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Post by catlover on Jan 25, 2024 17:27:35 GMT -5
I am feeling so bitterly disappointed and resentful. Well, the story goes like this. It was my 65th on Tuesday, kind of a special milestone. My wife arranged a trip to Niagara falls for us with dinner and overnight stay etc. Foolishly, I had vain hopes that there might be some intimacy involved as well. We went for dinner early, then came back to the hotel room, and then nothing!!!! I was so disappointed and. yes, angry, that I didn't sleep at all the whole night, just lay awake stewing.
Now she wants to know why I'm in a shitty mood!
Intellectually, I know she is ill, but it still doesn't stop those thoughts.
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diode
Junior Member
Posts: 78 
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Post by diode on Jan 25, 2024 17:50:23 GMT -5
I am feeling so bitterly disappointed and resentful. Well, the story goes like this. It was my 65th on Tuesday, kind of a special milestone. My wife arranged a trip to Niagara falls for us with dinner and overnight stay etc. Foolishly, I had vain hopes that there might be some intimacy involved as well. We went for dinner early, then came back to the hotel room, and then nothing!!!! I was so disappointed and. yes, angry, that I didn't sleep at all the whole night, just lay awake stewing. Now she wants to know why I'm in a shitty mood! Intellectually, I know she is ill, but it still doesn't stop those thoughts. On a recent milestone birthday, we too went to a nice exotic locale. While the surroundings were top shelf, I got exactly what I expected from the interpersonal domain (nothing, not even a hug). During a good year, I might get 3 hugs, so not even that seemed like a big deal. I actually caught myself looking for a reason to feel angry, but I felt nothing. |
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 25, 2024 17:53:40 GMT -5
I am feeling so bitterly disappointed and resentful. Well, the story goes like this. It was my 65th on Tuesday, kind of a special milestone. My wife arranged a trip to Niagara falls for us with dinner and overnight stay etc. Foolishly, I had vain hopes that there might be some intimacy involved as well. We went for dinner early, then came back to the hotel room, and then nothing!!!! I was so disappointed and. yes, angry, that I didn't sleep at all the whole night, just lay awake stewing. Now she wants to know why I'm in a shitty mood! Intellectually, I know she is ill, but it still doesn't stop those thoughts. This same thing has happened to me even after asking before the trip if we could have some intimate time in the hotel. She got into bed rolled over and turned out the light. When I was grumpy the next day she said I was being shity and passive aggressive so I told her I don't want to plan anymore trips. We have our 25th anniversary coming up and she wants a long trip with just us. I said no. The feeling of hope and rejection are a tough combination. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 25, 2024 20:35:50 GMT -5
I am feeling so bitterly disappointed and resentful. Well, the story goes like this. It was my 65th on Tuesday, kind of a special milestone. My wife arranged a trip to Niagara falls for us with dinner and overnight stay etc. Foolishly, I had vain hopes that there might be some intimacy involved as well. We went for dinner early, then came back to the hotel room, and then nothing!!!! I was so disappointed and. yes, angry, that I didn't sleep at all the whole night, just lay awake stewing. Now she wants to know why I'm in a shitty mood! Intellectually, I know she is ill, but it still doesn't stop those thoughts. This same thing has happened to me even after asking before the trip if we could have some intimate time in the hotel. She got into bed rolled over and turned out the light. When I was grumpy the next day she said I was being shity and passive aggressive so I told her I don't want to plan anymore trips. We have our 25th anniversary coming up and she wants a long trip with just us. I said no. The feeling of hope and rejection are a tough combination. Three months before our 20th anniversary, I told my wife I didn't want to have any big celebration. To have some kind of blowout and then have the whole thing fall apart would've been embarrassing. I do remember the conversation included our anemic love life and ended with a growled "This will not stand." Nothing changed all the way up until and past our 20th anniversary. I started researching dating after that, little guessing what a terrific help that was going to be for both of us. catlover Sorry. I still get disappointed even though I know the odds are sop long. My wife wants to go to Niagara too. Despite teh reputation of romance, I know the odds are very long, even though we do engage more than monthly. Vacation is almost an inhibitory factor. May we both one day achieve the kind of Zen diode has achieved.   |
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Post by catlover on Jan 26, 2024 11:06:07 GMT -5
Haha, love the meme, so fucking true!
I am feeling so down and hopeless at this time. I hate feeling like this, in a bad mood, feel hopeless and unwanted and unloved. Its incredible how you can be lonely but not alone.
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 26, 2024 11:14:54 GMT -5
Haha, love the meme, so fucking true! I am feeling so down and hopeless at this time. I hate feeling like this, in a bad mood, feel hopeless and unwanted and unloved. Its incredible how you can be lonely but not alone. I feel the same. I'm building up the courage to leave. It's been 10 years of feeling that way. I'm realizing that it may be tough but at least I'll have the hope of being happy someday in the future. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 26, 2024 12:44:55 GMT -5
I often have a feeling of genuine sorrow for my fellow peeps here when they describe their feeling of loneliness. Loneliness to the point where they become bitter towards their spouse. I never came to feel that.
