m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Feb 16, 2024 9:55:35 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd go down the don't ask don't tell rabbit hole but I'm thinking about it.
There's a 25 year old that I volunteer with at a youth organization. We talk a lot about books we're reading and tv shows. We have a lot in common in that regard despite the age difference.
There's a TV series coming out next week that we're both interested in and we've talked about watching at the same time so we can talk about the show after. She's dropped hints about her free time and availability.
I'm very tempted to ask her if she'd like to watch it together in person. Or go out to dinner to talk about it after.
Wondering if there's a way to ask while leaving it open for her to say no and not effect our working friendship.
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 16, 2024 11:07:18 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd go down the don't ask don't tell rabbit hole but I'm thinking about it. There's a 25 year old that I volunteer with at a youth organization. We talk a lot about books we're reading and tv shows. We have a lot in common in that regard despite the age difference. There's a TV series coming out next week that we're both interested in and we've talked about watching at the same time so we can talk about the show after. She's dropped hints about her free time and availability. I'm very tempted to ask her if she'd like to watch it together in person. Or go out to dinner to talk about it after. Wondering if there's a way to ask while leaving it open for her to say no and not effect our working friendship.
It sounds like she's already giving you the opening to ask. (This coming from a dude who's been painfully oblivious to hints from women in my past [first serious girlfriend finally had to ask me out].) Just don't be deceptive about your marital status. Enjoy the company; don't try to make it sexual, and see what unfolds.
Caveats... if you're in a role where you are an authority figure to her (e.g., supervisor) or in a trusted position to her (e.g., mentor), then this should really be a no-go. However, if you're simply co-workers at a volunteer organization, then she's entitled to her interests / curiosities as much as you are.
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Feb 16, 2024 11:12:40 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd go down the don't ask don't tell rabbit hole but I'm thinking about it. There's a 25 year old that I volunteer with at a youth organization. We talk a lot about books we're reading and tv shows. We have a lot in common in that regard despite the age difference. There's a TV series coming out next week that we're both interested in and we've talked about watching at the same time so we can talk about the show after. She's dropped hints about her free time and availability. I'm very tempted to ask her if she'd like to watch it together in person. Or go out to dinner to talk about it after. Wondering if there's a way to ask while leaving it open for her to say no and not effect our working friendship.
It sounds like she's already giving you the opening to ask. (This coming from a dude who's been painfully oblivious to hints from women in my past [first serious girlfriend finally had to ask me out].) Just don't be deceptive about your marital status. Enjoy the company; don't try to make it sexual, and see what unfolds.
Caveats... if you're in a role where you are an authority figure to her (e.g., supervisor) or in a trusted position to her (e.g., mentor), then this should really be a no-go. However, if you're simply co-workers at a volunteer organization, then she's entitled to her interests / curiosities as much as you are.
We're equivalent level, no conflict in that regard. And lol on the being oblivious to flirting, I'm with you on that one. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 16, 2024 11:30:49 GMT -5
m76,...Honesty is in my mind, always the best policy when one is thinking romantically about a woman. If she is droping hints about being free for the time frame of this program I think you are well positioned to ask her if she would like to watch the program with you. If she agrees then just play it be ear as you take in the program. Don't be afraid to make sure she hears it from you how much you enjoy her company. Whether or not you do a bit of flirtiting depends on how the evening goes. If it goes well don't be afraid to ask for a kiss at the end of the evening. You want to avoid ending up in the "friend zone".
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Post by isthisit on Feb 16, 2024 11:47:08 GMT -5
It sounds like she's already giving you the opening to ask. (This coming from a dude who's been painfully oblivious to hints from women in my past [first serious girlfriend finally had to ask me out].) Just don't be deceptive about your marital status. Enjoy the company; don't try to make it sexual, and see what unfolds.
Caveats... if you're in a role where you are an authority figure to her (e.g., supervisor) or in a trusted position to her (e.g., mentor), then this should really be a no-go. However, if you're simply co-workers at a volunteer organization, then she's entitled to her interests / curiosities as much as you are.
We're equivalent level, no conflict in that regard. And lol on the being oblivious to flirting, I'm with you on that one. And another one for the oblivious gang here. In my early twenties I had an anonymous note stuck onto the windscreen of my car explaining that some poor soul was working really hard to flirt with me, gain my attention etc, and it would be great if I would open my eyes to help him out. I was seeing someone and never did find out who it was. I remain as clueless today. |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 16, 2024 12:10:25 GMT -5
We're equivalent level, no conflict in that regard. And lol on the being oblivious to flirting, I'm with you on that one. And another one for the oblivious gang here. In my early twenties I had an anonymous note stuck onto the windscreen of my car explaining that some poor soul was working really hard to flirt with me, gain my attention etc, and it would be great if I would open my eyes to help him out. I was seeing someone and never did find out who it was. I remain as clueless today.
When I announced my engagement at work, the attractive women came out of the woodwork. (This job was home to many young, attractive women.) I remember thinking at the time, "Where were you when I was available?". Many of them I would have aspired to date but felt like I had no shot. Looking back, that just adds to the pain of wondering what might have been.
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Post by isthisit on Feb 17, 2024 3:08:26 GMT -5
And another one for the oblivious gang here. In my early twenties I had an anonymous note stuck onto the windscreen of my car explaining that some poor soul was working really hard to flirt with me, gain my attention etc, and it would be great if I would open my eyes to help him out. I was seeing someone and never did find out who it was. I remain as clueless today.
