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Post by toughtiger on Oct 22, 2023 12:17:10 GMT -5
so as many know i am trying my best to make the best of my roommate only marriage.
It has come to my attention my spouse is NOW treating me like a staff member or his personal assistant ......
If any idea comes up he quickly looks up website to familiarize himself and can then Pretend all was his idea planning and execution to take all credit .. read a complete menu only to find it was a restaurant in another state with same name ... that too was somehow my fault i did not give him the correct address for him to get the correct one ...... the different STATE should have alerted him
.this is everything from family trips / places to stop on road trips / picking restaurants ( all bad experiences he always claims were my idea any success his). I know it sounds petty but it just builds up and i am at a snapping moment. these are things i might not get pissed about if i had a good release.
i made complaints about staff of property management not doing their job ... the upper people have come down on staff and we are seeing movement
NOW he wants to take credit and do any followup .... yet he wants me to go take photos and talk with others all the leg work so he can play the hero .
i corrected him on one of his assumptions and now he is pouts and silent treatment ......
he held my hand for 4 minutes today told me was as intimate as sex ... seriously i have questions about his dementia...... but this was not even in the same ballpark
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diode
Junior Member
Posts: 78 
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Post by diode on Oct 22, 2023 20:13:12 GMT -5
so as many know i am trying my best to make the best of my roommate only marriage. It has come to my attention my spouse is NOW treating me like a staff member or his personal assistant ...... If any idea comes up he quickly looks up website to familiarize himself and can then Pretend all was his idea planning and execution to take all credit .. read a complete menu only to find it was a restaurant in another state with same name ... that too was somehow my fault i did not give him the correct address for him to get the correct one ...... the different STATE should have alerted him .this is everything from family trips / places to stop on road trips / picking restaurants ( all bad experiences he always claims were my idea any success his). I know it sounds petty but it just builds up and i am at a snapping moment. these are things i might not get pissed about if i had a good release. i made complaints about staff of property management not doing their job ... the upper people have come down on staff and we are seeing movement NOW he wants to take credit and do any followup .... yet he wants me to go take photos and talk with others all the leg work so he can play the hero . i corrected him on one of his assumptions and now he is pouts and silent treatment ...... he held my hand for 4 minutes today told me was as intimate as sex ... seriously i have questions about his dementia...... but this was not even in the same ballpark I did so not follow any of that...going back for another look |
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 22, 2023 23:42:29 GMT -5
Forget sex; there are bigger problems here.
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Post by baza on Oct 23, 2023 1:02:13 GMT -5
Your attention sure does seem to be focused on your spouse and his idiosyncacies Sister toughtiger . It might be worth your while getting your focus on you and your future rather than on him and your past. |
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Post by toughtiger on Oct 23, 2023 8:41:59 GMT -5
so as many know i am trying my best to make the best of my roommate only marriage. It has come to my attention my spouse is NOW treating me like a staff member or his personal assistant ...... If any idea comes up he quickly looks up website to familiarize himself and can then Pretend all was his idea planning and execution to take all credit .. read a complete menu only to find it was a restaurant in another state with same name ... that too was somehow my fault i did not give him the correct address for him to get the correct one ...... the different STATE should have alerted him .this is everything from family trips / places to stop on road trips / picking restaurants ( all bad experiences he always claims were my idea any success his). I know it sounds petty but it just builds up and i am at a snapping moment. these are things i might not get pissed about if i had a good release. i made complaints about staff of property management not doing their job ... the upper people have come down on staff and we are seeing movement NOW he wants to take credit and do any followup .... yet he wants me to go take photos and talk with others all the leg work so he can play the hero . i corrected him on one of his assumptions and now he is pouts and silent treatment ...... he held my hand for 4 minutes today told me was as intimate as sex ... seriously i have questions about his dementia...... but this was not even in the same ballpark I did so not follow any of that...going back for another look sorry wrote out when mad ... often lose my focus in being ticked off. We agreed to try new things to make situation more bearable but he just cannot deal with anything he Feels i know more about...... the restaurant thing is example we tried new place and he wants to research menu and type of food like he has been there before to feel superior to me i guess. go to movies same thing he reads up on movie/ actors/ directer to act as if he is teaching me something UGH the other item was i made some progress in getting some long overdue things done in common area of my housing community ( basically reported staff was not doing their job) ... now he wants credit as neighbors thanked me ....... and not him ..... he decided he could complain better seriously and wanted me to gather photos pictures and research when we were told something would be done etc...... I am not his assistant he has many of those at work so even our daughter said "it is as if he thinks you work for him! " As many will say i have bigger problems then NO sex but all of these have seriously ballooned since the no sex thing ... he has become petty and competitive. The more independent and not interested in his boring stuff the more of this happens... If i do something it is if he must one or two up everything it is ridiculous |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 23, 2023 9:19:57 GMT -5
Sounds like trying to undermine self-confidence?
