Most seniors have dealbreakers when dating
Jan 11, 2024 11:54:52 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 11, 2024 11:54:52 GMT -5
medium.com/crows-feet/three-important-things-to-know-as-a-senior-before-you-get-into-a-serious-relationship-5101592b21bc
Three Important Things To Know as a Senior Before Getting Into a Serious Relationship
Most of us seniors have dealbreakers
Klara Jane Holloway
Crow’s Feet
Pointers on dating after you are 65 years old.
Health
Recently, I went out a few times with a nice guy. I noticed his left hand shaking continuously. We lifted our wine glasses for a toast, and he almost dropped his.
When I asked about it, he said he didn’t want to “talk about it.”
I thought that was a red flag, and I am the worst at spotting red flags until they flash bright neon crimson like a police car flashing lights following me on the highway!
I am RED FLAG impaired!
Is There a Prize for Not Seeing Neon Bright Red Flags in Online Dating Profiles?
I miss a lot of clues!
hklarajane.medium.com
After the 3rd date, I felt he was not the guy for me and told him it would not work out.
He did not take it very well and sent me a text berating himself, his looks, his body, and his personality in general. I tried not to answer that type of tirade.
Then, he said he would tell me what topped it off. He said his shaking hand was an inherited nerve condition. He couldn't remember the name of the disease.
Also, he has a chronic blood clot condition where he was found to have multiple pulmonary emboli (blood clots). He had a filter (basket) in his vena cava close to his heart. That would filter clots out of his blood in case one got to his heart and beyond.
The filter is not 100% reliable.
These health issues turned me off. He and I are 68, and I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with a guy with those ominous health conditions.
That may sound selfish, and if he had been my husband all along, I would not have blinked an eye, knowing I may be taking care of him sooner rather than later.
But, here, I had a choice.
I dated a guy with an insulin pump. I didn’t think that was a dealbreaker. I saw it as a good thing; many people my age have diabetes.
I dated a guy who had a massive heart attack, and, fortunately, he was in the hospital already. He had immediate coronary artery bypass surgery that saved his life. He also had a brain tumor removed and wasn’t sure if it was malignant. Top that with his ruptured Achilles tendon, making it difficult to walk. However, I knew that would heal.
Another guy had bladder cancer he was having chemo for. I wasn’t sure why he would seek a date on a dating site.
The saying a nurse and a purse came to mind.
I won’t even get into dental care, smoking habits, or body hygiene on some men!
Health status makes a difference to me.
Financial stability
I dated a guy with a Corvette, Lexus Minivan, a Dodge Ram pickup truck, a camper, and 11 bikes. His home was on eight acres of beautiful property, and he spent money easily and often.
His home needed a new septic system as he lived in an area with no city sewers. Talking about it with me, he said he needed a loan to get the work done. It needed to be done soon because his whole house was reeking of sewage odor.
I asked him about everything he owned and spent money on all the time. He had just purchased his 11th bike for $5,000! It turned out he was knee-deep in debt. He had multiple credit cards close to their limit.
And he had a high credit score.
I heard the more you spend and keep up with payments, the higher your credit score will go. I owe nothing and have a much lower credit score than him.
The house was mortgaged to the hilt. He was candid with me about it. He said since he was 74 and had no heirs, he didn’t care. His estate would cover as much of his debt as possible, and the rest would be written off.
That's an interesting take on debt, but not one I wanted to jump into with such an irresponsible guy.
Another guy rented a one-bedroom apartment.
He told me he had split his 401K money amongst his five children and had no savings. He lived on his social security. That was a good amount, but what if there was an emergency?
Let’s hope his kids would jump in, care for him, or bail him out.
I was not really into that method of financial stability.
Another guy had no savings and very little money to live on monthly. He had decided to take his social security early and enjoyed it for ten years. But the economy ballooned beyond the raises social security gets yearly, and he got behind.
He was living free in a house one of his kids owned. He had no assets. He had no ambition or desire to get a job.
I have a different way of living and spending my money.
I would not have gotten along with him.
Lifestyle
This is a touchy one. I don't believe in holding past mistakes against someone, but I have my limits.
More than four marriages (unless widowed), certain kinds of felons, adult children living with and sponging off them, and how they keep their home makes a difference to me.
People my age do not change.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. — Maya Angelou
There are exceptions to every rule, but they are rare in this category.
That includes me.
A man with a much different lifestyle than mine will not work out in the long run, so I don't get it started.
It all boils down to the individual and how many red flags you see.
Everyone is different and deserves a chance, but you also deserve to choose what is acceptable and what isn’t.
