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Post by lonelyhubby on Apr 15, 2024 6:14:45 GMT -5
In a perfect world where you got to say to your withholding partner, 100% what is on your mind and how you feel - what would you say?
I'll start: "How dare you feel entitled to redefine our relationship without so much as a discussion or notification - you just abandoned our marriage and threw me out like trash once you got what you wanted (safety, security, home, pets, children) - and you still expect me to care, show affection, be an emotional tampon for you when you are needing support? HOW DARE YOU!
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m76
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Post by m76 on Apr 15, 2024 6:58:08 GMT -5
I'd probably say something along the lines of....
For 25 years we've always done what you wanted. Compromise was me giving up what I wanted. Now that I asked for one thing, physical affection, because I'm lonely, you've turned it into drama about how difficult it is for you. My needs have never been your priority.
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Post by toughtiger on Apr 15, 2024 8:43:11 GMT -5
I have said:
"I know most of the issue is medical but you never addressed it..... when it was sporadic before ending completely.... you never took care of yourself or sought medical advice / help until it was past fixing........ this did not just happen to you....
Deciding we were both celibate was selfish enough .... but to let me believe it was a me issue ... watching me lose weight change hair clothes and bend over backwards and each time you ignored me more ....or said awful things you can not take back.... NOT because you believed them ,,,but because you would do ANYTHING to hide your impotence. You have always been your priority... I was nothing more then an accessory to you .........The kind of emotional hurt this no sex marriage is cannot be erased or excused. "
The reality is they do NOT listen / absorb or comprehend any of it .... remember always they are the "victim"
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 15, 2024 13:01:33 GMT -5
I have said: "I know most of the issue is medical but you never addressed it..... when it was sporadic before ending completely.... you never took care of yourself or sought medical advice / help until it was past fixing........ this did not just happen to you.... Deciding we were both celibate was selfish enough .... but to let me believe it was a me issue ... watching me lose weight change hair clothes and bend over backwards and each time you ignored me more ....or said awful things you can not take back.... NOT because you believed them ,,,but because you would do ANYTHING to hide your impotence. You have always been your priority... I was nothing more then an accessory to you .........The kind of emotional hurt this no sex marriage is cannot be erased or excused. " The reality is they do NOT listen / absorb or comprehend any of it .... remember always they are the "victim" 100% they are always the victim... Couple weeks ago had another discussion about not initiating.. she says to read up on menopause and I already have and I asked about her medicine and she still is not taking it as prescribed. All she wanted to talk about how it was my fault.. I don't do enough,I don't show her affection anymore..I told her it goes hand in hand. Shes never initiated and I'm no longer working for nothing that's gonna happen. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Apr 15, 2024 13:12:10 GMT -5
I have said: "I know most of the issue is medical but you never addressed it..... when it was sporadic before ending completely.... you never took care of yourself or sought medical advice / help until it was past fixing........ this did not just happen to you.... Deciding we were both celibate was selfish enough .... but to let me believe it was a me issue ... watching me lose weight change hair clothes and bend over backwards and each time you ignored me more ....or said awful things you can not take back.... NOT because you believed them ,,,but because you would do ANYTHING to hide your impotence. You have always been your priority... I was nothing more then an accessory to you .........The kind of emotional hurt this no sex marriage is cannot be erased or excused. " The reality is they do NOT listen / absorb or comprehend any of it .... remember always they are the "victim" 100% they are always the victim... Couple weeks ago had another discussion about not initiating.. she says to read up on menopause and I already have and I asked about her medicine and she still is not taking it as prescribed. All she wanted to talk about how it was my fault.. I don't do enough,I don't show her affection anymore..I told her it goes hand in hand. Shes never initiated and I'm no longer working for nothing that's gonna happen. I know that sexual desire in many women declines even more in menopause. And knowing how close we are to that stage I wish I had made a bigger deal of the lack of sex years ago. I understand now why so many men, my dad included, end up marrying much younger women after divorce. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Apr 15, 2024 18:42:32 GMT -5
Tonight, I'd want to ask, "For a while we kissed every night. Some serious liplock. What was that about? Was that a suggestion by the therapist? Something to tide me over during the estrogen cream hiatus? Are you upset I didn't reciprocate? When I kiss you, you get defensive like I've got to have nookie. I just want you to know I enjoy the kissing itself, too."
Last night I'd have said, looking across the table at you, something was bringing back my visceral attraction for you. I'd want to take your face into my hands and kiss you to lock souls.
Yesterday morning I'd tell her that dress has always done it for me.
And during all three I'd want to say I miss the crazy wanton grinding of us together.
I want you.
I want it.
Instead, I'm avoiding her discomfort.
