Post by lr79 on Jul 17, 2024 9:07:30 GMT -5
So am back with….well some sort of update (this is on both this page and the Choosing to stay page as have posted on both in recent times
Firstly we did at least stop our dry run reach 3 years (since July 2021) as we did the deed one night in early May, though the fact my wife’s immediate reaction to that was to freak out and go and get the morning after pill the following day (despite being on her TOTM) has basically put me right off her all over again so when the next time will be is anyone’s guess!
Unfortunately unlike normal guys I don’t get on well with condoms (one of many things that I am envious or jealous of others about in a pretty lengthy list) I am cursing that I didn’t get more experience sexually when I was younger as wife is pretty much only relationship I have had until I was 30 I was just the guy that could seemingly never find anyone as A) believed or had insults drummed into me referring to me as ugly, B) had plenty of rejections C) got led on by a girl for 2 years when she never had remote interest in me other than a friend so while lots of people around me had relationships etc I never did – was pretty much virgin until I was 30 (am 45 now)
Wife believes right time to try for family is in the autumn but given I have been waiting for a seemingly endless amount of time (as wanted family of my one since I was a kid its probably the main thing I want in life) and because of things she has said and done when she knows I have wanted a family for so long I don’t buy it one bit – we have been together 15 years this November and married for 10 and in my opinion that is WAY too long to leave it and with our ages of me being 45 and her 40 get the sinking feeling more and more we are leaving it too late now my best mate is about to have their 2nd and he is 28 I am envious but at least I am happy for them – otherwise I would be a very sh**ty person with a very sh**ty life (the latter part I am tempted to say is true)
Yes people do have children in their 40’s and yes men do have a longer span biologically but lets face it when your barely having sex once a year on average its not exactly promising grounds is it?!
We went on a spa day for my birthday last month and on a 4 night break to Turkey 2 weeks ago, but no action of any sort happened – she wouldn’t even hold hands as she can’t manage to well in the warmer/hotter weather, I even braved it a few times round the pool by taking my top off and I never do that normally (either coz don’t feel attractive or think my body is too hairy). Plenty of couples were all over each other in and around the pool, and plenty of women in swimsuits and bikinis (add all of that to the jealousy/envy pile as that’s not what I have in life)
I have also bonded over recent weeks and months with a girl I work with as we’ve been looking out for and confiding in each other a lot (me about all this and her about the unhappy marriage she is in and family situations) she is 9-10 years younger than me I find her very attractive but A) she is Pakistani and I am english so culturally can probably never happen, B) she prob won’t like me in that way anyway (she did address me as “Handsome” in a whatsapp in recent days but that prob doesn’t mean anything) C) she has this guy who she is close with and think she likes him in that way – I’ve told her all about my lack of sex etc and she the same. Today she bought herself something from Ann Summers (as can see the bag) no idea what the item(s) are but my wife will NEVER wear anything like that, and me asking her to? Well I might as well enter Miss World as got more chance of winning that than her ever wearing lingerie/sexy underwear etc (and yes I did know that when we first met) so in regards to guys who have partners who wear lingerie/sexy underwear/bikinis etc yep you’ve guessed it into the jealousy/envy pile it goes
So life at home is rather lonely (I sometimes don’t even want to go home from work) as one of us will play computer games on our main telly while the other does something else, sometimes in a day or evening she will be laying up in bed (as she works long hard shifts as a nurse) all that will happen in bed is she will be asleep and I will lie awake for ages (as a light sleeper) using my hand and an active imagination fantasizing (and usually not about my wife)
I would never actively look to cheat or have an affair (yes I am jealous of those that can or have had affairs and either prosper by moving onto better or they get away with it scott free) but the deep down reality is I feel like I am chasing happiness and a fulfilling sex life (I have probably never had the latter) and am never going to have either which is a pretty dark place to be in
There are reasons why I haven’t called it a day with her A) we own house which we would lose as neither can afford to buy the other out, B) when we argue she usually claims she can take me for loads of money in divorce despite fact house is equally ours (I have paid every mortgage payment and pay most bills but she has paid for windows/kitchen/bathroom/garden being done) C) it won’t get me any closer to having family of my own which is my ultimate dream (probably further away) D) 100% convinced I would never find anyone else again dark place to be in
Firstly we did at least stop our dry run reach 3 years (since July 2021) as we did the deed one night in early May, though the fact my wife’s immediate reaction to that was to freak out and go and get the morning after pill the following day (despite being on her TOTM) has basically put me right off her all over again so when the next time will be is anyone’s guess!
