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Post by deadzone75 on Mar 2, 2024 18:26:09 GMT -5
You guys are all right. I know it, I just don't want to admit it. I have another councilling session on Monday. I need to ask point blank if we will ever have any kind of sexual touching. What she says in counciling doesn't match with reality what she's told me alone. At this point even if there is some kind of sexual touching I know its not what she wants. A better idea would be to tell her, in this appointment, that you are done with appointments. You just stated she lies in the appointments, so she will continue to kick that can down the road. Endless appointments, endless "homework" assignments she will keep ignoring, endless pain for you. Also, I'm curious if you've told the therapist that she is refusing her homework assignments. |
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Post by isthisit on Mar 2, 2024 18:46:41 GMT -5
You guys are all right. I know it, I just don't want to admit it. I have another councilling session on Monday. I need to ask point blank if we will ever have any kind of sexual touching. What she says in counciling doesn't match with reality what she's told me alone. At this point even if there is some kind of sexual touching I know it’s not what she wants. We have all been there, it’s possibly the worse stage of all, the brutal realisation but with it all to do. Please be kind to yourself. I agree with deadzone75 , the counselling might well be making it worse for you rather than better, as your wife seems to use it as a platform to evidence she is “trying” but is actually wasting the time of you and the counsellor. I didn’t manage to leave on my own, and many others here didn’t either. Maybe invest the funds currently used for the pointless marriage counselling for some personal counselling for you, or if that is financially difficult, maybe seek a mentor to listen and support you without judgement. It doesn’t have to be a person in your real world life, mine was online and made all the difference to me. Whatever works for you to keep you afloat in the choppy waters of staying and coping or leaving. Remember the be kind to yourself part. |
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Missingout
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Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Mar 2, 2024 23:31:50 GMT -5
You guys are all right. I know it, I just don't want to admit it. I have another councilling session on Monday. I need to ask point blank if we will ever have any kind of sexual touching. What she says in counciling doesn't match with reality what she's told me alone. At this point even if there is some kind of sexual touching I know its not what she wants. Good luck brother… stay strong |
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Post by toughtiger on Mar 3, 2024 9:07:39 GMT -5
You are correct with this. I stayed until I felt that I had left no stone unturned in my efforts to get my marriage back on track. It was hard time, but time well spent. I think my certainty that the marriage was deceased was a huge factor in my ability to move on comfortably after I left. I had no “if only’s” or “what if’s” to deal with. Once I dropped the bomb, I never had a whisper of doubt or regret. Just when I think I'm 100% there and ready to tell her she does something like last night. I had my hand on her while she was reading but I made a mistake by twitching a finger and she pushed my hand away ( it was on her hip). So I roll over to sleep and as I'm falling asleep she comes over and spoons me, I held her so tight. It felt so good just for her to initiate that little contact that I was tearing up. Then as suddenly as it started she rolled back over and went to sleep. Now I'm thinking to myself, is this a start? Is there anyway to build on this or will be weeks again before she reaches out and touches me? Or is she sensing how close I am to leaving and just breadcrumbing me? Spouse does this when i am about to walk out the door a few signs and cuddles doe not fix this |
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 3, 2024 10:35:19 GMT -5
Spouse does this when i am about to walk out the door a few signs and cuddles doe not fix this Back when I traveled for work, I eventually noticed a pattern in our sexless frequency… when it happened, it’d most often be just before a trip. It sure looked like she was only motivated enough to keep me on a leash, lest I run wild while unsupervised. It’s interesting how intimacy can be easy when it serves their interests. Or up to the point that their needs are met. DC |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 4, 2024 6:13:25 GMT -5
... it seems like the ultimate selfish act because it's only me that would benefit. Kids, friends, and loved ones will benefit from a refused spouse's improved mood, and maybe your the refuser's mood too. If either takes a new lover, he/she may be very pleased the partners are now available. (with the refuser's partner potentially just as disappointed months or years later) Arguably, many people benefit form the (possible) loss of one person's preferences. Some may choose not to walk away and open the marriage instead, fulfilling their own need at the expense of their spouse's perceived need for the refused partner's non-consensual celibacy. (which divorce will destroy too) In some messed-up cases, the refuser wants out but is too chicken shit to say so and wants the refused to not just be tortured for a while, but take the fall.
Re: Marriage counseling. While mentioning the ignored/failed homework assignments may be useful, it should be deployed in such a way as to coolly, rationally observe, "Well, that didn't work/ What's next?" Coerced affection is likely to be temporary and inadequate, possibly even revolting. This is for the wife and counselor to discuss, because you were ready to accept the homework plan. (What was your homework, again?) If the counselor has no plan B and your wife's not volunteering anything, this may be a point at which you pull the plug on marriage counseling, and throw the hail Mary pass, just for the lulz. Bring FWBs up for discussion and enjoy the reactions. Is the counselor shocked, or does he/she engage the possibility and make the Mrs. amusingly uncomfortable? It sounds as though you're interested, but your misunderstanding that all outsourcing is deceptive is holding you back. Swingers are a thing. Polyamory polycules are a thing. You can have a mistress without secrecy. Discretion maybe, but not secrecy. If you don't have a path forward (because the one you're on muddles sideways) maybe stop marital counseling and redeploy the resources towards individual counseling to put your own priorities, preference sand needs somewhere in the same ballpark as your wife's You aren't just deferring to her needs, you're utterly neglecting your own. It's uncalled for. Figure out why with the time you're spending trying to make your wife considerate and fair. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Mar 4, 2024 7:44:49 GMT -5
This one is spot on for whichever spouse is withholding
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Post by toughtiger on Mar 4, 2024 10:02:09 GMT -5
i think the spouse who broke the marriage is the ones who refuse and play games ....
i know many of these videos stress this does not include medical issues but i think more spouses resort to that
i read up on medical reason for men and all articles stressed being honest and perhaps finding other ways to be intimate with spouse....
i know many women also rely on the menopause excuse when that can be helped by hormones too
i think what happens is not all about sex but the lies we tell ourselves or each other about why......
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m76
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Post by m76 on Mar 4, 2024 10:06:29 GMT -5
This one is spot on for whichever spouse is withholding This video hits hard and I may show this to my wife. I really don't think she understands the pain it's caused. |
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Missingout
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Mar 4, 2024 10:18:27 GMT -5
i think the spouse who broke the marriage is the ones who refuse and play games .... i know many of these videos stress this does not include medical issues but i think more spouses resort to that i read up on medical reason for men and all articles stressed being honest and perhaps finding other ways to be intimate with spouse.... i know many women also rely on the menopause excuse when that can be helped by hormones too i think what happens is not all about sex but the lies we tell ourselves or each other about why...... Soo many whys and lies🤪. |
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 5, 2024 16:54:28 GMT -5
i read up on medical reason for men and all articles stressed being honest and perhaps finding other ways to be intimate with spouse.... .. Absolutely toughtiger. My best friend has been battling prostate and bladder cancer for 15 years, total impotence now. But he says "Thank God for fingers, tongue and toys". His wife agrees. |
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