|
|
Post by obobfla on Jun 11, 2016 15:20:11 GMT -5
After talking to several other forum members about starting new relationships and looking back on old ones, the final scene from Casablanca came into my mind. Rick turns to Ilsa and says "We will always have Paris."
Now, I have never been to Paris, France. I haven't been to Paris, Texas either. But I have memories of past relationships that I keep with me. They are my own "Parises" where a lady and I had that special something no one else could have.
With my wife, two instances come to mind. One time before we were married, she was wearing a teddy, and we were lying on her apartment floor. My wife had a beautiful singing voice, although she often sang too loud and strong. But this time, she sang "My Funny Valentine" so sweetly with a smile on her face. Another time when we first started dating, she came over to my place after work. I had just gotten a small white kitten, and my wife was in love with the kitten. She took off her pants because they were dirty. I remember her running around the apartment in her panties as she was trying to get the kitten to chase her. She seemed like a playful little girl.
With another girlfriend, it was tater tots. She came over for dinner, and we fed each other tater tots as foreplay. That led to a night of incredible sex. Even as I go to the grocery store today, I walk past the frozen potato section and smile.
With an AP, the Paris was St. Augustine, where we rode a horse-drawn carriage through the old town at night. It was a weekend in October, and Van Morrison's "Moondance" played in my head. We had a great "Moondance" later.
I am still with my wife, although I am starting to pack my parachute for the big jump. The other two women have moved on to other men. They are Facebook friends, but that is all. No matter the current status of those relationships, I have those memories that have made those relationships special.
But I want more Parises. I want to meet more women and create those special memories. I don't need a lifetime commitment, but I do want a time of caring and passion. If the opportunity to go to Paris comes along, I won't pass it up, wherever Paris may be.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jun 11, 2016 15:34:20 GMT -5
What nice memories.
I had Paris with my husband prior to marriage but it was Paris, Texas not France.
Not sure I had Paris with him.
|
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on Jun 11, 2016 15:37:37 GMT -5
You need to go to Paris with someone new.
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jun 11, 2016 19:43:25 GMT -5
Speaking of "Paris"... How many have found themselves in an amazingly romantic / picturesque / memorable / fantasy experience - only to realize it was wasted on the wrong person?
Would you want a "redo" with the right person? Or would you resolve yourself to only new experiences?
|
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on Jun 11, 2016 19:56:30 GMT -5
Interesting. I wouldn't mind going back to some of those places and try it again with another person. I'd love to take another woman to St. Augustine or the Keys. For our honeymoon, my wife and I rented a house on an island in the keys that was only accessible by boat. I would love to try that again with someone else. And if any woman wants to be fed tater tots or some other finger food, just message me!
But it's not just the place. No one else could have sang to me like my wife did that night. She can't sing like that anymore. And the St. Augustine trip meant a lot because of what it did for my male ego. After the years of refusal, a woman found me attractive again. Yes, timing is everything. But I wouldn't mind trying again.
|
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on Jun 11, 2016 21:34:02 GMT -5
This just brought up some unforgettable memories... :-( It's so painful... Clearly men have an entirely different view on relationships... And Paris. The one in France. Sorry if this triggered painful memories. A lot of men feel the way you do. I don't think it matters what sex we are. I think it matters how we deal with the past. With all I have been through, I have to hang on whatever positive in my life I can. Self-pity can literally kill me, and my death would not be a good one. These experiences remind me that I can enjoy life and not despair. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2016 21:50:54 GMT -5
This just brought up some unforgettable memories... :-( It's so painful... Clearly men have an entirely different view on relationships... And Paris. The one in France. Sorry if this triggered painful memories. A lot of men feel the way you do. I don't think it matters what sex we are. I think it matters how we deal with the past. With all I have been through, I have to hang on whatever positive in my life I can. Self-pity can literally kill me, and my death would not be a good one. These experiences remind me that I can enjoy life and not despair. For me, the memories are painful, because while I have many moments where I would have liked to have frozen time and lived in the moment forever, it was so perfect and blissful, now all the memories make me feel is empty. Empty feeling that in the end everything turns to shit so what is the point in trying. Empty, worrying that as futile as the results of those memories always are, I still desperately and irrationally want to try (and inebitBly have my heart broken again in the process) to have such memories again. Excuse the relentless negativity, that's just intractable chronic depression speaking. Even when it's well medicated it breaks out of its straight jacket at least once a day. |
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Jun 11, 2016 21:58:04 GMT -5
I am with @helentishappy on this one (mostly). Earlier a I started to write something in response to this, It made me so incredibly sad, I couldn't finish it.