When I announced my engagement at work, the attractive women came out of the woodwork. (This job was home to many young, attractive women.) I remember thinking at the time, "Where were you when I was available?". Many of them I would have aspired to date but felt like I had no shot. Looking back, that just adds to the pain of wondering what might have been.
Well you know, DryCreek , a better question might be, what is yet to come? Despite this revelation being back at the dawn of time, I think there is still a place for you to use this knowledge today. Consider the scenario: You escape the clutches (somehow) of Mrs DC and then what? Armed with the knowledge from yesteryear that you’re much hotter than you give yourself credit for, you hit Tinder with the vigour of a sailor on shore leave. It is never too late. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 19, 2024 7:22:04 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd go down the don't ask don't tell rabbit hole but I'm thinking about it. There's a 25 year old that I volunteer with at a youth organization. We talk a lot about books we're reading and tv shows. We have a lot in common in that regard despite the age difference. There's a TV series coming out next week that we're both interested in and we've talked about watching at the same time so we can talk about the show after. She's dropped hints about her free time and availability. I'm very tempted to ask her if she'd like to watch it together in person. Or go out to dinner to talk about it after. Wondering if there's a way to ask while leaving it open for her to say no and not effect our working friendship. Is there a way to watch it immediately after your "shift" right at the youth center? It's a neutral, convenient setting. Unthreatening. It poses the risk others will join you, but that might be okay. Depending on your confidence level, this may be an opportunity to simply get used to the idea of adult companionship. Get comfortable so that actual dating is easier. If romance isn't on her mind, and you make it into that, TV night may well stop. Part of preparing for outsourcing or leaving is building a life that does not include your refuser. Non-sexual activities just like this are the stones a foundation is made of. It's not a movie, it's a TV series, You have lots of time. Spend it slowly. Grabbing coffee after episode 7 could be a natural suggestion if you start getting vibes. Have you seen a lawyer yet? I lose track of who is at what point. Refusers may accuse you of an emotional affair if this drags out as hoped. It's utter BS, sure. But the same damage gets done. Obey the Baza, while there's still nothing you need to defend. I'd also love to hear about you having a more overt exploration of outsourcing. A mistress just falling in your lap leaves you in a position of helplessness to fate. If it doesn't pan out, you're not taking charge of your life, you're reacting to it. You may be inclined to wait for the next serendipity to come along. That's what decade long dry spells in sexless marriages are made of. It's also fine to accept that only luck will determine your relationship dynamics. This is the "Stay" option and it grows all the better if one acknowledges that it is a choice being made. |
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Feb 21, 2024 15:24:37 GMT -5
Crashed and burned....
We were talking about watching our show this weekend and I suggested we should get together after to discuss the show. Radio silence since.
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Missingout
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Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Feb 21, 2024 15:53:07 GMT -5
Crashed and burned.... We were talking about watching our show this weekend and I suggested we should get together after to discuss the show. Radio silence since. Next!!! |
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Feb 23, 2024 8:14:42 GMT -5
Mixed messages tonight.
Although she never answered my message about getting together she was very close to me tonight at our youth thing.
I was supervising a group and she was standing beside me talking about stuff, I would back away a bit because she was getting close enough that I felt uncomfortable with the kids around and each time I moved a bit away she kept moving closer and smiling. Still haven't actually gotten a clear green or red light.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 23, 2024 8:40:44 GMT -5
Mixed messages tonight. Although she never answered my message about getting together she was very close to me tonight at our youth thing. I was supervising a group and she was standing beside me talking about stuff, I would back away a bit because she was getting close enough that I felt uncomfortable with the kids around and each time I moved a bit away she kept moving closer and smiling. Still haven't actually gotten a clear green or red light. Time to define where you want to things to go. I would be telling her that you are attracted to her. And I would say to her I hoped she felt attracted to me. If not, then just let her know you will be keeping some physical distance from her so you will not be temped to do or say something that might make her uncomfortable. That puts the ball in her court. I remember back in the EP days several women commented about men failing to be agressive enough. The result was after what they considered a suitable amount of time passed and the men not actively pursueing them, the man was friend zoned. |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 23, 2024 8:58:35 GMT -5
Mixed messages tonight. Although she never answered my message about getting together she was very close to me tonight at our youth thing. I would suggest… a timely conversation is in order. “I asked you about X but didn’t hear back from you. Then last night you seemed to be doing Y and that left me confused about your intentions. Just what were your expectations?” The analysis may spoil a moment, but sometimes that’s the price of progress. And it has to be done promptly or in my experience they’ll feign confusion about your question. It seems that pussyfooting around the topic is a big contributing factor, and breaking through the awkwardness of discussing intentions is something we need to normalize. DC |
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Post by toughtiger on Feb 23, 2024 9:53:55 GMT -5
I would agree that mixed signals need to be examined.
Some young women like to tease and find it a huge ego booster to have an older man interested.
When you come out and ask her to meet for coffee or a drink it will make it a bit clearer.
Flirting in a safe volunteer setting is different then sitting at a cafe for coffee, she may say no thanks and see her flirting was not so innocent fun.
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Feb 23, 2024 10:10:24 GMT -5
I would agree that mixed signals need to be examined. Some young women like to tease and find it a huge ego booster to have an older man interested. When you come out and ask her to meet for coffee or a drink it will make it a bit clearer. Flirting in a safe volunteer setting is different then sitting at a cafe for coffee, she may say no thanks and see her flirting was not so innocent fun. As much I'm interested I'm not going to pursue this right now until I officially separate which may not be much longer. Next week I'm making one last push to increase intimacy but I'm at the end of my rope. |
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