Washington Post Article about dating after age 50
Sept 28, 2023 17:22:20 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 28, 2023 17:22:20 GMT -5
"People who date at older ages often are looking for different qualities than when they were younger.
“When people are in their 20s, they are looking for a life partner, in most cases a parent for their children and a person with whom to make their fortune,” Russo said. “Younger people might seek out partners with certain educational backgrounds, social class, religion or income level, in hopes of building long-term wealth and family. They may want to date people with qualities that meet expectations set for them by the parents or their peers.”
When you’re older, have an income and lifetime of experience, and are no longer intending or able to have children, those qualities don’t necessarily matter as much.
“Those boxes people tick off on dating websites, this religion, this level of education, this kind of income, most of that does not matter,” said Russo, a journalist who interviewed dozens of couples and experts while researching her book.
As an older person, “you are looking for certain emotional qualities, a certain kind of chemistry," Russo said. "Really, what you’re looking for is a companion, a lover and a friend.”
Older daters more sure of themselves
Twice widowed herself, Russo tried to date again in her 60s. “None of my friends knew anyone to set me up with,” she said. “But then I went online and there were all these people announcing they were available.”
Older people tend to know themselves better and can more easily suss out when something may not feel right. Russo met her partner of seven years when she was 68.
“I knew what I was looking for; I knew what I didn’t want,” she said. “When I told him the story about the deaths of my husbands, tears formed in his eyes, and he touched my hand. It just clicked.”
Kramer, who has been with her partner since last September, primarily met people over video chat before seeing them in person.
“I did not want to waste my time sitting and having meaningless conversations with people,” she said. “I wanted to get a sense of, ‘can I laugh with this person, do we get each other, was there chemistry, an emotional chemistry that resonated with this person.’ I wanted to see, ‘could I imagine kissing this person?’”
“If I couldn’t imagine it, well, it was nice talking to you,” Kramer said.
Less likely to compromise
Older daters are pickier than younger ones, Fisher said, even though the dating pool gets smaller with age. In a 2011 study she did for Match, she found that younger men were more likely than older men to choose a partner they weren’t sexually attracted to or madly in love with, a phenomenon she attributes to the reproductive drive.
“My hypothesis is that the young have to reproduce. They have to have babies, and so they’re going to be more likely to compromise,” she said. “After your reproductive years are over, you’re less likely to compromise.”
Older daters also say there’s less pressure in dating. Joe Miksch, a 51-year-old Pittsburgh resident who got back into dating after his second divorce in 2019, said it’s a lot easier to weather rejection now than when he was younger." www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/09/28/dating-over-50-senior-singles-goals/
“When people are in their 20s, they are looking for a life partner, in most cases a parent for their children and a person with whom to make their fortune,” Russo said. “Younger people might seek out partners with certain educational backgrounds, social class, religion or income level, in hopes of building long-term wealth and family. They may want to date people with qualities that meet expectations set for them by the parents or their peers.”
When you’re older, have an income and lifetime of experience, and are no longer intending or able to have children, those qualities don’t necessarily matter as much.
“Those boxes people tick off on dating websites, this religion, this level of education, this kind of income, most of that does not matter,” said Russo, a journalist who interviewed dozens of couples and experts while researching her book.
As an older person, “you are looking for certain emotional qualities, a certain kind of chemistry," Russo said. "Really, what you’re looking for is a companion, a lover and a friend.”
Older daters more sure of themselves
Twice widowed herself, Russo tried to date again in her 60s. “None of my friends knew anyone to set me up with,” she said. “But then I went online and there were all these people announcing they were available.”
Older people tend to know themselves better and can more easily suss out when something may not feel right. Russo met her partner of seven years when she was 68.
“I knew what I was looking for; I knew what I didn’t want,” she said. “When I told him the story about the deaths of my husbands, tears formed in his eyes, and he touched my hand. It just clicked.”
Kramer, who has been with her partner since last September, primarily met people over video chat before seeing them in person.
“I did not want to waste my time sitting and having meaningless conversations with people,” she said. “I wanted to get a sense of, ‘can I laugh with this person, do we get each other, was there chemistry, an emotional chemistry that resonated with this person.’ I wanted to see, ‘could I imagine kissing this person?’”
“If I couldn’t imagine it, well, it was nice talking to you,” Kramer said.
Less likely to compromise
Older daters are pickier than younger ones, Fisher said, even though the dating pool gets smaller with age. In a 2011 study she did for Match, she found that younger men were more likely than older men to choose a partner they weren’t sexually attracted to or madly in love with, a phenomenon she attributes to the reproductive drive.
“My hypothesis is that the young have to reproduce. They have to have babies, and so they’re going to be more likely to compromise,” she said. “After your reproductive years are over, you’re less likely to compromise.”
Older daters also say there’s less pressure in dating. Joe Miksch, a 51-year-old Pittsburgh resident who got back into dating after his second divorce in 2019, said it’s a lot easier to weather rejection now than when he was younger." www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/09/28/dating-over-50-senior-singles-goals/