Oh, broken hearts. I actually believe that it is worth it again, but I am still mourning the loss of what "could" have been, unfortunately.
|
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on Jun 11, 2016 22:25:28 GMT -5
For me, the memories are painful, because while I have many moments where I would have liked to have frozen time and lived in the moment forever, it was so perfect and blissful, now all the memories make me feel is empty. Empty feeling that in the end everything turns to shit so what is the point in trying. Empty, worrying that as futile as the results of those memories always are, I still desperately and irrationally want to try (and inebitBly have my heart broken again in the process) to have such memories again. Excuse the relentless negativity, that's just intractable chronic depression speaking. Even when it's well medicated it breaks out of its straight jacket at least once a day. I too suffer from depression, although it is not as bad as it once was. I remember feeling so depressed that I couldn't remember what happiness felt like. I knew I had some enjoyable moments, but all I could recall emotionally was the sadness. Always remember, depression lies. It is a cruel and dangerous disease. If you need to know more, read this: www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/03/23/i-told-the-truth-in-my-sisters-obituary-so-that-others-might-choose-to-live/. I don't want to listen to the lies. Thankfully, my son makes me laugh at least once a day. I talk to people here to remind me that things can get better. I hang onto the memories to remind me that good times are always possible. I may be going off to war while the love of my life gets on a plane with another man. But dammit, I had Paris! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2016 22:46:33 GMT -5
obobfla thank you. Depression does lie and for the most part I have learned to recognize when it's just lying its heart out and wait for the storm to pass over. Damn, though, I wonder what it's like to live without it. I'd gladly trade hay fever for the chance to exchange diseases for a week to see what it feels like not to have a black cloud in your brain 24/7 you have to try to tune out. Depression has given me gifts like empathy, an easier time connecting with other people, looking for what matters in life instead of running around chasing the next achievement, etc. But I think it's given me all the gifts I needed and I'm ready to release it now, 20 years of its teachings is enough.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2016 22:50:29 GMT -5
Memphis.
'Nuff said.
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jun 12, 2016 1:12:28 GMT -5
Interesting perspectives here... I wonder if it really is a gender-typical difference.
For me, the memorable moments sustain me during the emotional drought. It sounds like, for the women responding here, the memories rub salt in the wound by reminding them what they don't have.
As for remaking memories, I agree that you can't remanufacture them with someone new. They're unique to the time, place, and people.
Rather, I have found myself in some amazing places, like a small castle-turned-hotel on a snowy mountainside. A log cabin alongside a stream in the woods. A tiny B&B with a panoramic view of the Alps. Magical settings, but shared with someone who completely missed the romantic value. I question if I could revisit them (taking a fresh run at their romantic potential) without the past casting a shadow on it, or if it's better to write them off.
|
|
|
|
Post by itsjustus on Jun 12, 2016 3:15:10 GMT -5
This just brought up some unforgettable memories... :-( It's so painful... Clearly men have an entirely different view on relationships... And Paris. The one in France. Not all men..... There are beautiful memories, but much too intimate, and ultimately, much too painful, to post here. I'm finding now that I can share them, but only when my heart is in the hands of someone who cares for me. Someone I trust to hold it safe while I do. Someone I want to show the beauty that I've seen, the pain that I've felt, and the possibilities of what I want in my life. Someone I would be looking forward to making new ones with. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2016 7:42:10 GMT -5
I'm one of the ones who finds those beautiful memories sustaining. They remind me what is possible.
|
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Jun 12, 2016 7:52:30 GMT -5
For me at least, i think it would depend on if it is the PLACE that was special or the "situation" that was special. I would share a place with someone else, but I'm not sure that trying to "rewrite" a memory would be fair to anyone.
|
|