Unfortunately unlike normal guys I don’t get on well with condoms (one of many things that I am envious or jealous of others about in a pretty lengthy list) I am cursing that I didn’t get more experience sexually when I was younger as wife is pretty much only relationship I have had until I was 30 I was just the guy that could seemingly never find anyone as A) believed or had insults drummed into me referring to me as ugly, B) had plenty of rejections C) got led on by a girl for 2 years when she never had remote interest in me other than a friend so while lots of people around me had relationships etc I never did – was pretty much virgin until I was 30 (am 45 now)
Wife believes right time to try for family is in the autumn but given I have been waiting for a seemingly endless amount of time (as wanted family of my one since I was a kid its probably the main thing I want in life) and because of things she has said and done when she knows I have wanted a family for so long I don’t buy it one bit – we have been together 15 years this November and married for 10 and in my opinion that is WAY too long to leave it and with our ages of me being 45 and her 40 get the sinking feeling more and more we are leaving it too late now my best mate is about to have their 2nd and he is 28 I am envious but at least I am happy for them – otherwise I would be a very sh**ty person with a very sh**ty life (the latter part I am tempted to say is true)
Yes people do have children in their 40’s and yes men do have a longer span biologically but lets face it when your barely having sex once a year on average its not exactly promising grounds is it?!
We went on a spa day for my birthday last month and on a 4 night break to Turkey 2 weeks ago, but no action of any sort happened – she wouldn’t even hold hands as she can’t manage to well in the warmer/hotter weather, I even braved it a few times round the pool by taking my top off and I never do that normally (either coz don’t feel attractive or think my body is too hairy). Plenty of couples were all over each other in and around the pool, and plenty of women in swimsuits and bikinis (add all of that to the jealousy/envy pile as that’s not what I have in life)
I have also bonded over recent weeks and months with a girl I work with as we’ve been looking out for and confiding in each other a lot (me about all this and her about the unhappy marriage she is in and family situations) she is 9-10 years younger than me I find her very attractive but A) she is Pakistani and I am english so culturally can probably never happen, B) she prob won’t like me in that way anyway (she did address me as “Handsome” in a whatsapp in recent days but that prob doesn’t mean anything) C) she has this guy who she is close with and think she likes him in that way – I’ve told her all about my lack of sex etc and she the same. Today she bought herself something from Ann Summers (as can see the bag) no idea what the item(s) are but my wife will NEVER wear anything like that, and me asking her to? Well I might as well enter Miss World as got more chance of winning that than her ever wearing lingerie/sexy underwear etc (and yes I did know that when we first met) so in regards to guys who have partners who wear lingerie/sexy underwear/bikinis etc yep you’ve guessed it into the jealousy/envy pile it goes
So life at home is rather lonely (I sometimes don’t even want to go home from work) as one of us will play computer games on our main telly while the other does something else, sometimes in a day or evening she will be laying up in bed (as she works long hard shifts as a nurse) all that will happen in bed is she will be asleep and I will lie awake for ages (as a light sleeper) using my hand and an active imagination fantasizing (and usually not about my wife)
I would never actively look to cheat or have an affair (yes I am jealous of those that can or have had affairs and either prosper by moving onto better or they get away with it scott free) but the deep down reality is I feel like I am chasing happiness and a fulfilling sex life (I have probably never had the latter) and am never going to have either which is a pretty dark place to be in
There are reasons why I haven’t called it a day with her A) we own house which we would lose as neither can afford to buy the other out, B) when we argue she usually claims she can take me for loads of money in divorce despite fact house is equally ours (I have paid every mortgage payment and pay most bills but she has paid for windows/kitchen/bathroom/garden being done) C) it won’t get me any closer to having family of my own which is my ultimate dream (probably further away) D) 100% convinced I would never find anyone else again dark place to be in