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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 6, 2023 10:09:22 GMT -5
Counciling for me is for how I personally adapt to the current situation. Day to day at the moment my thoughts change from wanting to leave to wanting to stay. While we both do our own counciling I've talked with her about how important some kind of sexual contact is and we're determining what that might look like together. Do we do mutual massage nights, will she touch my dick at all, or maybe use the fleshlight on me. We're trying to find her comfort limit. Once I know for sure what those limits are, I'll look more seriously at leaving or outsourcing but if there's a chance of some, even limited sexual contact it'll go a long way for me. I don't doubt that a little would go a long way, but here's the problem...why you are grappling with a counselor, trying to beg for the tiniest scrap of affection, she's in the other room banging out the latest sex scene in her book. Oh wait, but she says she's asexual. She's full of shit. And if she isn't, it's damn sure a waste of time to be in counseling. One of those things are true. Will she touch your dick either way? No, unless she thinks it'll keep you around for another 5 years. Unless it's the ONLY way to keep you around for another five years and she thinks you are ACTUALLY on the brink of leaving. But you aren't getting sex ever again with her. You know it, she knows it, we know it, the counselor knows it. You've already stated you are staying because of finances. A counselor will not change that. YOU have to change that. And I'm not bashing that decision. I stayed for my own bullshit reasons until the script was flipped on me, so I get it. But you already have everything you need to make an informed decision, and to take the measures yourself. There will be no revelation in a therapist's office. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Oct 6, 2023 10:36:20 GMT -5
Counciling for me is for how I personally adapt to the current situation. Day to day at the moment my thoughts change from wanting to leave to wanting to stay. While we both do our own counciling I've talked with her about how important some kind of sexual contact is and we're determining what that might look like together. Do we do mutual massage nights, will she touch my dick at all, or maybe use the fleshlight on me. We're trying to find her comfort limit. Once I know for sure what those limits are, I'll look more seriously at leaving or outsourcing but if there's a chance of some, even limited sexual contact it'll go a long way for me. I don't doubt that a little would go a long way, but here's the problem...why you are grappling with a counselor, trying to beg for the tiniest scrap of affection, she's in the other room banging out the latest sex scene in her book. Oh wait, but she says she's asexual. She's full of shit. And if she isn't, it's damn sure a waste of time to be in counseling. One of those things are true. Will she touch your dick either way? No, unless she thinks it'll keep you around for another 5 years. Unless it's the ONLY way to keep you around for another five years and she thinks you are ACTUALLY on the brink of leaving. But you aren't getting sex ever again with her. You know it, she knows it, we know it, the counselor knows it. You've already stated you are staying because of finances. A counselor will not change that. YOU have to change that. And I'm not bashing that decision. I stayed for my own bullshit reasons until the script was flipped on me, so I get it. But you already have everything you need to make an informed decision, and to take the measures yourself. There will be no revelation in a therapist's office. I don't disagree. Like I said my internal monologue flips day to day. |
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Post by baza on Oct 7, 2023 2:58:57 GMT -5
I Understand the too-ing and fro-ing you are going through Brother m76 It would be smart to consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would -theoretically - shake out for you Putting together a - theoretical - exit strategy is a good idea. Utilising your counselling sessions to assist you through such a - theoretical - situation would also be useful. Shoring up your support network to help you through such a - theoretical - scenario would be another thing to do. None of this commits you to anything, it is just you gathering information and getting prepared so you can make a fully informed choice when the time comes. Any married person needs to know these things, because ALL marriages end. Good ones or ILIASM deals. Death or divorce attest to that fact. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 15, 2023 18:24:30 GMT -5
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Oct 15, 2023 21:09:44 GMT -5
So wife finally said to me today that as far as physical contact goes, she'd be willing to massage me. But she's planning this in a week from now when she gets back from a business trip.
That's it, that's what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life until she gets bored of that too. After telling her how much it hurts that we don't have sex I get to look forward to what will likely be a once a month massage.
This isn't enough, this isn't what a marriage is supposed to be. Fml.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 15, 2023 22:06:01 GMT -5
So wife finally said to me today that as far as physical contact goes, she'd be willing to massage me. But she's planning this in a week from now when she gets back from a business trip. That's it, that's what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life until she gets bored of that too. After telling her how much it hurts that we don't have sex I get to look forward to what will likely be a once a month massage. This isn't enough, this isn't what a marriage is supposed to be. Fml. Hey m76! perhaps this needs repeating, the wedding vows your W agreed to, not just agreed to, pledged, promised ,committed her life to. To have and to hold. She has blatantly stated that will NOT be given to you any more.
To love and to cherish. See above.
To honor and respect. Your needs are not honored or respected. Now, weather you're a religious person or not, it doesn't matter - it's still a pledge, a promise, an act of trust that is being blatantly, openly violated.
Use this as your foundation for justifying your right to expect and demand these things now, and in the future, if never from her.. than give and receive back from some one else. This was very useful for me in my journey, and continues, as I set boundaries and standards for myself. |
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Post by csl on Oct 16, 2023 7:43:25 GMT -5
So wife finally said to me today that as far as physical contact goes, she'd be willing to massage me. But she's planning this in a week from now when she gets back from a business trip. That's it, that's what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life until she gets bored of that too. After telling her how much it hurts that we don't have sex I get to look forward to what will likely be a once a month massage. This isn't enough, this isn't what a marriage is supposed to be. Fml. She laid her cards on the table, apparently unequivocally. Now it's your choice as to how you want to play this hand. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 11, 2023 9:16:04 GMT -5
Just thought I would get an early start, after all Valentines Day is only 1 month away Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 20, 2024 7:45:20 GMT -5
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 29, 2024 23:30:46 GMT -5
So wife finally said to me today that as far as physical contact goes, she'd be willing to massage me. But she's planning this in a week from now when she gets back from a business trip. That's it, that's what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life until she gets bored of that too. After telling her how much it hurts that we don't have sex I get to look forward to what will likely be a once a month massage. This isn't enough, this isn't what a marriage is supposed to be. Fml. When she gets back from the business trip, I wouldn't be there. |
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