Make you dependent on him?
Just, really sloppy execution?
With genuine curiosity, I'd be wondering why he's doing it.
He's insecure and needs reassurance?
He's deathly afraid of you leaving?
He's upset you've table flipped the marriage and it's punishment, conscious or unconscious?
In any case, it seems like he's on the losing end and compassion might help.
With a time limit, if he doesn't snap out of it.
You're partners, not a team where there's a boss and employee. Maybe he doesn't get the distinction?
Maybe it has been like that in the past, or he thought it was and has not yet shifted gears into a mutual assistance mode where both of you can progress in goals?
He needs to cut it out and the faster he does, the more dignity he gets to keep.
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Post by toughtiger on Oct 23, 2023 10:30:29 GMT -5
Sounds like trying to undermine self-confidence? Make you dependent on him? Just, really sloppy execution? With genuine curiosity, I'd be wondering why he's doing it. He's insecure and needs reassurance? He's deathly afraid of you leaving? He's upset you've table flipped the marriage and it's punishment, conscious or unconscious? In any case, it seems like he's on the losing end and compassion might help. With a time limit, if he doesn't snap out of it. You're partners, not a team where there's a boss and employee. Maybe he doesn't get the distinction? Maybe it has been like that in the past, or he thought it was and has not yet shifted gears into a mutual assistance mode where both of you can progress in goals? He needs to cut it out and the faster he does, the more dignity he gets to keep. all questions i ask myself about this.... had a discussion on it this weekend and he seemingly can control it because he backed off on an item he was trying to take over. he runs from any situation when i tell him we need to readdress the boundaries of the roommate agreement as the marriage part is gone. |
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diode
Junior Member
Posts: 78
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Post by diode on Oct 23, 2023 18:07:36 GMT -5
I did so not follow any of that...going back for another look sorry wrote out when mad ... often lose my focus in being ticked off. We agreed to try new things to make situation more bearable but he just cannot deal with anything he Feels i know more about...... the restaurant thing is example we tried new place and he wants to research menu and type of food like he has been there before to feel superior to me i guess. go to movies same thing he reads up on movie/ actors/ directer to act as if he is teaching me something UGH the other item was i made some progress in getting some long overdue things done in common area of my housing community ( basically reported staff was not doing their job) ... now he wants credit as neighbors thanked me ....... and not him ..... he decided he could complain better seriously and wanted me to gather photos pictures and research when we were told something would be done etc...... I am not his assistant he has many of those at work so even our daughter said "it is as if he thinks you work for him! " As many will say i have bigger problems then NO sex but all of these have seriously ballooned since the no sex thing ... he has become petty and competitive. The more independent and not interested in his boring stuff the more of this happens... If i do something it is if he must one or two up everything it is ridiculous Thanks, I think I understand now. As is the case for many of us, there are plenty of things wrong with your marriage. However, sexlessness can be the factor that determines how tolerant we are of those other problems. "If ya ain't gonna fuck me, ya better not yell at me," etc... |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 24, 2023 9:44:35 GMT -5
I don't think I have heard on giving anyone the silent treatment since I was in high school. On the few times I was the object of such treatment it never ended well. I have always been big on communication. So I found a way to flip the silent treatment and had the other person looking immature and willfull, whch at the time they were.
I applaud you in readdressing the boundries of the roommate agreement. This tells me that he is afraid you might actually leave so he changes his behavior. I believe that you are going to follow in the footstep on other women here who are able to have a FWB and still maintain the marriage. Cudos to you when you find the right guy to have that outsourcing relationship with. I am sure it is just a matter of time and a bit of luck
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 24, 2023 11:33:00 GMT -5
I did so not follow any of that...going back for another look sorry wrote out when mad ... often lose my focus in being ticked off. We agreed to try new things to make situation more bearable This will never be bearable...for you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you still will not be getting that one huge need met. And the resentment will build and poison everything. Even if he isn't trying to get under your skin, he will get under your skin, because eventually all you will see is someone who doesn't want to have sex with you. The only person that wins in a roommate agreement is the refuser. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 25, 2023 5:30:58 GMT -5
had a discussion on it this weekend and he seemingly can control it because he backed off on an item he was trying to take over. he runs from any situation when i tell him we need to readdress the boundaries of the roommate agreement as the marriage part is gone. Sounds like Renee Swanson's husband. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/id1566895530Does he feel unappreciated by the world? Feels you are disloyal and unsupportive? Touchy as hell? He may not be as bad and may respond better to a bit of guidance than Swanson's ex. Covert narcissists are not necessarily even aware of their condition. He may also not be a covert narcissist. A lot of amateur misdiagnosing is all the rage lately. Just looking to supply potential tools for improvement. Now that you're not feeling compelled to serve his whims, use your power for good. |
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Post by toughtiger on Nov 6, 2023 10:08:14 GMT -5
Another episode in the i see roommates is NOT working...