There is someone for everyone, and if you haven’t found that someone, keep looking.
Don’t settle!
Three Important Things To Know as a Senior Before Getting Into a Serious Relationship
Most of us seniors have dealbreakers
Klara Jane Holloway
Crow’s Feet
Pointers on dating after you are 65 years old.
Health
Recently, I went out a few times with a nice guy. I noticed his left hand shaking continuously. We lifted our wine glasses for a toast, and he almost dropped his.
When I asked about it, he said he didn’t want to “talk about it.”
I thought that was a red flag, and I am the worst at spotting red flags until they flash bright neon crimson like a police car flashing lights following me on the highway!
I am RED FLAG impaired!
Is There a Prize for Not Seeing Neon Bright Red Flags in Online Dating Profiles?
I miss a lot of clues!
hklarajane.medium.com
After the 3rd date, I felt he was not the guy for me and told him it would not work out.
He did not take it very well and sent me a text berating himself, his looks, his body, and his personality in general. I tried not to answer that type of tirade.
Then, he said he would tell me what topped it off. He said his shaking hand was an inherited nerve condition. He couldn't remember the name of the disease.
Also, he has a chronic blood clot condition where he was found to have multiple pulmonary emboli (blood clots). He had a filter (basket) in his vena cava close to his heart. That would filter clots out of his blood in case one got to his heart and beyond.
The filter is not 100% reliable.
These health issues turned me off. He and I are 68, and I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with a guy with those ominous health conditions.
That may sound selfish, and if he had been my husband all along, I would not have blinked an eye, knowing I may be taking care of him sooner rather than later.
But, here, I had a choice.
I dated a guy with an insulin pump. I didn’t think that was a dealbreaker. I saw it as a good thing; many people my age have diabetes.
I dated a guy who had a massive heart attack, and, fortunately, he was in the hospital already. He had immediate coronary artery bypass surgery that saved his life. He also had a brain tumor removed and wasn’t sure if it was malignant. Top that with his ruptured Achilles tendon, making it difficult to walk. However, I knew that would heal.
Another guy had bladder cancer he was having chemo for. I wasn’t sure why he would seek a date on a dating site.
The saying a nurse and a purse came to mind.
I won’t even get into dental care, smoking habits, or body hygiene on some men!
Health status makes a difference to me.
Financial stability
I dated a guy with a Corvette, Lexus Minivan, a Dodge Ram pickup truck, a camper, and 11 bikes. His home was on eight acres of beautiful property, and he spent money easily and often.
His home needed a new septic system as he lived in an area with no city sewers. Talking about it with me, he said he needed a loan to get the work done. It needed to be done soon because his whole house was reeking of sewage odor.
I asked him about everything he owned and spent money on all the time. He had just purchased his 11th bike for $5,000! It turned out he was knee-deep in debt. He had multiple credit cards close to their limit.
And he had a high credit score.
I heard the more you spend and keep up with payments, the higher your credit score will go. I owe nothing and have a much lower credit score than him.
The house was mortgaged to the hilt. He was candid with me about it. He said since he was 74 and had no heirs, he didn’t care. His estate would cover as much of his debt as possible, and the rest would be written off.
That's an interesting take on debt, but not one I wanted to jump into with such an irresponsible guy.
Another guy rented a one-bedroom apartment.
He told me he had split his 401K money amongst his five children and had no savings. He lived on his social security. That was a good amount, but what if there was an emergency?
Let’s hope his kids would jump in, care for him, or bail him out.
I was not really into that method of financial stability.
Another guy had no savings and very little money to live on monthly. He had decided to take his social security early and enjoyed it for ten years. But the economy ballooned beyond the raises social security gets yearly, and he got behind.
He was living free in a house one of his kids owned. He had no assets. He had no ambition or desire to get a job.
I have a different way of living and spending my money.
I would not have gotten along with him.
Lifestyle
This is a touchy one. I don't believe in holding past mistakes against someone, but I have my limits.
More than four marriages (unless widowed), certain kinds of felons, adult children living with and sponging off them, and how they keep their home makes a difference to me.
People my age do not change.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. — Maya Angelou
There are exceptions to every rule, but they are rare in this category.
That includes me.
A man with a much different lifestyle than mine will not work out in the long run, so I don't get it started.
It all boils down to the individual and how many red flags you see.
Everyone is different and deserves a chance, but you also deserve to choose what is acceptable and what isn’t.
There is someone for everyone, and if you haven’t found that someone, keep looking.
Don’t settle!
