Coping mechanisms?

I have had this attraction vibe happen to me once or twice. I always follow up when it happens and a couple times it turned out to be a successful pairing for a short time. The last time I was  in a K Mart and a woman, who was considerably younger than me, walked past and I was immediately attracted to her. So I approached her and initiated a conversation. It went well. I invited her for a coffee or an adult beverage when my shift ended. She was married and was shopping for her children. She replied she would like to go but she had 3 children to care for and was also employed full time, and she simply did not have time for an affair. You can't win them all. That was about 8 yrs ago and I haven't had that strong attraction toward a woman since. 
My thoughts are that when this type of attraction vibe hits you a man should always follow up on it. That woman may also be in an unsatisfying marriage. 

She can refuse sex, but you're not allowed to refuse the touch she likes.

Why?

You can sleep with her sometimes. Don't, when it'd be too frustrating.
You don't want to be touched that way because it makes you uncomfortable. You'll snuggle some other night; for her sake, because sensual touch is important to her and she enjoys it.

Such reasonable demands should seem familiar to her.
They won't, but they should.

How do I cope? I would say, I'm not coping. I'm just suffering. If there is a difference. Some days don't seem too bad. But when the hormones start to rage, I just get very angry inside. Yeah, I take long walks; I've picked up a novel. I have not been able to get into podcasts with any regularity. I've masturbated plenty. I watch porn, on and off. And I've periodically visited the local cathouse. I must say, when lust is satiated, it's satiated, as ephemeral as that maybe. But the absence of intimacy remains a gaping hole in my life and part of me feels so sad that I chose so badly in who to get hitched to.  I keep referencing the movie, American Beauty, with Kevin Spacey. That's me. That is my life. Not in the sense that I hate my job but more that I feel my wife keeps my dick in a jar. I would hate to die by the neighbor putting a bullet in my brain, though. I love my daughter and I'd hate not to see her grow up. Misery does love company. Of that, I'm sure. I could use a good tv show that deals with SM couples/families and how all of them deal with it in different ways and some just suffer. Oh, I do think meditating can be helpful, at times.

Counseling has been helping me a bit. It's individual counseling as she refuses to go talk to one or go see a couple's counselor. My counselor is a lady and the lack of sex has been brought up quite a bit to where the last couple of sessions has been me venting about it. It's kind of weird to be discussing this with another woman but I know she is just trying to help and she's a professional. She has even told me she's not sure why I'm still with my wife when we are both on two total opposite sides of the sexual equation. The things she's mentioned to try I've told her I have been down that road before and I'm exhausted even continuing. My wife wants me to be more assertive overall but when I try that, even outside the bedroom, she scoffs. It's as if my wife feeds on our drama and it's a way for her to avoid sexual intimacy. I told the counselor at my last session that if another woman paid any attention to me in a sexy way I don't think I could turn away from it. The older I get the more I realize my time to experience sexual things is limited.

Right now my coping mechanisms are going to counseling which helps me vent my frustrations and sense empathy from the counselor, and for sexual needs I still turn to porn unfortunately.