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Post by unmatched on Apr 3, 2016 18:26:13 GMT -5
tmd, do you have a new exit timeframe? It's got to suck when you have unforeseen goblins pop up and throw your plan off track. Mine is very straightforward. Other than emotionally provocative, my announcement will not have any residual fallout besides mediation on finances. I apologize. I crafted a response last night, and I must keep hitting the wrong buttons because my posts aren't showing up. I'll try again now. I told him that I wanted to separate last July. My exit plan, however, was faulty once I started to execute it. So i curled up in a ball, and sulked for a while. ((Kidding)) I realized soon that the key is for me to get a job, so that I can pay for a rental, and pay off some of our debt. He Works out of town every week, flies out and flies back in. This complicates our custody arrangement because he's only home for three days every week. And I don't feel that I should be the one who gets the business of driving the kids around to all of their activities every week, and stressing about homework in between, and then he comes home and gets to be fun daddy on the weekend with a lot less responsibility and stress. I would also like to share the weekends. So, my plan is to "bird nest," which means to share the house and kids stay put, and the parent who doesn't have custody stays elsewhere. What that means for us, with his job, is that we could share a rental for the non-custodial days. The economic climate we currently live in is pretty tenuous. The company the roommate works for laid off 400 staff and over 1000 contractors just this past year. His current position is safe, for now. But with that slight uncertainty, it's best for him to keep his job. And I'll get a job to offset the extra costs, and the recession proof our family. As the separation progresses, and if things began to change, we can alter the living arrangements. But for now it's a good start to get the process going. I already have a draft separation agreement prepared for him to review when the time comes and we can make adjustments as necessary. Since I made the announcement last July, we haven't had one single fight -- although we never really did fight. I expect things will be tough for a period of time, but I also anticipate we will work together to help transition the kids. That much we have agreed on to this point. now to find that job. I've been out of my profession for nearly 9 years. I do not really care what I do as long as it's close to home and pays within reason. Wish me luck! I always liked the idea of bird nesting, at least for a year or two. Maybe after a while once the kids are more accustomed to the change it might start to feel like too much (unless you can get your own separate places maybe?) But if you can work well with your ex it seems fairer to me that the kids should get to stay 'home' and the parents should take it in turns to fly away and be free for a while. |
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97 
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 4, 2016 1:44:41 GMT -5
I do wish you luck, tmd. You are handling this in the best possible manner, imo. I take courage from your story. |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 4, 2016 2:00:26 GMT -5
So, my plan is to "bird nest," which means to share the house and kids stay put, and the parent who doesn't have custody stays elsewhere. What that means for us, with his job, is that we could share a rental for the non-custodial days. Wow - that's a crazy concept, but great for the kids if you can make it work. Plenty of opportunity to cause each other problems though, so hopefully you will establish solid ground rules and be kind to one another. I'll apologize in advance, but watching out for potholes is my thing... Privacy - how can you be assured of privacy in either place? Whether you're taking a shower or playing Naked Twister in the living room at the rental, or waking to hear "someone" in the house because your Ex stopped in unexpectedly (as we've seen here recently). Who's legally residing where, and what wrinkles does that pose for being entitled access when you should (or shouldn't) be there? Nevermind all the usual roommate conflict like household chores - do you get stuck maintaining two households now? And who pays for what where? |
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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 10:06:43 GMT -5
[/quote]I always liked the idea of bird nesting, at least for a year or two. Maybe after a while once the kids are more accustomed to the change it might start to feel like too much (unless you can get your own separate places maybe?) But if you can work well with your ex it seems fairer to me that the kids should get to stay 'home' and the parents should take it in turns to fly away and be free for a while.
[/quote]
It's a solution for the transition. And te kids are happy in neighbourhood with their friends. It kills two birds with one stone.
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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 10:08:09 GMT -5
I do wish you luck, tmd. You are handling this in the best possible manner, imo. I take courage from your story. Thank you. We all do the best we can. |
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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 10:14:31 GMT -5
Wow - that's a crazy concept, but great for the kids if you can make it work. Plenty of opportunity to cause each other problems though, so hopefully you will establish solid ground rules and be kind to one another. --------- I'm in the mountains with kids for a few days. I read a really good article that talked about how to establish boundaries around bird nesting. I'll find it later and link it in. "Be gentle," although I don't really do new year resolutions, is my guide this year. And I was talking with a friend last night and I realized I need to be kind (not that I'm not, but...) with the roommate too. It's a short term solution for the transition. And probably the gentlest way to do this, for the kids especially. There are a lot of diff scenarios that could cause havoc. But I'm not going to be any less annoyed than I am now, most likely. |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 4, 2016 10:46:07 GMT -5
Please don't forget to "be gentle" with yourself also.
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Post by baza on Nov 30, 2016 23:18:46 GMT -5
Hello Brother theBumble.
I see yours was one of the original posts here in April 2016.
How's it going ?
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