I have been out 6 years. The ex didn't take the divorce well. For the most part we don't talk. When he is being decent sometimes we will. The only time we have had to be together is birth of first grandchild .. so awkward. My daughter's wedding.. again awkward. And now my son is getting married. This should be the last time we have to be together. I wish I could enjoy it but he's been blowing up my phone with whining and lies. I just want it over.
Yes mine remains a royal pain in the bum too. All hostile and vile one minute, then needy and can’t do enough the next. He seems to struggle to understand that his choices have consequences and the periods when he is vile to me changes not just my engagement with him, but that of our now adult children too. Pretty much all of the bridge has been burned now and he seems to believe an apology and an expression of realisation of what he did will suffice. Not a chance.
Sometimes he seems unable to understand that things have changed close to five years after I called it quits. He recently got upset that I did not turn to him when I had an issue with something tricky for me and easy for him. Why would I? I left him.
Our son graduates from university this academic year, and as described above the whole thing will be compromised by the proximity of my ex-H. But then, it also would have been compromised by his presence if I hadn’t got out. That is an outcome of history I cannot escape, but I have come to terms with it and navigate around it all as best I can. I will enjoy these moments with today’s compromise much more happily than I would have had I not got out, married to a man I dislike who neglected me in almost every way, for whom my loneliness and despair were a nuisance. That helps quite a bit in the moment to cope, stay calm and keep it pleasant for the offspring.
Last Edit: Oct 11, 2023 17:31:35 GMT -5 by isthisit
Post by angeleyes65 on Oct 10, 2023 16:57:15 GMT -5
For some reason the app isn't working and I can't like any post on the web/desk top view. He makes everything about me/him when he sees me. But I'm not missing my kids weddings. Since I've been out so long and he knows I live with my boyfriend I was planning on bringing him. He is more involved in the kids and grandkids life than my ex is. But he told my daughter he would " lose it on him" and I don't want the wedding to be about him. So I guess I'm coming alone. I'm just so mad. And relieved this will be the last thing.
That sucks that things have to be awkward at family gatherings. I remembered my godparents had a divorce with 5 kids and them being amicable with each other during all their weddings, graduations and all of life’s celebrations. I was looking from the outside in and thinking back I have a lot of respect for both of them. One or both brought there significant others with them to. All there kids turned out just fine to this day. Best of luck to you.
Have you tried a good stage yawn when he begins his "me, me, me" routine? I know its just my innate snarkiness coming out, but I would be tempted to say something like, "Do you mind if I tape this? It sounds like it will help with my insomnia."
But, then again, that's just me, which cannot be a good thing.