Post by baza on Jun 14, 2016 21:56:03 GMT -5
Might be worth your while reading "Dysfunctional Marriage Does Your Head In", then "What's Next" to put this post "Owning Your Choices" in to context.
Owning Your Choices.
You have been in your ILIASM shithole for a while (see "Dysfunctional Marriage Does Your Head In") and from that compromised position you are seeing the options ahead of you. And they don't look very palatable (see "What's Next ??")
At this point, you are most likely going to stall, figure its' all too hard and intimidating, and give up.
Temporarily, or permanently.
Perfectly understandable.
However, doing that is essentially the same as deliberately choosing to stay in your ILIASM shithole.
And, that is a perfectly valid choice to make.
But it is IMPERATIVE that you take ownership for that choice *IF* you want to move forward.
It may well be that your avoidant spouses behaviours are the root cause of driving the marriage in to the ditch (and they own that choice and its' eventual consequences) but it is by YOUR choice that you have remained in the dysfunctional situation.
It is not your spouses responsibility that you have chosen to stay, it is yours.
It is not the kids responsibility that you have chosen to stay, it is yours.
If you take ownership of that choice to stay, then you shed your 'victim of circumstances' re-active position, and move into a pro-active position. A position of self determination. A position of strength. A position of empowerment.
It is a pretty radical change in thinking that is required to move from "victim" to "owner", but *IF* you make this transition, a whole new vista opens up for you, and that would include -
- re-affirming your choice to stay
- choosing something different
Both, are perfectly valid options.
Of the lamentably few people who have managed to 180 degree their deal (Time4Living2 would be a good example) and of the many who have gotten out of their deal, every last one of them took ownership of their choice at the "staying" stage. And from that position were able to move forward.
Personally, I don't believe that this "taking ownership of ones choices" is an optional step.
I believe it is one of those pivotal things, and that you can not move forward without embracing this step.
And, it is bloody hard to make that change in your thinking.
It is very tempting to blame the spouse, the kids, the finances, the (insert your favourite here) rather than take ownership of your choice.
But for today, that's my suggestion.
Take ownership of your choice to stay today. It is a perfectly valid choice. Own it.
Tomorrow ?? well that is another day, and in light of tomorrows circumstances, you will get to choose again tomorrow.
You will re-affirm your choice to stay, or mebbe you might choose differently.
Owning Your Choices.
You have been in your ILIASM shithole for a while (see "Dysfunctional Marriage Does Your Head In") and from that compromised position you are seeing the options ahead of you. And they don't look very palatable (see "What's Next ??")
At this point, you are most likely going to stall, figure its' all too hard and intimidating, and give up.
Temporarily, or permanently.
Perfectly understandable.
However, doing that is essentially the same as deliberately choosing to stay in your ILIASM shithole.
And, that is a perfectly valid choice to make.
But it is IMPERATIVE that you take ownership for that choice *IF* you want to move forward.
It may well be that your avoidant spouses behaviours are the root cause of driving the marriage in to the ditch (and they own that choice and its' eventual consequences) but it is by YOUR choice that you have remained in the dysfunctional situation.
It is not your spouses responsibility that you have chosen to stay, it is yours.
It is not the kids responsibility that you have chosen to stay, it is yours.
If you take ownership of that choice to stay, then you shed your 'victim of circumstances' re-active position, and move into a pro-active position. A position of self determination. A position of strength. A position of empowerment.
It is a pretty radical change in thinking that is required to move from "victim" to "owner", but *IF* you make this transition, a whole new vista opens up for you, and that would include -
- re-affirming your choice to stay
- choosing something different
Both, are perfectly valid options.
Of the lamentably few people who have managed to 180 degree their deal (Time4Living2 would be a good example) and of the many who have gotten out of their deal, every last one of them took ownership of their choice at the "staying" stage. And from that position were able to move forward.
Personally, I don't believe that this "taking ownership of ones choices" is an optional step.
I believe it is one of those pivotal things, and that you can not move forward without embracing this step.
And, it is bloody hard to make that change in your thinking.
It is very tempting to blame the spouse, the kids, the finances, the (insert your favourite here) rather than take ownership of your choice.
But for today, that's my suggestion.
Take ownership of your choice to stay today. It is a perfectly valid choice. Own it.
Tomorrow ?? well that is another day, and in light of tomorrows circumstances, you will get to choose again tomorrow.
You will re-affirm your choice to stay, or mebbe you might choose differently.
