out on this BS. If she is so petty as to threaten you with a divorce if you talk with someone else, you should reply that you are about 2 minutes away from kicking her sorry a** to the curb. I expect you are referring to talking about your SM. Perhaps you want to discuss having a FWB. If she is adament about not talking about it, but you have unresolved feelings then by all means, talk about them with someone else. Find a therapist or counselor. If that isn't an option (it wasn't for me due to distance ) then talk with a relative, or better yet, one of her relatives. Don't be afraid to embarass her to her family. You might be surprised how they act when they learn this about their sibling, and how she refuses to at least talk about what is fueling the issue.
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Post by lonelyhubby on Jun 13, 2024 10:13:48 GMT -5
it's more of an analogy to compare to her use of sex / physical affection. just replaced talking instead of sex
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 13, 2024 14:28:46 GMT -5
it's more of an analogy to compare to her use of sex / physical affection. just replaced talking instead of sex I don't get what you are saying....
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Post by lonelyhubby on Jun 13, 2024 19:15:11 GMT -5
"You have a thought (sex) you'd like to share with your spouse. You want to see what they think (sex), you want to say what you think (have sex), you want to discuss (have sex) this topic because you've been thinking about it a lot.
They are not interested in talking (sex), they don't even want to listen (have sex), they're mad you keep trying (to have sex), and on top of that they will divorce you if you go talk (have sex) with someone else because they didn't want to talk (have sex)... Your need for connection was dismissed, and you are forbidden from doing anything besides talking (masturbating) to yourself...."
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Missingout
Full Member
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Posts: 243
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Jun 14, 2024 4:44:26 GMT -5
"You have a thought (sex) you'd like to share with your spouse. You want to see what they think (sex), you want to say what you think (have sex), you want to discuss (have sex) this topic because you've been thinking about it a lot. They are not interested in talking (sex), they don't even want to listen (have sex), they're mad you keep trying (to have sex), and on top of that they will divorce you if you go talk (have sex) with someone else because they didn't want to talk (have sex)... Your need for connection was dismissed, and you are forbidden from doing anything besides talking (masturbating) to yourself...." Yep. That's how my conversations go. Even worse. Hey let's go out tonight. What she hears oh damn he wants sex. She refuses. Me: hey want a massage? Dam he wants sex. She says no Me: grabbing her ass and spinning her around to lay a good kiss on her. Her:Damm he wants sex. I didn't take my estrogen 🤣 I'm done and out.hope there is someone out there for me that enjoys this attention and then some.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 14, 2024 5:35:47 GMT -5
This is Dr PsychMom stuff, totally. She compares women's need for verbal intercourse to men's desire for sex allatime.
"they will divorce you if you go talk to someone else because they didn't want to talk."
That's cra-cra control freak shit right there. Yet we put it in our vows. Nice comparison.
Why do we marry again? Someone remind me?
I mean, I've done okay, but gaddam she will be my last wife, one way or another.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 14, 2024 5:47:01 GMT -5
"You have a thought (sex) you'd like to share with your spouse. You want to see what they think (sex), you want to say what you think (have sex), you want to discuss (have sex) this topic because you've been thinking about it a lot. They are not interested in talking (sex), they don't even want to listen (have sex), they're mad you keep trying (to have sex), and on top of that they will divorce you if you go talk (have sex) with someone else because they didn't want to talk (have sex)... Your need for connection was dismissed, and you are forbidden from doing anything besides talking (masturbating) to yourself...." My now X tried to put an end to my efforts to engage with her about the lack of intimacy in our marriage. She said more than once, " that's all you think about". It wasn't all I though about, but I did think about it a lot, because I wasn't getting much in the way of intimacy. And that is how I addressed her verbal complaint about my complaints. If we were having sex more frequently then there would not be a need to talk about it so often. And finally I suggested a FWB for me so she would not be burduned with that unpleasant task any longer. She vetoed that compromise and resumed the intimacy for a short period, but eventually that collapsed and then we seperated and divorced. As for your particuliar delema, it seems we are back again to the old 3 choices. Stay and figure out a way to accept your situation as is. Out source, with or without her knownedge and consent. Or seperate and divorce. You seem to have defaulted to the staying option for now so you will have to either button your lips when it comes to talking about sex or ignore her threats and find someone else to talk with about your intimacy problems. You can of coarse continue to vent here until such time as you meet a live person with whom you can share your frustrations.
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