i went back to work and trying to gain more financial cushion.... he managed to do less then before .....
first weekend i asked what to shop for in food as i do not have all day to cook any longer .... NO help ... NO suggestions....
i told him my boss told me about a restaurant .........he decides we need to go.... as we left the restaurant he said "it was a good thing he found this place."... he never heard of it until i mentioned the comment from MY boss. everything i mention he wants to again come up with something better or claim credit.
i told him i needed to shop for some things.... one was socks ................i got a 15 minute lecture about the brand and type He buys and how they are much more superior... flashed my breasts at him told him i am NOT a dude and do not need old man socks. marched outside to fix an area of gutter that was leaking while he sat on couch and online shopped for god only know what .......he spends hours online at Amazon ... nothing shows up at house.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 6, 2023 11:24:05 GMT -5
Another episode in the i see roommates is NOT working... i went back to work and trying to gain more financial cushion.... he managed to do less then before ..... first weekend i asked what to shop for in food as i do not have all day to cook any longer .... NO help ... NO suggestions.... I have some cooking suggestions for you guaranteed to reduce your time in the kitchen.....Kentucky Fried Chucken, Long John Silvers Seafood, Domino's Pizza, Jack In the Box, Subway, Door Dash. I could go on but you get this idea I'm sure....... |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 6, 2023 17:23:26 GMT -5
Another episode in the i see roommates is NOT working... i went back to work and trying to gain more financial cushion.... he managed to do less then before ..... first weekend i asked what to shop for in food as i do not have all day to cook any longer .... NO help ... NO suggestions.... i told him my boss told me about a restaurant .........he decides we need to go.... as we left the restaurant he said "it was a good thing he found this place."... he never heard of it until i mentioned the comment from MY boss. everything i mention he wants to again come up with something better or claim credit. i told him i needed to shop for some things.... one was socks ................i got a 15 minute lecture about the brand and type He buys and how they are much more superior... flashed my breasts at him told him i am NOT a dude and do not need old man socks. marched outside to fix an area of gutter that was leaking while he sat on couch and online shopped for god only know what .......he spends hours online at Amazon ... nothing shows up at house. Man I would trade you for the flashes and do all the cooking and house repairs😂🤣😂 wait I already do those things but no flashes😏 He might need to find another way to try and knock your socks off😂😉 |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 14, 2023 7:34:37 GMT -5
Another episode in the i see roommates is NOT working... i went back to work and trying to gain more financial cushion.... he managed to do less then before ..... first weekend i asked what to shop for in food as i do not have all day to cook any longer .... NO help ... NO suggestions.... i told him my boss told me about a restaurant .........he decides we need to go.... as we left the restaurant he said "it was a good thing he found this place."... he never heard of it until i mentioned the comment from MY boss. everything i mention he wants to again come up with something better or claim credit. i told him i needed to shop for some things.... one was socks ................i got a 15 minute lecture about the brand and type He buys and how they are much more superior... flashed my breasts at him told him i am NOT a dude and do not need old man socks. marched outside to fix an area of gutter that was leaking while he sat on couch and online shopped for god only know what .......he spends hours online at Amazon ... nothing shows up at house. Sounds to me like you are building up your arsenal of reasons why you no longer can remain married? I've read story after story of people who come on here claiming " our marriage is great except the sex"....and then a few posts later,deeper into the story, more and more stronger issues arise showing the marriage and the sex, ended, died a long, long time ago. "irreconcilable differences" is the legal term for it. On one hand it's " why chasing". Then on the other hand it's learning how to set boundaries and enforce them ,as you continue to press forward with a new partner in the future. PS: Don't be buying socks and underwear for an adult! let him do his own damn shopping for 'basics', let him choose what he wants,and/or let him go without, like raising a child. Start detaching yourself more and more. Set boundaries. |
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