No repercussions? She forgets our conversation next day like the nymphs of Greek Myths?
"I want a mistress. I want someone to want me hungrily; physically, and I want to please her as she wants."
Things are so much better than they've been, but they are not as they were.
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Post by toughtiger on Apr 15, 2024 18:57:50 GMT -5
I know that sexual desire in many women declines even more in menopause. And knowing how close we are to that stage I wish I had made a bigger deal of the lack of sex years ago. I understand now why so many men, my dad included, end up marrying much younger women after divorce. That is just it .... it does not have to decline or go away ... there are many options to keep things going during and after menopause starts. i too understand why men would seek out a younger partner.... when i am back on the market i hope there are men who know not all women just close shop and grow cobwebs after a certain age. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 16, 2024 16:11:04 GMT -5
I know that sexual desire in many women declines even more in menopause. And knowing how close we are to that stage I wish I had made a bigger deal of the lack of sex years ago. I understand now why so many men, my dad included, end up marrying much younger women after divorce. That is just it .... it does not have to decline or go away ... there are many options to keep things going during and after menopause starts. i too understand why men would seek out a younger partner.... when i am back on the market i hope there are men who know not all women just close shop and grow cobwebs after a certain age. I now know this thanks to this site.. I have a feeling you will not find any problems finding a lucky partner.. why not go younger and see how that goes. May have to go that route to keep up with you. Never know😉 |
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Post by isthisit on Apr 19, 2024 17:03:57 GMT -5
I know that sexual desire in many women declines even more in menopause. And knowing how close we are to that stage I wish I had made a bigger deal of the lack of sex years ago. I understand now why so many men, my dad included, end up marrying much younger women after divorce. That is just it .... it does not have to decline or go away ... there are many options to keep things going during and after menopause starts. i too understand why men would seek out a younger partner.... when i am back on the market i hope there are men who know not all women just close shop and grow cobwebs after a certain age. Yep, couldn’t agree more. I know there are many stories here from men who have seen their marriage implode due to menopause related issues, and that’s miserable for everyone concerned. There are also stories from men whose wives clearly had no libido pre-menopause and then had a handy excuse once peri-menopause arrives. That seems really difficult for a man to navigate as you’re either unwillingly celibate or made to feel like a douche for asking her to seek help with it. Here, by the nature of the place, menopause gets a bad rep. Just a reminder that there are very many peri and post menopausal women out there for whom menopause has no effect on their libido at all, and remain as rampant as ever. That fact doesn’t seem to get mentioned as often as it should. |
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catsloveme
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Post by catsloveme on Apr 19, 2024 23:33:56 GMT -5
I know that sexual desire in many women declines even more in menopause. And knowing how close we are to that stage I wish I had made a bigger deal of the lack of sex years ago. I understand now why so many men, my dad included, end up marrying much younger women after divorce. That is just it .... it does not have to decline or go away ... there are many options to keep things going during and after menopause starts. i too understand why men would seek out a younger partner.... when i am back on the market i hope there are men who know not all women just close shop and grow cobwebs after a certain age. I’m in perimenopause take antidepressants and I still want sex and physical intimacy. Even more now than when I was younger. Maybe because I am a lot more confident in who I am now. I’ll be 50 in a couple of months. Not closing up shop any time soon! |
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lr79
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Post by lr79 on Apr 20, 2024 3:10:05 GMT -5
I guess I don't say these because it's either a waste of my time (as know from saying it to wife before) or am worried I will appear unreasonable or the bad guy (I'm 44 she's 40)
1. My previous posts state an issue is that wife never wears anything even remotely racy rarely dresses up nice, rarely wears makeup and is a plain Jane t shirt and tracksuit bottoms type with Bridget pants most radical underwear she wears is black instead of white some people like that but not me and of course she is well within her right to wear what she wants to or feels comfortable in but I have a right to say what I feel attracted or turned on by...don't I?! And this is not just because of certain entertainment or celebrity purposes it's what I see in everyday life ie girls who dress up, wear skimpier clothing or underwear, leather trousers....there's more chance of me getting blood out of a stone or winning miss world then her doing any of this
2. Why is it 15 years on we still haven't had children ive questioned this numerous times and just feel like I'm getting fobbed off her belief is once a savings pot for covering maternity leave from her job is done later this year we will try but i think she's deluded given July 2021 is last time we had sex! (numerous reasons why)
In case people are wondering from my posts a while ago things not much better if at all main reasons for staying remain because I've given up on finding anyone else before I even try, it won't get me any closer to starting a family and implications of a divorce ie asset of our house mainly
Have that feeling I don't belong in life full stop because loads of others have started family, have the sex life and things I want so jealousy and envy off the scale 😭
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