I am one of the more fortunate members here in that my SM was of such short duraton when compared to the average I see on here.
Catlover, diode, m76, I wish you well as you struggle in your marriages. With any luck you will not be in this position for much longer.
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Post by catlover on Jan 26, 2024 14:32:08 GMT -5
I often have a feeling of genuine sorrow for my fellow peeps here when they describe their feeling of loneliness. Loneliness to the point where they become bitter towards their spouse. I never came to feel that. I am one of the more fortunate members here in that my SM was of such short duraton when compared to the average I see on here. Catlover, diode, m76, I wish you well as you struggle in your marriages. With any luck you will not be in this position for much longer. Thanks for the kind words. I am afraid I'm probably going to be in this boat until she passes one of these days. It sounds horrible but often I find myaelf hopingshe would just stop hanging on, for her sake too |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Jan 26, 2024 15:55:51 GMT -5
I often have a feeling of genuine sorrow for my fellow peeps here when they describe their feeling of loneliness. Loneliness to the point where they become bitter towards their spouse. I never came to feel that. I am one of the more fortunate members here in that my SM was of such short duraton when compared to the average I see on here. Catlover, diode, m76, I wish you well as you struggle in your marriages. With any luck you will not be in this position for much longer. I spent abut 10 years being depressed, distant and considered either suicide or divorce at times. but clearer heads prevailed - recently was able to get serious conversations and action towards reconciling this horror show if long term SM situation. You find you can't really talk to anyone about it - if it works out, you certainly don't want to advertise the problem which could make it impossible to recover from, and I think that the withholding spouse also relies on the truth that their little "secret" is hidden by the natural avoidance of openly addressing it - which allows them to continue as if everything is peachy-keen, until it no longer is able to be sustained. it's definitely a double-edged sword situation. At some point you get enough resentment over it to never be able to recover your relationship - I understand your feelings. |
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patrick
Junior Member
Posts: 21
Age Range: 70+
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Post by patrick on Jan 26, 2024 19:31:40 GMT -5
and I think that the withholding spouse also relies on the truth that their little "secret" is hidden by the natural avoidance of openly addressing it - which allows them to continue as if everything is peachy-keen, until it no longer is able to be sustained. I sometimes wonder if the wife willingly shares the secret of her SM or if she carries on the facade that everything is “peachy-keen”?🤷♂️ |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Jan 27, 2024 7:49:46 GMT -5
and I think that the withholding spouse also relies on the truth that their little "secret" is hidden by the natural avoidance of openly addressing it - which allows them to continue as if everything is peachy-keen, until it no longer is able to be sustained. I sometimes wonder if the wife willingly shares the secret of her SM or if she carries on the facade that everything is “peachy-keen”?🤷♂️ I believe some Women do withhold, and support each other in this effort. However, I do not believe withholding men do the same. |
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 27, 2024 7:58:57 GMT -5
I sometimes wonder if the wife willingly shares the secret of her SM or if she carries on the facade that everything is “peachy-keen”?🤷♂️ I believe some Women do withhold, and support each other in this effort. However, I do not believe withholding men do the same. I know my wife has mentioned that when we're with other couples she's jealous of the easy banter and interactions of the other couples. In those situations she goes out her way to hold my hand or hug me in front of the other couple. So she absolutely wants everyone else to think things are perfect. For me I've only talked about this with my sister. My sister is absolutely understanding and has told me the whole family would be understanding and support whatever choice I make. As for when I'm out with with friends or work, I don't talk about my home life at all. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 27, 2024 9:20:55 GMT -5
I believe some Women do withhold, and support each other in this effort. However, I do not believe withholding men do the same. As for when I'm out with with friends or work, I don't talk about my home life at all. I'll do a twofer here. My X has a # of soriety sisters. While I don't think that they activily encouraged her to refuse, they didn't scold her for it. Once she replied to me one day saying " why can't you be like the other men and accept no longer having sex"? So I know other soriety sisters were refusers. And they did enforce the notion that her body was hers and is she didn't want sex that was her right. I myself at age 75, have never heard another man say that "men have a right to refuse sex to their wifes". I cannot even imagine that. And m76 is not alone saying he doesn't talk about home life at all. I don't think most men do unless there is a real problem. |
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Post by toughtiger on Jan 27, 2024 10:52:56 GMT -5
i think it depends on the group but i know women who say nope that is all over to one audience and no we are still active to others,,,,lmao
if she bought into all the sisters are doing this..... in my experience women are known for just agreeing in a circle of friends even if they are lying.
On the male side no one would ever admit they are refusers.....
my spouse if the subject came up would say "yeah me and the wife are going at it all the time " what a joke.
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Jan 27, 2024 12:16:00 GMT -5
i think it depends on the group but i know women who say nope that is all over to one audience and no we are still active to others,,,,lmao if she bought into all the sisters are doing this..... in my experience women are known for just agreeing in a circle of friends even if they are lying. On the male side no one would ever admit they are refusers..... my spouse if the subject came up would say "yeah me and the wife are going at it all the time " what a joke. Yeah I let it be known if she chimes in on sex talk that she is not speaking from experience 😝 |
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