Why Outsourcing Can Cause a Reset

A nifty little video meant to help people couple up, but I found a possible model for already married people in there too.

Married women already made it to the "Keeper" category, and married men made it to the "Settling" "Prince Charming". Good, or Husband" categories.

Sexless husbands have been relegated to either nice guy or gold digger categories.
I am figuring that if a guy is bad or a creep, sex is not being sought, divorce is.

Sexless wives? Their special kind of misery may stem from having skipped all the way down to "Sweepers". A nasty blow.

For the fellas, I got to wondering if marriage itself hurts the "bad boy" score. 
Teh claim here is that anybody who isn't at least a little dangerous/rule-breaking/adventurous/unconventional is never getting any to begin with and usually cannot hope to marry. 

Sexless husbands are in the friend zone even though nothing else may have changed. The monotonous safety of marriage has degraded the bad boy score and if the sexless husband is stuck "Why chasing", he retains his Good Guy score and ends up in the friend zone. She may recognize the unfairness of teh situation, but cannot make herself act upon the situation she has, perhaps reflexively and unconsciously forced him into (if he is to retain full Good Guy" behavior.)

Someone the wife feels she sacrificed to marry (Settling) now sees the lower value man in a setting where the pressure is off to marry. She's got teh ring, he's safe and not going anywhere. His modicum of danger is diminished and he slips into the revolting category of "Gold digger". He has conned her into marrying him and now she's trapped/stuck. Not only will she not sleep with him, she feels entitled to her contempt for him.

A desired feature of a "Keeper" may have included willingness to marry. For a guy who is low libido or prefers porn and games of "Solitaire", the marriage was the part that he wanted. He has societal approval, a checkbox clicked, the quest fulfilled. Self-respect locked in.
The title of "husband" was her purpose.

When a person outsources secretly ("cheating"), nothing should change until discovery. After discovery, hysterical bonding can occur. In the ladies' case, this may be the recognition of a dreadful mistake and placed the prized title of "husband" in jeopardy and calculations will be made to regain teh title, and perhaps he will be more diligent in not letting it slip away through neglect a second time.

For the fellas, the affair will have instantly added "bad boy" cred, up- or downgrading him (depending on your point of view) from FriendZone to Husband, or "settling" depending on how much "Good Guy" was there before.  The damage done as an adulterer may make him a husband if she blames herself, or put him in "Settling" if she thinks he shares the blame and she should keep him because of her share in the blame.

Women take a pretty bad hit for adultery. "Sleepers" are women you "date" but aren't serious about. Wives cannot be in this category. If the man accepts blame, she'll retain her status of "Keeper". This may explain how a husband repeatedly accepts infidelity and everyone questions his spine/sanity. The husband may be more attentive to try to avoid recurrence. If he places her in the Sweeper category, and it was teh title he was after, he may hang on to her but resent the public humiliation she risked, or he may divorce her as it allows him the dignity of having been wronged. He can reject marriage ever after or seek a "good woman" as a second wife. One who'll put up with sexlessness.



Informed outsourcing may be superior. A friend zone husband may gain "bad boy" points for making a credible threat to outsource, while not sacrificing much in the Good Guy" category if teh wife can admit to herself that sexlessness is abnormal and unreasonable to ask. Hysterical bonding or even marriage repair may result, upgrading the husband from Friend Zone to Husband.
Alternately, he may degrade from husband to "Settling", which, still, is not in friend zone, and conceivably a better place to be.
Or, perhaps he's in gold digger category, not getting any and the threat lowers him to the "Creep" category and she'll move to eject him. A divorcee may well be an upgrade from having been in the "gold digger" category. He can find someone new who0 will see him as a "Settling" choice, or better.


A "Keeper" woman announcing her intent to outsource gives a abstinent husband a chance to retain his title, without humiliation or rejection and divorce. He may decide cerebrally to provide intimacy and it may be adequate to maintaining the marriage or, maybe, even discovering pleasure in a properly functioning union.
A wife already considered a "Sweeper" who announces intent to outsource might be ignored with the intent to divorce with the infidelity as a societally approved excuse.


Consensual outsourcing (the holy grail) is liable to be even better. The man gets both bad boy points for the adultery, but loses no Good Guy points because he asked first. An upgrade to Husband category is likely with a downgrade to "Settling" unlikely, at least, not at first.
A wife given permission to outsource has every reason to believe she will retain "Keeper" status afterwards. (deception being a possibility)
A "Sweeper" may still be divorced under the infidelity excuse, but it may also be accepted as an improvement. He'd keep the title and not be badgered for sex he doesn't want. Alternately, a wife that had permission but gets divorced over also has a better chance at upgrading to "Keeper" with someone else, having received permission but finding out he lied. This may be seen as a win.

My analysis may be incomplete, and is likely to improve greatly from debate, but it is hopefully entertaining, and maybe inspiring towards action?