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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 12, 2016 8:05:42 GMT -5
I'm one of the ones who finds those beautiful memories sustaining. They remind me what is possible. Agreed! They say we learn from our mistakes, I learn from my triumphs too! What also reminds me of what is possible is the moments I share with my teenage daughter. Looking at the stars outside with the Ipad identifying planets! Climbing trees, fences, tables together. Surfing, boogie boarding , bringing the dog to the beach, chasing crabs, watching sea turtles lay their eggs, pushing her on the swings, campfires in the backyard, grocery shopping, fixing bicycles, etc.... All those things that another women would cherish having someone to share with. Just standing alone at night in our secluded backyard wondering how it would be to be with someone who desires me again. These can all be motivators to press on towards a new beginning! |
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 12, 2016 9:00:50 GMT -5
I have great memories from different relationships. I think right after a relationship is over it can be hard to think about them (if the relationship was serious and ended badly), but I think of myself as an adventurer and these memories are of some of my adventures. I'm glad to have some good stories to tell.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2016 12:29:49 GMT -5
For me, the memories are painful, because while I have many moments where I would have liked to have frozen time and lived in the moment forever, it was so perfect and blissful, now all the memories make me feel is empty. Empty feeling that in the end everything turns to shit so what is the point in trying. Empty, worrying that as futile as the results of those memories always are, I still desperately and irrationally want to try (and inebitBly have my heart broken again in the process) to have such memories again. Excuse the relentless negativity, that's just intractable chronic depression speaking. Even when it's well medicated it breaks out of its straight jacket at least once a day. Helen, you've said a mouthful. I think this is the problem with reminiscing over the past. Good or bad, it's gone, and the only point in dwelling in it is to learn from it. But even if we are learning from it -- as with ANY study of history -- we need to view it accurately and in the proper context. Even looking back at my kids' baby pictures and movies of when they were little, I have to understand that those days are gone (depressing) but that there is still life ahead (useful and encouraging). So, in large part, I avoid dwelling too much on them. And I try to apply the same reason to past relationships and accomplishments. There are reasons they're in the past. There has to be hope to look forward to. Otherwise, we fall into a pit of nihilism -- there isn't enough Prozac in the world to fix that. |
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Post by baza on Jun 13, 2016 5:16:35 GMT -5
If you have some intense memory (be it good or bad) with another person in a particular place, then that memory is there, burnt in to your brain.
There is no shifting it, no re-writing it, no altering it.
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BUT, it does NOT follow that the person you shared *that moment* with, has any relevance to your life today (or tomorrow).
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Likewise, there are going to be intense events (good and bad) with another person in a particular place in your future.
It doesn't follow that the person you share *that moment* with has any relevance to your life today (or yesterday).
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This whole subject puts me in mind of one school of thought that when you divorce, you are - "throwing away X years of your life"
That, is a bullshit proposition in my opinion.
Your history (and memories there-of) is your history.
Not erasable.
Not alterable.
Nothing can change your history, and your history can not be thrown away.
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And every day, the process of adding to your history begins anew.
What you do (or don't do) today, adds to your history. It doesn't "replace" your existing history.
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A couple of questions for you -
When you left junior school, did you wipe all that history from your mind ?
How bout when you finished university ? Did what went before become meaningless ?
When you changed jobs ? Did you try and scrub that out of your memory ?
Your first love affair ? Have your memories of that been deleted ?
Your first bust up ? Forgotten that have you ?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 5:51:05 GMT -5
This just brought up some unforgettable memories... :-( It's so painful... Clearly men have an entirely different view on relationships... And Paris. The one in France. Not all men..... There are beautiful memories, but much too intimate, and ultimately, much too painful, to post here. I'm finding now that I can share them, but only when my heart is in the hands of someone who cares for me. Someone I trust to hold it safe while I do. Someone I want to show the beauty that I've seen, the pain that I've felt, and the possibilities of what I want in my life. Someone I would be looking forward to making new ones with. How the relationship you formed those memories with played out has a lot to do with how you feel about them. We had a fun and colorful week in Memphis. Why didn't I elaborate? Because every time I think about this person now it feels like a 2x4 to the head. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 13, 2016 13:51:01 GMT -5
I can have both reactions to a given memory. Wistful or grateful. I know that self-pity can literally kill me though (kill my sobriety viewpoint anyway). I had some Parises. One of them was way, way back around age 20 with Loverman (hence my excitement when he contacted last year). Now I have gotten a lot more Parises this past year with Loverman. I do, in fact, also have a Paris Missouri with my ex. (before we were married and were both still young & limber enough to sleep on the ground in a tent - and do more than only sleep). I do not have many Parises from being married to him, sad to say. I can think of a few that with him before being married though.
I am grateful I got out of my SM before I was too much more damaged, honestly. I don't feel too bad about the possibilities of making more Parises in my future. In fact, I am pretty sure I will have more of them in my future than I do in my past and this round, I will know better how to properly savor & relish them.
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Post by tinymouse on Jun 13, 2016 22:45:28 GMT -5
Is it sad that I can't think or remember of any with my ex?
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 14, 2016 0:04:37 GMT -5
Is it sad that I can't think or remember of any with my ex? Very. And you're not the only one in that boat. DC |
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Post by samedeepwater on Jun 14, 2016 7:39:31 GMT -5
Speaking of "Paris"... How many have found themselves in an amazingly romantic / picturesque / memorable / fantasy experience - only to realize it was wasted on the wrong person? Would you want a "redo" with the right person? Or would you resolve yourself to only new experiences? To the first question, yes. In fact, it was even worse than realizing it was with the wrong person. The amazingly romantic / picturesque / memorable / fantasy experience more often than not, never even got off the ground in the first place. And as far as the second question, I don't want a redo. I not only left my marriage behind, I left the old me behind. I want to build new memories with that special someone. I think we can certainly take lessons from the past, but at this point, I'm only and forever looking forward. |
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